Lacking the Yellow
April 23rd, 2003You just ARE NOT Filipino.
How Filipino Are YOU?
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Fine. Whatever. 
Open for Business
April 22nd, 2003So, I would really love to open up my online store. YoungBradford, who’s site I luuuuuuuurve, just set his up through Cafe Press, where he sells boxers and tees and even postcards with his pictures/logo on them. I totally have the stuff I need here on my site to put it out there. Shipping setup, credit card authorizations, catalog layouts, shopping cart pages, all that stuff… I just don’t have anything cool to acutally sell. Part of me already feels dumb for even having this site up in the first place, why add me-based merchandice to the mix?
Things I could sell in my online store:
- my old issues of Time Out New York, Details, Stuff, and out-of-print IKEA catalogs
- the dusty mixed tapes I made back in high school (way before I discovered CD’s or mp3′s)
- an endless supply of plastic grocery bags from FINE FAIR SUPERMARKET
- that uglyass white Parka I bought 2 years ago @ TARGET for $25 yet never wore once
- somewhat yellowed copies of my professional headshot taken in January 2000
- the odd-sized, mismatching socks that I find after I sort my laundry
- a can of Spaghetti-O’s that I don’t remember buying and will probably never eat
- those chipped and leaky rechargeable batteries that I keep finding underneath dust bunnies
- all those stuffy office clothes I bought during my brief stint in Corporate America
- the various (and now defunct) remote controlls leftover from my many electronic purchases through the years
- some old episodes of Roswell and the 2nd season of Felicity on VHS (w/o commericials)
- an ambitious assortment of condoms taken out of the box but, sadly, never used
- my 10 grade history paper on the English Revolutionary War, titled “R.E.S.P.E.C.T.: Sock it to me” — handwritten on wide-ruled notebook paper, in cursive.
- 5 empty and worn Case Logics that I don’t use anymore
- a collection of random keys I have found that do not seem to fit any doors anywhere in the world
- some slightly faded postcards from a play I did back in June 2001
- those hideous asain samurai-themed button-down shirts that I bought that summer in Harlem
- a stack of washed-out, worn and faded bath towels that no longer behold a discernable shade on the color spectrum
- a pile of irregularly-sized tupperware dishes without the lids
It’s so tempting, but I’m really not convinced any of it would sell. Would anybody pay for that mess, and in all honesty… do I even want to know somebody who would? I’m devilishly flirting with the idea of just putting something up on E-bay, just to see if somebody would bite. People will buy anything if it’s cheap and looks interesting, man (says the boy with a giant set of black-feathered batwings sitting on his closet shelf).
I read somehwere online that on this date, back in 1774, New Yorkers staged their own version of the Boston Tea Party and dumped hundreds upon hundreds of cases of tea into the New York Harbor. Why? They didn’t want to be outdone by the Bostonians. Hee. They wasted all that Lipton just to save face and maintain their status as leaders of the pack. I fucking love it. 
Hey, Spriteboy World just got added to E-Male, a kickass webring for cool boys with cool sites. Yay. I’m part of a cyberish He-Man Woman-Haters Club! The tables are being turned, ladies! Now, if only us guys could get bigger bathrooms…
Sizing Things Up
April 21st, 2003I found this charming little document in my inbox this morning. It was sent to me by a Miss Patricia Thorpe, whom I don’t know but clearly have confided in about some seriously personal insecurities.
Imagine for a moment how this would feel… You’ll radiate confidence and success whenever you enter a locker room, and other men will look at you with real envy.
But the best part is when you reveal yourself in all your glory to the woman in your life. When she sees how massive and manly, how truly long and hard you are, she will surrender and give you everything you have always wanted. The feeling of power is sensational, and the sex is unbelievable! As you drive your penis deep inside her she’ll gasp as you dominate her. And the intense satisfaction you give her will be the BEST sex she has ever had. I promise you, she will not be able to keep her hands off you when you give her everything she needs from a man.
Put yourself In Total Command! Pinacle will make you long-lasting and rock hard. You will never worry or be concerned about losing your hard-on or reaching orgasm too fast. With Pinacle these problems are completely eliminated. Visit our site below for more information.
