Sweet Lord this is an AWFUL job. Every few weeks I have a night where I just want to chuck it all out the window and scream “FUCK YOU ALL!” to every person who comes into this lobby. People can be just plain RIDICULOUS sometimes. We’ve been through this before, but I just have more questions…

- How do you walk into a lobby SWAMPED with other people trying to check in, and you’re gonna stomp your way to the front of the line like you’re special? And then you’re gonna get stupid insulted at my ass when I tell you to wait in line. This is not a Mentos commercial, bitch, you don’t get to be exempt from circumstances at hand while the rest of us just press on.

- If it’s really your 10th Year Anniversary and you wanted to celebrate by taking your spouse out for a nice weekend, or if you’re truly claustrophobic and you can’t handle small spaces, or if you knew you’d be doing lots of shopping and need extra space, then why didn’t you book a SUITE?!

- Did you REALLY think you were gonna get 4-star accomodations when you booked your $99 reservation on Expedia? My customer service is 4-star, but so is my elitism; don’t think I’m going to take shit from you when your bargain-hunting ass couldn’t even afford to book reservations @ a proper rate.

- What do you mean, “What kind of room do I have?” You know exactly what you have; you booked this reservation yourself, and I’m giving you exactly what you requested. Did you RESERVE a bigger room? No. You reserved a standard one and so you get a standard one. Why? Because it’s what you agreed to pay for.

- How is your credit card coming up DECLINED but you’re gonna tell me it’s not? Don’t tell me I’m wrong, motherfucker, I see it plain as day. You have NO MONEY. What did you think was going to happen when you walked in? Did you think I was just gonna shake your hand and give you some room keys?

- If you hated your last stay here so damn much, if every second of your previous visit was that awful, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP COMING BACK?! Is it b/c you think you’ll get auto-hookups everytime you come back if you just say you had a bad last stay? I think you’re an IDIOT for coming back and I’m not going to encourage your own stupidity by giving you something for nothing.

Sorry. Had to bitch. I wish I were home watching the Oscars like everybody else. Back to work.

In the past week, the fat guy got kicked off Survivor, Jesus has become a box office star, and marriage has become so fucking gay: what universe is this?

My buddy Jo had a party this weekend @ Mehanata, that bulgarian bar downtown (one of last places in the city where you can still smoke. I’m not a smoker but I kind of like the stench sometimes). I ran into a lot of kids I used to buddy around with back in college, a time long ago and far away that seems like a really drawn out WB series that got cancelled. It was weird seeing all of them again, not-quite-famous but famous-looking people who I used to know back when we were all awkward and unsure about things, when we had bad clothes and grappled with losing our hometown accents, when we still agonized over the things we might be percieved as, when we were discovering our freedom and learning how special we all were to have this amazing life in this fantastic city all by ourselves and with each other. Sometimes I still pass by places I have never been in except for a few times — shops and diners, parkbench intersections, former rehearsal studio spaces that have become tanning spas — and I remember being 19 and standing around there with them. I remember riding the 1/9 train downtown with them. I remember being so sick of seeing them everyday and knowing all of their expressions and what they’re voices sounded like. I remember how enamoured I was by all of them at first. I remember feeling so close to them all — even to the ones I didn’t like. It was so much fun to see some of them the other night and watching them look at everything from behind new perspectives and new identities. Some of them are gay now. Some of them got work. Some of them never went on a single audition. Everyone looked great, and I rarely think that. It was a night I totally wish I’d had my digital camera with me.

Strange Fact #79: There was no leap day in the year 1900.

Serious as cancer when I say that rythym is a dancer. And also when I say that DVR has changed my life… you can’t even begin to imagine, unless you were cooler before I was and got actual Tivo. Oh, and knowing that the iPod mini is out there in the world makes me feel better about life in general. It’s true. It’ll be forever until I actually get one, but dammit, I’m gonna. I’ve gone back and forth over it till I’m SICK, and I really that although it’s essentially a downgrade from my 10GB, it’s worth it b/c my Spriteboy Songs playlist is roughly 250 tunes and it’s really all I ever listen to anyway. Who knows, it’s all just wishful thinking anyway.

