I am pretty much obsessed with getting a dog.  Everywhere I look, it’s like, ALL I SEE!  Dogs!  Dogs everywhere!  It’s too much!  I must have one.  I will have one.  Hide your puppies, America.  Hide those adorable little bitches.

So my buddy Life (yes, his real name.  These Hudson kids are so damn trendy it makes me want to shoot myself) hooked these 2 cute girls up with a nice room upgrade @ work the other day.  Turns out? They were friends of Danny Tenaglia.  For those of you who are sitting there going, “Um.. Danny who?” Danny Tenaglia is a world-famous DJ, he’s a legend in the UK and practically a god here in Gotham City — he’s basically, in my opinion, the Babby Daddy of House Music.  Well, these two girls slipped Life an invite to this costume party that Danny was gonna be making a secret appearance at, and of course, I got invited along b/c I’m the new cool kid in town… ok, it was probably just b/c I’m friends with Jax and they all just want to “get in good” with me before I betray them and all of their little secrets (but whatever).  I went dressed as something that I’m not quite sure how to describe.  Vinyl, pleather, bat wings, glitter…”Ambigiously Gay Batboy” maybe?  Seriously, I have no shame.  I actually got on the subway in that fucked up outfit and managed to haul it out to Queens without getting beat up.  The party was @ this big abandoned warehouse that doubles as a non-profit theater, it could not have been any more “RENT” if it tried (not even if it cast big, fat Joey Fatone as the lead).  I never did end up seeing Life there but I had a great time, the music was amazing.  It’s so much fun to just go out, dressed like a fool, and bump and grind against a big sweaty crowd of total strangers… I felt like Christina Aguilera… only with less skank factor.  Ok, who am I kidding?  Pretty much the SAME amount of skank factor… everybody kept touching my wings — and I LOVED IT!

You know that group Dirty Vegas?  I checked them into the hotel today!  It was really cool, or @ least it seemed it @ first.  They were all really normal people, which sucked b/c i like to think of celebrities as ppl who are just plain BETTER than me.  These guys were okay, kinda fugly British hipsters with messy hair and, apparently, no money (all their credit cards were DECLINED).  Nice blokes though, everytime I hear that song, Days Go By, it makes me wanna buy a car. 

Working the afternoon/eve shift @ Hudson is like, one the funnest things I’ve ever done!  I was a little worried about it @ first, okay I was straight up shitting myself over it, afraid I’d be overwhelmed.  And yes, it got kinda sticky a few times there but for the most part it was GREAT.  My co-workers were all so helpful and laid-back, they kept checkin in on me and remarking how great I was doing for my first day.  (I’m going to refrain from seeking out any possible condescending undertone which might lie therin and just be glad about it.  Heh).  The music blasting from the bar actually served as a focusing tool.  Stress seems to fade away when you’re looking up a hotel reservation and humming along to Mystikal’s “Shake That Ass.”  The night actually flew by pretty quickly, before I knew it it was over half an hour past quitting time.  It was all 11:30 and the club was jumpin’ jumpin’ …

I know I made some mistakes, but nothing too major.  According to the staff, it was a crazy night for us.  So if I had a good time working on an insane shift? then maybe I might end up doing pretty good @ this job afterall. 

I’m trying to convince BJ to let me have a dog.  My mom’s chihuahua just had puppies and I am willing to haul my lonely ass all the way to Texas to get one.  This is going to take major convincing on my part b/c both he and my mom are convinced that a small dog would die under my care.  Now, I won’t even front and pretend to deny that I tend to be a little carefree @ times.  Yes, my robo-dog technically died b/c I forgot to replace it’s batteries.  Yes, the feirce weight of my TV accidentally crashing onto its head might have also had something to do with its demise, as well.    Fine, whatever.  It’s New York City!  The puppy would have WAY more fun with me here than it’d have growing up in Texas.  I’d take his cute little Mexican self for walks in Central Park and it could get his game on with the cute little pugs on the Upper West Side (they’d love his whole little “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” schtick).  Hell, he can even chill with the gay poodles in the Village if that’s what floats his boat.  The point is, he will be free here.  He deserves this freedom.  He deserves this chance.  And I deserve to make it happen for him.  Come, little dog.  Come and get your love.