This is the 2nd one so far. I’m beginning to wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something. Patricia? We’re not friends. I want you to stop emailing me and just shut up. No, really. I want you to shut up now. Shut up.
Back to Good
April 21st, 2003So it’s Monday, yet kind of my Friday. I worked all weekend and it sucked, I was SICK AS HELL. Thanks to the power of non-drowsy meds, I teetered and tottered my way through a sold out weekend at the hotel. I feel better now, nealry back to my old self. I’m all Gloria Estefan now, coming out of the dark and shit. It was weird being that out of it, all coughy and achy and exhausted, I don’t get sick often but when I do it totally knocks me off my feet. I’ve done nothing but lay low and take it easy for a week, it’s fucking killing me. I think I’ll spend my next two days off in Chinatown shopping for vintage shirts and maybe a Guatemalan baby. What does that mean? I have no clue.
Last night’s episode of Six Feet Under left me really, really put off for some reason. The commune hippie wives, the discussion of cheeses, the lice, the gay threeway, the sickly-looking boyfriend, the non-marraige of Nate and Lisa… *shudder* Ugh, it all just made me wanna hide under my blankets. I don’t know why. Oh, but I did meet Freddy Rodriguez last night. He and basically every other Latin celebrity are in town for this big tribute to some Latin jazz singer who’s music I’ll bet you they never actually listened to. Anyway, they were all hanging @ Hudson last night, and I would like to state for the record that Freddy is actually quite a tiny little man, not much bigger or taller than me. Just an FYI. 
The MTV 2003 VMA Nominee’s are up!!! If Eminem fucking wins for Best Actor, I’m going to shoot myself.
I am anxiously looking forward to The Matrix Reloaded. Three words: Jada Pinkett-Smith. Wait, or is that two words? Dude, Jada rocks. Have you seen how cool she looks in the previews? She’s tiny, she’s leather-clad, she’s full of sass and she will karate-kick you in the mouth. I like how she totally took a backseat to Will Smith during his big Ali hooplah, and now that it’s all dying down and everybody’s forgetting about it (b/c it wasn’t all that in the first place), she’s totally on the rise with some Matrix shit. Hell yeah, break it down, Jada. Show us what you’re working with.
I watched Amelie today. I wish a pretty french girl with bigass eyes would stalk me sometime. I’d really enjoy that. I’m turning 24 is a few weeks and have yet to be seriously pursued, on like an obsessive, predatory level. Does that mean my life has been too empty?
YoungSpriteboy stopped in again. He was sporting newly darkened hair. It is questionably similiar to my own recently black-streaked mop. It’s an odd little transposition, this unclear relationship we have. I wonder if he’s a secret Jedi, sent from the Bizarre-o World to shake me up and take me down and assume my identity. Not on your life, young spritechild. I was here before you, I’ll be here after you, and I ain’t going down like that.
In other news: Central Park is starting to look pretty again.
The God Stuff
April 21st, 2003I find that everybody gets WEIRD when God comes into the conversation. People will sit and talk brazenly for hours and hours about great issues like politics and abortion and gun control and welfare and sex and millions of other hot topics — they’ll get verbose and passionate and speak with conviction and authority. But mention God and what does everybody do? They all back off really quick and shit. Everybody has to start disclaiming everything with, “Ok well not to get all into God and stuff…” or ”Ok I’m not really religious or anything…” It’s like everyone suddenly gets real embarassed when it comes up and they need to right away make it clear that whatever you percieve, make sure you don’t think I’m into God! I find myself do it too, sometimes. And I think it’s stupid.
