It’s funny how things in your life can change sometimes without you even knowing how or why. They say change is good, but I hate people who say that, cuz suddenly your wonderful little world is all kinds of different and there’s nothing left to do but wipe your tears away, regain your balance, accept the changes and continue with your ongoing quest to become an adult. Just roll with the punches, press on, or whatever. Look at me act like I know what I’m talking about… I think my mask is slipping just a little.

I’m gonna push off from the blogging thing for a bit now. Trust me, my heart is breaking but I need to get some fresh air. I keep hearing there’s life out there or something, maybe it’s about time I go see what all the hype is. Please excuse the puzzling theatrics of my broke-down exodus, but this wouldn’t be half as fun for you to read if I weren’t being all dramatic and shit. Don’t step on the sap I seem to have dribbled behind me, you know how we do.

Thanks for reading. Later, winners!

Shit, why isn’t there an I Love the 90’s special on Vh1 yet?

90210, British Knights, boomboxes, Kriss Kross, Gameboys, the Ducktales cartoon, Hammer pants, Kelly Kapowski, Burger King birthday parties, Ramona Quimby Age 8, 2 Unlimited, Slip-N-Slide, slap bracelets, “I know you are but what am I?”, pagers, SLAM books, Ricki Lake (”Go Rick-ie! Go-Rick-ie!”), Arsenio, Jock Jams, mini-backpacks, Beavis & Butthead, tamagotchi, Leo-mania, grunge, the New Mickey Mouse Club, Blossom hats, daisey dukes, “Peace in the Middle East”, Mel Gibson, boybands & britpop, in-line skates, The X- Files, ripping the bottoms of your jeans, blue nail polish, Alternative Rock, skateboarding, South Park, MASH (mansion, apartment, shack, house), Boys II Men, made for TV movies starring Nancy McKeon and Meredith Baxter, ABC’s TGIF lineup, Doc Martens, “What is love? Baby don’t hurt me…”, three-way phone calls, Baywatch, CrazySexyCool, beanie babies, The Real World, Princess Di, tight-rolling the bottoms of your jeans, bungeejumping, My So-Called Life, Save The Children Fundraisers, Indiana Jones, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, razor scooters, Tetris, Reality Bites, Tevin Campell, Bill & Ted, the Steve Urkel craze, safe sex ads, Alanis Morrissette, Skip-It, Fraggle Rock, Air Jordan pump-ups, Monica Lewinksy, NKOTB, “jungle fever”, Kenny G, Clueless, mixed tapes, Friends coffeehouses, and surfer haircuts. The tidbits of this decade are the details of my life, I could go on for hours. Get me on that panel of commentators, man.

Who the hell other than me has the time to listoff a bunch of random shit like that? Baby it’s 3am, I must be lonely (damn you matchbox twenty for introducing/etching that fucking lyric in my brain, I just know it’s going to outlive us all). That “Light & Day” song by The Polyphonic Spree is a damn anthem lately. For those of you who aren’t familiar with them, these guys are just fucking amazing. It’s like, a 20+ person ensemble kind of like a choir, they’ve got this oddball energy and their music is weird and infectious. I like how all their songs are so uplifting and sound so spontaneous and euphoric like they just took a bunch of slaphappy white people and taught them the chorus, gets me all peppy and in the groove. Don’t hate, ya’ll. We’re all part of a rythym nation, right?

This bipolar weather lately has got me so emotionally confused. I need eight layers of clothing to keep from freezing yet I’m blinded by the sun w/o any sunglasses on. I don’t understand how all the Irish went on marching the other morning, my Irish-Mexican ass stayed buried under 2 comforters on my futon. I’m venturing out today though to see Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind, which conflicts with my hatred for Jim Carrey and these stabs he keeps taking at dramatic acting… also, Elijah Wood is in the movie and he and I sort of have issues. We’re not talking at the moment. Smug little bastard.

Color me foolish but I’ve agreed to go into work for a few hours on my day off and hold things down @ the Concierge desk. This is all part of a grand scheme, of course, to get my ass over to that Department by summertime. Word from one of my friends in Higher Managerial Places informs me that the boy they hired over me is getting transferred back to the front desk for a few weeks, and my name was apparently tossed around the table during a recent meeting. So I’m doing all I can to get myself over there soon. Performance anxieties and personal insecurites BE DAMNED.

This woman damn near scared the hell out of me. Hold your shit, Big Mama. Hold it far away from the webcam next time.

Has anyone seen the new issue of Details? That magazine, from front to back, is just 100% entertaining, it’s like a newsletter for Metrosexuals. I love it that they commissioned somebody to write a full-page article titled What Your Sideburns Say About You for their grooming section. The pimped-out Nick Lachey on the cover is nice to look at too, I’m glad to see all those steroids from high school paying off. Notice how his photo layout follows that article on B-List Boys Behind A-List Women. *bitter cough, bitter cough* Does anybody else watch that show and ge the feeling that Jessica’s dad sometimes wants to just leap across the table and choke him? “You tainted my virgin princess, you son of a bitch!”

People who are easily amused, like myself, will notice that the links and images on this here site now have little textboxes popping up when you hold your mouse over them. As if I’m not already trying way too hard to be witty. It’s a very played out little bloggertrick but it keeps me semi-entertained.

I read somewhere this week that Oxygen is about to start rerunning Living Single regularly now. What could be better than ending my long nights @ work by coming home and laughing my ass off at that show? Oooooh and in a 90’s kind of world I’m glad I got my girls.I have true love in my heart for big-boned Khadijah James. I could go on and on about that and so many other junior high TV shows — have we even talked about Fresh Prince? May the Lord bless Will Smith with fat babies for bringing “the Carlton dance” and “Wade in the Water” into my life.