So my training officially ended on Wednesday.  This means that I am now legit and expected to like, know shit.  We spent most of the last training day behind the front desk, checking ppl in and out, and learning bits and peices as we went along.  It was exactly what I’d been hoping we’d do — I actually wish we’d started it much sooner, but alas I’ll quit bitching and suck it up.  Everybody keeps saying that I’m going to be fine and that it’ll take time for me to gain confidence in all that madness, they like to keep assuring me that I’ll make plenty of mistakes but that it’s ok b/c that’s how I’ll learn.  It’s really comforting and all, but we’ll see how cool they are when I start fucking up credit card charges and accidentally booking guests into occupied rooms.  Heh… no really, it’s gonna happen.  Especially b/c I’m working the evening shifts Friday and Saturday night.  This is when the Hudson really gets crazy — the music starts blasting, the bar is open, and the lobby basically becomes a nightclub.  A lot of ppl really like working this shift, they like the club-like atmosphere in the lobby, they like being in the center of it all.  But not me.  When I close my eyes, all I see are the angry faces of jet-lagged businessmen swarmed around the front desk, demanding to be checking into their room immdeiately.  All I I hear are the indecipherable accents of snooty eurotrash guests, disputing mini-bar charges and refusing to pay for a room upgrade.  All I feel is the heat rushing to my ears as I stare down @ the computer screen, searching frantically for the passcode to undo what I just did and reverse the fuckup before somebody fires me. 

Why is Spriteboy being such a big girl about all this?, you ask.  B/c I have to.  I have to obsess and freak out about this shit.  If I don’t, I’ll get passive and lethargic and it just won’t be good.  I took this job as a challenge, and me wigging out and convincing myself that I’ll suck — it’s sort of my way of tricking myself into tackling my worries.  When all else fails I just go listen to some Mary J. Blige.  She always makes me feel better about my life, probably b/c hers just sucks so much.  My god, all that money and fame and talent and she still can’t find a hairstyle that makes her happy.  If that isn’t real pain then I don’t know what is.

GayJay is my daytime manager @ Hudson, and he’s the best!  I’m actually his favorite new trainee.  That might not be saying too much…  Some of my co-trainee’s are a bit on the uh, dim side.   Roxie is a stunningly gorgeous girl but she has absolutely zero interest in learning any of the procedures.  She has somehow managed to get away with not having learned a damn thing during the last 2 weeks of training.  Oh, she’s REALLY GOOD @ being personable and social and she has a beautiful smile but if you put her in front of a computer, she’d have NO IDEA what to do and all by her own choosing.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard her say, “I should just stand @ the front area and greet the guests as they wait in line!  There should be somebody who does that, don’t you think?  They should pay me chit chat and be social with them, like a PR rep or something.. don’t you think?”  *sigh*  Shut up, Roxie.  And get a real name.  She has this irritating habit of talking to me in this baby voice, the way you’d probably find yourself talking to a four year old.  She annoys me almost as much as Mr. Clean (b/c he’s tall, brawny, and bald), the bitchy queen who’s late every single day.  For some reason, he just annoys me.  He talks in one of those voices that I can only describe as how someone would sound if they were constantly making offhanded, “tongue-in-cheek” jokes.  Roxie thinks he’s hysterical, which I’m sure he just RELISHES, since it’s every fag’s dream to have a beautiful sassy black girl as his Hag.  Whatever, it keeps him off my back so more power to Will & Grace there…  The only other new trainee is Robbie, a 31yr old Fillipino man who I swear looks about 12yrs old.  Robbie’s actually very chill and has caught on faster than any of us, but he’s got a 2nd full-time job (where he’s a union member), and so he’s never actually paying attention to anything.  I like him though, he’s cool, and one of these days, I will come to terms with the fact that the boy eats rice & DOGMEAT for lunch (no, i’m not kidding).