I caught a lot of eye-rolls and “ahh whatever” comments this weekend when I asked ppl if they had plans for Easter. I’m aware that New York is full of Jews and that they tend to not really get into the whole Jesus thing, I’m also aware that New York is full of young liberals with bitter hearts and that they desperately need to revolt against traditional practices, and I’m also fully aware that New York is full of athiests, gays, and cynics and that they generally keep a clear distance from all things connected to Christianity. But you know what? Big fucking deal. There are still ppl in the city who DO believe and trust in God as Creator of the Universe, I’m one of them. And to be honest? I’m a little fucking tired of all the shit that my faith tends to get from everybody who happens to disagree. When I’m on the train and I see a youth group or a missionary trying to pray for a homeless person or talk about God’s love — not screaming, rebuking, and condemning everyone in sight, but just offering something positive for people to believe in, I think it’s something worth listening to. I find it totally offensive when some punkass little wanna-be comedian feels the need to impress their friends by shouting something condescending and disrespectful about God. I know it’s really cool to have an irreverant sense of humor, but why do you need to shit all over something that somebody else might believe? Ohh look at you, you know how to be witty, you know how to deliver sarcasm — fine, shut the fuck up. You’re not into it… maybe somebody else is. You never know who might quietly need to hear that maybe somebody, somewhere, still cares and hasn’t given up on them.
Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of warped “Christians” out there with a lot of screwed-up ideas about life and who’s who and where they’re all going — they want to use “God” as an excuse for doing that insane things that they do, just like there are a lot of ”free spiritualists” out there making up whatever truths are convenient as they go through life and want to create a world that tells them anything they wanna do is okay. I also think that there are a lot of people out there who’ve maybe had some bad experiences with church and ended up deciding that ”the search” wasn’t really for them. Whatever. We all find our own ways. Are we all messed up? Yes. Do we all have to subscribe to the same beliefs? Hell no, what would the world be if we all thought the same things. But you know what, there’s plenty of room for everyone’s interpretations — that includes people who refuse to recognize a higher power or afterlife, that includes people who choose not to think about it, that includes people who believe that God is out there and that Jesus loves them. I definately believe it. Yup. So yes, I will be one of those people who, when my friends are going through some shit, will say “You’ll be okay, and I’m gonna pray for you.” I’m not gonna feel weird about that, and neither should they.
There. I said it, man. I know you didn’t ask for this whole Chicken Soup for Soul entry, and I’m sure you really don’t care either way. But it’s been on my mind. And if nothing else, I’ve got opinions and dammit, it’s my webpage.
Ok, taking things up? I have a book I want you all to go read. Relax, it’s not the Bible. I have a dear, funny friend named Karol — she’s actually a nun, and a best-selling author! — and everybody should read her book 10 Fun Things To Do Before You Die. She’s got a few other ones out too. Anway, it’s really adorable (unlike this damned peice of literary crap). Despite whatever you’re own parochial education experience was like, my girl Sister Karol totally proves that Nuns know how to bring the funny.
Survivor
April 19th, 2003Well, I survived work last night. 465 pretentious assholes checked in for the weekend and I dealt with a good 1/3 of them. I was smiley and quirky and funny and charming, despite my fever and 11.5 hour shift. I’m pretty proud of myself! We got another one of those “secret shoppers” last month and their report on the hotel came out great — WAY better than the last one. I got mentioned specifically (which is VERY good) when the guest called down to complain that he’d been waiting 45 minutes for an engineer. Said that I’d apologized to him for the delay and assured him some assistance right away. I’m amazed, I usually suck when it comes to dealing with people over the phone (I tend to get a little too abrupt). In person, I’m usually better. Last night, I was giving a woman her room keys and didn’t notice that it happened to be room number 666. She seriously almost took her bags and marched right back out the front door! She said she couldn’t believe I would give her “a Satan room” on Easter Weekend. We assign these rooms at random, there is usually no premeditated scheme on our end and I tried to explain this to her but she was not having it. So I put her in room 777 instead and wished her an especially spiritually refreshing stay. Who knows, maybe she’ll get lucky and loosen the hell up.
In unrelated news: Is it wrong that I sort of find myself busting a move to that Celine Dion dance track that plays on the Chrysler commercial?
I hung with my long-lost buddy Hal last night afterwork. Hal’s in town for a few days and even though I’ve been sicker than a mofo and overworked and underpaid and not gettin’ no respect lately, I got myself together and metup with him. It’s such a trip to catch up with someone you haven’t hung out with in forever, makes you think about who you used to be and how you’ve changed. (BTW? there is no real reason for this entire paragraph, Hal just really really wants to be mentioned on my stupid site).