Me and Randy had a fucking great day. With all the stuff @ work lately (I went up and got smacked down for a position switch as the Guest Relations Coordinator), and recently entertaining my out-of-towners, it seemed like weeks since I’d seen him last, so I had a really good time listening to his stories and seeing that big smile of his while we were out with the boys last night. Today we slept in and went to brunch @ New Wave Cafe (holler), then wandered down to The Shops to play @ Sephora (his field trip, not mine! … altho the view is amazing). He’s doing his damnedest to get me onboard this mini-road trip to Vermont next month, and I’m not being that cooperative. Dude, what if there’s no DSL or cable lines there? I need to be coerced, I’m afraid. Please, I’m just getting used to wandering around the city lately, slowly coming out of hibernation. The weather is wonderful these days.

Spriteboy Fact #287: I’m the only person in the world who didn’t so much like the final episode of Sex & the City. I like what they did with Miranda but Charlotte’s husband was way too minor a character this season to justify suddenly being featured as a significant person in the story, Samantha’s dye job was ugly as shit and she DIDN’T say “I love you, too” to Smith, Carrie moved from one romance right into another one that she hadn’t even TALKED ABOUT once before last week and I’m supposed to be all Yay! about it? I can’t live with these holes, man.

I watched the season finale of The Surreal Life the other day and I’ll be a man about it: I fucking shed a tear when they were all at the table having their last supper and Vanilla Ice told Erik Estrada “I lost my brother at a young age and you really filled that void in my life. I hope we stay in touch. I love you, man.” I am not made of stone, ya’ll. And Tammy Faye is just the sweetest little thing on earth. God bless her ass. And God bless Sally Jessy Raphael for smacking Trishelle with some truth, when she told her “You drink too much and the world thinks you’re a SLUT!” I about lost my shit.

So hey, it appears that my It Factor spark hasn’t completely flickered out. VH1 called me in for some promo spot they’re casting in a few weeks, the details are still a bit fuzzy but I’m just happy I’m in the mix. Thank God I just got my hair did, all shaggy and blonde and red — I’m really really hot… (thank you, Missy). It looks so cute these days I don’t even know how to act.

UPDATE: cool, so I’m not the only one.

After a long a hellish night @ work (I’d be happy it’s payday if I actually got to SEE any of the money) I metup with that airborne sasspot from Toronto, Sissy Spacechik. I’m all about entertaining the Canadians these days, man. He and I didn’t get to meetup last time he was in town, so I made sure to have the Jamba Juice kids dump extra boosts of Energy into my Strawberry Tsunami so I could bright eyed and bouncy afterwork. He walked into the Hudson lobby around 12:30am and I was immediately suprised at how much shorter he was than I’d imagined. Fun-size, a lot shorter than I expected but with lots of style and a gorgeous tan (have you all seen the body?). Very cute hair. Introductory hugs and smalltalk and then we just took it from there. We strolled down to Therapy and hung out with Aaron and Adam, who I never get to see enough of anyway. An hour of chat and trashtalking ensued, way too brief and lowkey but really fun just the same.

The party died down after last call, then Aaron migrated back to that Brooklyn place I keep hearing about and we three kings wandered around the corner to the comfy and plush leather sofa lounge @ Posh. I love that place. Adam hung in there as long as he could and then it was just me and the space waitress. Oh, and that damn Amanda Lepore who fucking came down out of nowhere and smacked me across the head, that bitch (it wasn’t funny). I’d tell all of you more about the sordid conversation, more about the straightup scandalous confessions and heartfelt advice exchanged, or more about smooth latin yummy @ the bar who lured us back to his place and coaxed us betrothed bloggers into a menagerie scenario… but then again, it’s 5am and I’m tired as hell. Besides, I’ve gotta leave something for that coolass steward to post about.

Truths: The boys hate me for posting this pic. Adam has really white teeth. Aaron has been awake for about 20 hours. I have my hand on Sissy’s butt.

Oddly enough, I ran into an ex-fling coming off the train, too. I didn’t resort to any smalltalk or anything (I like remembering hot sex simply as just that), but I did find a fresh brazen bootycall in my inbox this morning. And I’d be lying if it didn’t put a little strut in my step today. Return of the mack, yeah, you know that I’d be back… What a wicked, sordid, wonderful little town we live in.

In work-related news: my comrade in arms Stefan quit today.

When the money runs out, you find other ways to stay entertained.

Just found out my rent is going up an extra $75 beginning April 1st. It’s not really so bad, it’s a 2yr lease and most of the other (smaller) spaces in my building are going for about $1300. But damn, I need a get rich quick scheme. Any ideas? Getting rid of my cellphone, cable, and DSL are NOT options… I need my little digi-happies.