We all had a formal Orientation today, which was really cool.  There were ppl from other departments there too, so it was cool to meet and greet.  Remember that whole conference-room, slide-show presentation, “Welcome to Hudson!” image that I had envisioned earlier?  Well, this was it.  Jax ran the whole thing and it was so cool to watch her in action.  She’s just amazing.  This is a girl who I watched perform a sappy, crappy scene from “Steel Magnolias” in acting class just 2 years ago.  Obviously, Jax was the most ambitious of all of us and her drive led her to the fabulous, Sex&theCity world of Executive Management.  Well, we were all given an in-depth introduction to All That Is Hudson, and it was very fascinating.  We met different department heads and took a tour of the property and were even treated to a private lunch by the hotel chef.  I ate steak — STEAK!   What am I, suddenly, a king?  It was thrilling!  The entire day was really cool.  I’m a big nerd and I get enthused by shit like this.  If I wasn’t excited about working here before, I definately am now.

Sidenote: I heard that GayJay told Jax that I’m his “little star” which was kinda cool made me feel good about my progress.  But I think he might’ve only said that b/c I sorta remind him of little latin boytoy back in Miami (I’ve seen the pictures on his desk.. it’s sort of a spooky comparison).  Could just be my ego… whatever.  Shut up, Spriteboy.  Okay.

When starting a new job, I’m always concerned with the ppl I’ll be working with.  I mean, these are gonna be the ppl who I have to see everyday… ideally, they need to be be friendly and cool and do nothing but tell me how talented and sexy I am.  However, life outside of Spriteboy World doesn’t happen that way.  People can be rude and informal and impatient with somebody new to the atmosphere, so it’s really important to me that I get along well with my co-workers.  I could not have been happier with the new kids I’m working with, allow me to rave on one friend in particular.

Fong is the coolest kid @ the front desk.  I was assigned to “shadow” him one afternoon and the guy totally took me under his wing and showed me every inch of the ropes (no sexual innuendo intended).  This guy is so good, he’s like this smiling, glowing, Asian fountain of knowledge.  He explained procedures and gave clear scenarios and told me everything helpful that he could think of.  Later, we climbed Mt. Everest and, over tea, discussed the meaning of life.  I felt SO informed!  THIS is the kind of training I’ve been waiting for.  Word has it that along with being a Diety among the Front Desk Agents (as we’re called), he made a hefty little commission last month on all of his “upsells” and is just a Favorite with the guests.  I plan to plant myself @ his side and be Little Grasshopper, I’ll be the Daniel-san to his Mr. Miyagi.  I shall absorb all that he has to share, pick his brain clean — and then crush him on my ascension to the top.   

I mean, really, is there any other way?

So I was standing on the train the other day, it was jam-packed and ppl were STILL trying to cram their bigass bodies in.  My coat was heavy and hot and I’m sweating through my favorite shirt and I’m just pissed.  I’d had a long day @ work and needed to not be around ppl.  Somehow, wedged in tight and gripping the pole bar in front of me, I managed to find a comfort zone and dozed off.  I can fall asleep on the train in like 2 minutes, the hum and buzz of the trainsit system just knowcks me out.  But it’s not often that I fall sleep while standing on my feet.  My eyes were just heavy and I felt my body sag into itself, my balance shifted and for a second I was weightless.  The next thing I felt was my face smashing into the shoulder of the girl standing next to me.  It took my a minute to realize that I had just crashed into her.  I could feel the heat rushing to my face as all the eyes looked down on me, judging… socially crucifying.  Of course, I pretended like nothing of the sort had just happened and just I looked down, cleared my throat, and readjusted my backpack.  Maybe we can all just pretend that didn’t just happen, I thought to myself.  Denial is a wonderful, wonderful thing.  It worked b/c I was able to just THINK it all away and find my inner happy place again.  Yeah, well that didn’t last too long b/c less than a minute later, I’d fallen asleep and crashed into her again.  This time it was my full body weight and we both toppled over.  I don’t even know what I said, the apologies and self-depricating excuses just poured out of my mouth like vomit.  Somebody offered up their seat to the poor girl, and I spent the rest of the ride home pinching myself everytime I got sleepy.