She is staying at the hotel right now and I have yet to get much more than a polite, pass-you-by smile. *sigh* It is such an unfair world. It’s ok though, I’m not going completely without any lovin’ —- someone else stopped in @ the hotel last night. She totally felt me up too, man!
It’s already late mid April. Where have I been? I still have yet to buy a 2003 wall calender. Do you think it’s even worth it to do so at this point? Is it? Is it worth it? Let me work it. I put my thing down, flip it, and reverse it.
Service With A Frown
April 17th, 2003So, in exhange for getting my work hours brought back to normal? I must sacrifice my weekends. They also cut everybody’s hours back by an entire shift, so everybody’s been working only 4 days. The thing that sucks most is that occassionaly they’ll offer yu more hours… but in the form of a 12 hr shift. That’s so uncool, man. It doesn’t count if you try and make me stay for 12hrs, that’s not a REAL fulltime schedule. I’d do it maybe if it was overtime, but it’s NOT — it’s just getting my full 40hrs, which I should be getting in the first place. Brooklyn Boy Paul, a manager I always liked but never see anymore, just called my cell and basically was like, “I need you in from 2 – 1:30am on Friday. I’m gonna make this change to the schedule… ok? Uh, ok bye.” 
Guess I’m doing it then. I just requested some time off in May, and made that big fuss about my hours recently, so I figure I need to get myself back in the good graces of Hudson. Plus, I like BBP and nobody likes a brat.
I can’t believe I’ll be standing at that fucking desk for 12 hrs straight tomorrow, on one of our busiest nights at that. Sometimes I wish I could go back and UNDO all the good impressions I made when I first started, so that they’d be all afraid to ask me for favors. *Sigh* But Jax got me that job, and even tho she’s not there anymore, I always feel a responsibility to keep up appearances. Ugh, I just HATE spending all my time in that lobby helping all those stupid ppl (even tho that’s um, totally my job). Having to pretend to be nice and WANTING to help when I really couldn’t give a shit? it just feels like it’s draining the life out of me. This kid knows what I’m talking about.
In the meantime, I’m feeling lots better. All the sleep and make-me-drowsy meds helped. I think I may have LOST weight though, if that’s possible. Must wear my heavy shoes, I don’t need no strong winds blowing me away.
Mi Familia
April 16th, 2003My g’ma is funny. She was just telling me over IM (yes cuz you know she got the hookup, holla if you hear her) about this little toadtrip she took with her friends the other day.
G’ma: Yesterday a group of 8 ladies (most from my Sunday School class) went over into La. to a beautiful place called Hodges’ Gardens and had a wonderful day.
Littlespriteboy: Ohh cool!
G’ma: We all went in the Church van and Mary Curry drove it for us. Most of these ladies (except Mary) range in age from 60 to 80 yrs. old. We ate lunch at a neat little grill across from the Gardens at a motel and it was good. 
LittleSpriteboy: Yay!
G’ma: It was a fun day – everybody acts “young” tho’ we’re in our 2nd childhood.
My kickass g’ma and her girls are hella cute. I can just picture them all piled up in the ride, applying their lipstick and adjusting their hats. My G’ma is probably the one driving, all screaming for everybody to shut the hell up cuz she’s waiting on a call from her man and needs to be able to hear the cellie ring. I love it. It’s almost as cute as my TiaJulietta, who’s house just got renovated by Habitat for Humanity. She’s lived in this deathtrap of a shack for as long as I can recall, it’s right next to this big nasty bayou where my cousins used to drag me when I was little and tell me that the Devil lived in it. I hated going to that damn house. I’m amazed it hadn’t been condemned yet. Anyway, she’s got new floors and cabinets and a hot water heater and it’s just too beautiful. I only hope somebody takes an exorcist over to that bayou at some point, to get rid of that whole Satan thing.
I look forward to seeing everybody really soon. I’ll be heading home for a few days next month over my birthday weekend, cuz you know I gotta get my country on. Go, Texas! 