Fun with the Canadian in town. He brought new Degrassi episodes that haven’t aired here yet. I didn’t realize they even had TV up there… running water too? Little Rob and Degrassi… the only good things to come out of Canada. Oh wait, they gave us Celine Dion too right? Shit ok. Strike that. BLAME CANADA!

Ok, Target calls me on. So does the chorizo I just found out they’re selling @ the Associated Market down the street. WHAT?! Shit, man. I can feel it calling me… Fitter happier more productive updates coming soon.

Handed Cashetta my $2 and she handed over my gameboard.
Walked over to the sofa and nestled in between my friends.
Looked over to Randy and smiled. “I’m gonna win tonight.”

Spriteboy Speaks

It’s the sweetest $50 I’ve ever had.

When people tell me I have pretty eyes, I love telling them that they’re just contact lenses and then watching them try to save face w/o taking back the compliment. “Oh yeah, no I mean the SHAPE of your eyes.” Riiight.

God, I LOVE my DVR system. It’s just amazing, it even lets me replay something “live”, like if a commericial was really funny and I wannna see it again. I sat around the other day playing with it and toying with the settings, programmed my Series Recording options. It will now record every week’s new episode of One Tree Hill, The Inferno, Smallville, and whatever else I want — SIMULTANEOUSLY, too! Last night I recorded Sex & the City, Irton Fisted Angels, and Alias all at once and watched them when I got home, with full fast forward and rewind options. All for just $9 a month. I LOVE it.

I really need to spend tomorrow doing laundry and cleaning up around here. I’ve got company coming in this weekend. Perhaps a trip to Target will inspire me to put things in order.

People at the grocery store just couldn’t get it together today. Carts were left in the middle of every damn aisle and empty space, nobody could get theirs anywhere b/c everyone was just inching between them and moving back and forth and all up in each others way. After awhile I just joined the masses and did the same thing, it was more fun that way. The supermarket radio was playing “Moving On Up” by the M People, so I just shook my ass and continued on with my shopping. Next to the mousetraps, I spotted some glue traps for snakes. Do people actually get snakes in their apartment?

Popping out for another bingo night @ Urge, it just gives a sense of hope. I’ll probably leave early though, I’ve just got this irrepressible longing to come home and just do nothing.

I had an epiphany this evening while glancing up at the mammoth crystal chandelier that looms above me at the front desk in the Hudson lobby.

Look closely. The chandelier is gorgeous. It’s a quarter million, one-of-a-kind peice by Ingo Mauer and it glows bright from all angles of the main floor… or so it seems. There’s not a lamp or lightbulb on entire thing — it’s actually lit entirely by spotlights that surround it, and if you look even closer, you can also see the small hollogram slates affixed to its edges — illuminating images of light bulbs. They were a last-minute touch to the chandlier just before opening night. So, essentally, this oversized, beautiful shock to your senses is a great big dazzling trick; it gives off the impression of light rather than actually lighting anything at all. Much like the oversized and beautiful hotel itself, which gives off the impression of hospitality and service rather than actually deliverying any.

How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

Rough night at work. I’m getting so sick of dissappointing people, but there’s only so much I can do with deficient materials. I need resources, man. I took a break from the usual scheming and decieving at the front desk tonight and played big flaming florist/set designer for a little bit.

(Yes, the rooms are really that small!)

It made me feel better.

And so, for the first time in 25 years, Sprite finally has a Valentine. My funny valentine, who made me a mixed cd, wined and dined me @ right proper resturant, even let me doze off @ the Rufus concert (dude, the music is so pretty it just makes me tired), and then took me home and rocked me all night long. (Did you know the common necktie has many, many uses?) Not bragging, just boasting. You know how we do.

Happy VD to you all. Take it anywhich way you wish.

UPDATE: Dude, I found CAMP on DVD @ BORDERS in the TimeWarner Center this afternoon! All this time I thought I’d have to wait till the official release date at the end of the month! I didn’t even know that had a bookstore up in there. I didn’t even know they sold DVD’s. What the hell?! God, I love this movie. Flashbacks from last summer, man. How shall I see you through my tears? You don’t even know.

Snuck out of work an hour early and metup with Randyboy and Mr. Badwound and his merry crew @ The Monster to finish the night off. Dancing, laughing, strutting, and catching the last A train express home. It was a great end to a great day.