No.  I have no grace.

I wish I could say I’ve just been so swamped with parties and orgies and other cool things happening every day and that’s why I haven’t updated the site lately… but the sad truth is, my triflin’ ass has just been exhausted.  Work. Subway. Home. Sleep.  With some bad food and bad TV in between.  Not that impressive, I know.  But I promise to hop on the Hip&Trendy Train as soon as I, like Stella, find my groove.

BJ is back!!!  I got home afterwork on Friday and there he was.  There was hugging and crying and other forms of blatant HoYay, but it was just so good to see my best friend again!  We talked a lot, he was so happy to be back in the States and in the city.  Didn’t get to hang out very long cuz he raced off to go surprise his girlfriend and have lots of premarital sex.  I brought him some Krispey Kreme doughnuts though (TWO DOZEN), just cuz I’m nice like that.  I guess this means the end of GorgeousRoommate.  I’ll miss her and her sparkly clean bathroom and kitchen.  It was nice living with a pretty girl and pretending she was my ho.  Now we’re back to boys, which is okay b/c BJ is so my bitch.  And he’s sorta pretty in that annoying golden, ivy league way but that’s a whole different something that I can’t even talk about w/o sort of wanting to vomit.  BJ never has an ugly day, although I’m not too sure about the Wilderness Man beard he’s sporting…  I promised him I’d link to a cool pic from his trip, and since many of you (for some stupid reason I will never understand) have emailed me with questions about my globe-trotting roommate, here’s a pic just so I can shut him (and all of you) up.

Well I’m kinda crushing on this cute little thing in the Rooms Control Dept. @ work.  Lisa, the hottie from Jersey, has me all kinds of smitten.  Maybe it’s her tough attitude, maybe it’s her smirky little smile, or the petite body… could be that I’m partially afraid she could kick my ass and steal my wallet.  It’s a turn-on and I so wanna be her slampeice.  I know, I know… (Jersey)… but I’m going to try and take this as an opportunity to grow past my Manhattan snobbery.  Shut up, people.  Anyway, she’s my favorite one there right now and I hear that she thinks “that little new guy is cute.”  I’m sure she means “cute” in a harmless, totally child-like, sexless hobbit-type of way.  Whatever.  I was with the Room Service ppl the other day, cross-training again, and she buzzed in on the walkie-talkie to the supervisor.  She was like, “Is that new boy Chris with you?  You guys be nice to him!”  Hee.  We like that.  We like that mucho.  Know what else we like?  Seeing Jax @ work everyday, knowing that anybody who annoys me could be easily killed if I wanted.

This has been a lazy Saturday.  I slept in till nearly 4pm, chowed down on some Frito pie (it’s a Texas thang, I’ll show you later), and kept my mess inside the apt. b/c of the rainy little chill factor outside. ”Moulin Rouge” was on HBO so I just kicked it with Ewan and Nic.  Nicole Kidman is in some ways like, too beautiful.  It’s almost a turnoff.  She doesn’t do it for me.  I bet sex with her is painful, like getting freaky with a statue.  Where do these random thoughts come from?  This was a good movie, I was all about this shit when it came out last summer.  Now it’s just sort of cute and colorful… thank God I nixed that whole Moulin Rogue 4EVER tattoo idea.  (I am SO kidding). 

** BJ, it’s nice to have you home, bud.    Now stay the hell out of my room. **

I metup with M&J tonight.  I actually crashed the TWoP “Buffy” dinner that they attened tonight, which seemed like it was a lot of fun.  These ”Buffy” people are a little intimidating, they really know their shit.  It’s like being around my dad and his Trekkie friends.  All very sweet girls though (yes, ALL girls).  The girl I sat next to was GORGEOUS, she looked like a younger, less-wrinkled and non-weather-beaten Sheryl Crow.

Anyway, I stole my friends away and we went to see Abandon.  This movie was the worst peice of shit I have ever seen in my life — and that really says a lot, since I did not think it was possible to find a movie worse than the Christina Ricci shitstorm that was Pumpkin (remember that one, where she was all blonde and busty and in love with a retard?).  This movie was actually worse, a little peice of me died after seeing this shit.  People were actually getting up and walking out of the theater.  Katie Holmes?  Somebody explain this girl to me.  I won’t even start pretending like I don’t watch “Dawson’s Creek” every Wednesday night cuz, bitches, you know I do.  Katie Holmes is really sexy and not altogether untalented, why did she do this stupid, stupid movie?  She was actually pretty entertaining in Go, I liked her topless in The Gift, and that new one she’s in with Colin Ferell looks kind of watchable too.  I don’t understand why she would do something like Abandon.  Why would she inflict this kind of trash on such an unsuspecting world?  And that boy, the blonde kid who plays the dead boyfriend?  I recognized him from the naughty U.K. version of “Queer As Folk,” so I was unable to watch any his scenes without leaning over and whispering to Jess, “He’s has butt-sex!”  His hair got on my nerves, so did his rumpled shirts.  He’s stupid.  Also, this movie about twenty times worse when I realized that Benjamin Bratt was one of the leads.    Don’t even get me started on that greasy guido, with his lumpy, mis-shapen features and his bigass head.  The man looks like E.T.

If there’s one peice of advice I can ever give to you, let it be this: never, ever wait for the A train after 2am b/c you’ll be waiting for the rest of your life and by the time you get home, you’ll have forgotten your purpose in life.  And if I can offer you another peice of advice?  Don’t see this movie.  I know the previews look really good, they’re all colorful and edgy and have lots of sexy shots of that messy-haired gay blonde guy but DO NOT TRUST THESE IMAGES!  Paramount Pictures thinks we’re all stupid, stupid bitches: embrace your inner snob and turn up your nose @ this movie.  In fact, if you run into Katie Holmes on the street, I want you to find something large and throw it @ her head.  Don’t worry, you won’t miss.

The weather was so nice today that I couldn’t even stand it.  New York is all about the Fall lately and it’s so damn nice  What can’t it be Autumn all the time? 

It was my last day @ the Bank and I was suprised @ how wistful I found myself.  I guess when you hang someplace 5 days a week for nearly 2 years, you kind of form a little attatchment to it.  My boss and her colleage took me out to lunch @ The Brooklyn Diner, which was really cool and sweet of her.  It’s the same place they took me on my birthday… so uh, no points for originality.  But @ least they’re consistant.  Hee.  She’s from Queens, as it turns out.  Knock a couple of drinks into her and BAM!  Bring on the loud, bring on the sass, bring on the catty little girl from the hood that I never knew existed.  I was dying!  They gave me a card that everybody from the office signed, it was really sweet.  Also there was $100 in it.  That was even sweeter.  Ohhh these wonderful, wonderful people!!!  But no, really.  It was a great day, I’m glad I ended things @ the Bank on a nice note.  They told me that they’d love to have me back if ever I wish to return.  Awwww, you guys…. you’re all so dumb.  I ain’t never stepping back in this hellish office setting again.

Hey have you guys seen the preview for that new movie with Kevin Kline?  Sort of has a “Dead Poets Society” vibe to it.  It’s called The Emporer’s Club and I highly reccommend you all go check this shit out.  Why is Spriteboy plugging this random movie, you ask?  Why, it’s another shameless act of self-promotion, of course!  Remember that whole mess about me claiming to be an actor, like way back in my bio?  Well, it’s actually not a lie.  It’s true — I have proof, and you can see it in theaters nation-wide on November 22nd.  In the film, I play one of Kevin Kline’s students @ this all-boys academy.  I only worked on set for about 2 weeks but we did a lot of classroom/stairwell/school hall scenes, and yes, my pimpin’ ass did get a few lines too, so check em out.  Working on the set for this was fun and sort of freaky b/c I went to a private school a lot like that, it was weird to be back in a uniform and surrounded by kids dressed the same.  It was also a little fucking embarassing b/c most of the other guys playing students were about 14 years old and still taller than me.  I don’t wanna discuss it.  Shut up.  Go see the movie though.

Hudson.  Bright and early tomorrow morning.  This means I have to start setting a bedtime for myself and planning my time wisely… dammit.  I’m hoping things will pick up more and that I’ll just be so busy training that the time will fly and I’ll be shocked that it’s quitting time and I’ll be all excited about coming back the next day.  See, that’s how it plays out in my head — in my inner world where I’m the star and all my foes are crushed under my power — but it never ends up quite like that in reality.  I hung with the ultra cool bellman downstairs the other day, which was a lot of fun actually.  I just shadowed them for awhile, and then I shocked myself by taking initiative and jumping into it with both feet.  I was hailing cabs, I was pulling luggage, I was escorting big-haired women from Dallas up to their rooms… it was invigorating.  I made $18 in tips!  Ok, so maybe that’s not too impressive but I was only doing it for an hour and I was totally making it up as I went along.  There seems to be a lot of that “winging it” happening @ Hudson.  Like with the managers and my training?  See, I still pretty much have just been left to observe and watch virtually all the departments in the hotel except for the one that I was actually hired to work in.  Have I learned much about the computer system yet?  Uh, no.  Do I know what exactly goes in behind the front desk?  Er, um.. pass.  If I was put behind the desk tomorrow afternoon and asked to check Lenny Kravitz in, would I be able to do it.  Hell-fuckin-no.  I’m trying hard not to worry about this, I honestly am doing my best to just trust that they know what they’re doing here… but doubt is starting to kick in.  Isn’t it supposed to be this big whirlwind of information thrown @ me or something?  Shouldn’t I be feeling bombarded with all kinds of stuff to learn?  Right now, it all just feels really easy and gradual.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE getting paid to stand around and look cool, but I’m sort of drama-free @ the moment and I don’t quite know how to deal.

I do look pretty damn good in my Front Desk Prettyboy Uniform though. 

I am so gonna love working @ Hudson.  So far, it’s pretty nice.  I’ve been er, training for the last few days… ok, I haven’t really been actually trained in anything specific yet.  Basically it’s been a lot of observing and watching and getting a feel for the way things are done @ this place.  I spend most of my shifts standing around, being annoying, looking over people shoulders and laughing politely when they make a joke about something I don’t really understand.  Lots of Hudson Lingo to catch up on, I guess.  I’m not really sure what I was expecting to get, I guess maybe something a little more formal?  I sort of had this image in my head of a large crowd of us newbies sitting in conference rooms, viewing ”Welcome to Hudson” videos on an overhead projector.  I was thinking seminars and procedure workshops, maybe some teambuilding excersizes?  Then we could all sit around and talk about our childhood nightmares, share personal aspirations and discuss why we all hate authority figures, and maybe just sing a few choruses of “You’ve Got a Friend.”   But I seem to be the only one on that train of thought cuz anytime I suggest we try something like that, people just look @ me funny.  Heh.  I just kind of keep waiting for some HANDS-ON shit, like to be put in front of a computer and have somebody sitting next to me saying, “Ok, this is how we do this…”  Maybe it’s too soon, though.  They could just be trying to ease me into everything, which is probably the best way to go.  Judging from the Check-In madness I witnessed today @ the front desk, I guess I should be glad that I’m not in the center of hellfire just yet. 

I really like the kids I’m working with.  They all have this sort of way about them, like they all own the floor you’re standing on.  Everybody’s kind of witty and quick and on-the-ball, and it’s sort of a surprise to me b/c I like to think that most Beautiful People are stupid and lacking in personality.  But this is not true, dammit.  A lot of them are actually kind of warm and inviting – like, they’re genuinely nice people and they seem happy to have me on board (b/c, as you see, it’s all about me).  I like them too.  Oh don’t get me wrong though, I can already tell you there’s gonna be some straight up nasty posts about some of these bitches soon enough… but there’s no need to get ahead of ourselves before this even starts, right? 

Tuesday night we’re hosting the VH1 Fashion Awards after-party.  Excited as you can imagine, I’ll try to keep it in my pants.  I’m not making any promises though.