A hotel guest slipped me a pair of brand new Burberry shades yesterday, snug in the official designer case and everything. I’m not much a of a label whore, they’re way too boxy for my face and to be honest I don’t much like their plaid design — I always opt for my cheapass $3 yellow pair from H&M, anyway. It was really nice though, especially cuz I’d been such an asshole to him when he was checking in. It’s amazing what a difference a free upgrade makes. I know I harp on this stuff all the time but it just baffles me how people feel entitled to more than they’re willing to pay for. Next time you’re pumping for a courtesy hotel upgrade or a free bump up to first class? try flashing some freebies back at the boy behind the desk. The day you make might very well be your own. Runteldat.

Is it wrong that I’m kinda attracted to the new girl @ work, who happens to be a lesbian? She’s got this whole petitte, sulty-voiced, suntanned Cali vibe going and I’m not usually attracted to cute white girls but there’s something about her. None of the girls @ work think she’s all that except for Cy, who supposedly sometimes likes girls like that. I had a talk with her tonight as she was heading out and she’s really cool, one of those people who you can tell they’re really listening when they’re speaking to you… maybe that’s what it is that I find attractive about her. She also has sexy eyes. I didn’t even know girl got down like that until she just opened up to me (not like that, you sick mofo’s) about her ex-girlfriend who she was about to go see, it took me by suprise but was really nice… just interacting with somebody. Felt good. It’s funny how I deal with hundreds of people everyday yet I never really feel like I’m communicating with them.

Speaking of the L word, I’ve been catching these late-night reruns of the old Ellen show. They’re playing that season where the writers kept alluding to her whole big Coming Out, and I gotta say, this is some really funny shit. They did this so cleverly. God bless Ellen DeGeneres. I love that we live in a world that would give her a 2nd chance to be funny for us again. Her whiteass rendition of “Shoop” by Salt-N-Pepa is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Remember that concert special she did where at the end, when the little butch lesboi in the audience thanks her and starts crying? I actually saw that girl @ Wendy’s once. Her hair looked the same.

I hooked up with this saucy girl @ a houseparty the first weekend of college. I was so fucking flattered cuz she’d totally hustled me. Later I found out she only approached me cuz she thought I was a cute little spiky-haired dyke. Even sadder: we’d totally made out for a good 15 minutes and it wasn’t until somebody LET HER KNOW afterwards that she realized I was a guy. Somebody punch me in the head.

I found some old tapes last night, footage from this project I was working on in high school for my Video Production class. I had this idea that I’d do these one-on-one Confessional-type interviews with all my monotonous schoolmates and get them talking about provacative stuff: drugs, sex, identity — you know, stuff that any private Christian high school student knows absolutely nothing about. It was such an MTV documentary riipoff, my trifiling ass even had the awkward camera angles and extra close zoom-action going with the top-40 music playing in the background, but you have to keep in mind that it’s 1997 and this was all very VERY modern and innovative by small-town Texas standards (I was hardly a smalltown Texan, I just commuted to school there). So yeah, I’m sitting there last night looking at all these kids I went to school with, I’m off camera asking them questions and they’re talking on camera about themselves and their (youth pastor’s!) ideas and it’s just too hysterical.

“How important is sex to you?”
“Sex is a beautiful thing that God made for a man and a woman who have saved themselves for one another, but it’s gotten perverted over the years.”

“What inspires you?”
“A really powerful sermon.”

“Where do you see yourself in about 5 years?”
“Probably leading a mission trip or doing sports commentary on CNN.”

Oh and I am not safe either, man. Yes, I even caught myself doing a little interview and dammit, I was such a little POSUER! I watched that shit laughing my head off — me with the combat boots and the strategically-messy hair and the moody, broody gazes that just almost make me look like the star of a horrible WB teen drama series. I mean, it was just ALL SO DELIBERATE. I actually remember sitting there saying this stuff and trying really hard to look aloof and Jordan Catalano-like, doing my damnedest to visually transfuse cuteness and talent and just permeate star quality, so that maybe somebody out there would look at it and go, “Wow, what a hot little guy. He stands out! Let’s cast him!”

Heh. So glad I’m not like that anymore.

Over the weekend, Randyboy schemed us a kickass ride outta the city and into those faroff lands that you have to take bridges to get to. It was a little bit terrifying and exciting to leave Manhattan, but I was determined to see if the rumors of dry land were true.

We woke @ 8am and began our day. As we raced from the bubble of Metropolis, “Wide Open Spaces” blasted from the stereo (we’re a little bit really gay sometimes) and our journey began. What we found ahead of us was simply amazing. Glorious, even. We found a world where Starbucks and McDonald’s share building space, where streets go by names instead of numbers, where Target’s are even GREATER and more vast than I’d ever dreamed!

Spriteboy taking a car and leaving the city totally at his own will? Who the hell am I becoming, right? Dude, I don’t even know. It was one of the funnest days I’ve had all year (so far). It was somehow just what I didn’t know I needed. A wonderful daytime getaway, just me and my boy lollipop who makes my heart go giddyup.

After the Comments pileup on Kyle’s entry, I figured I’d steal some of his flare and do the same thing here. Raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens. All that shit.

- a tumbler of freshly brewed iced tea with 3 ices cubes and 1 bendy straw
- every album by R.E.M.
- when me and all the cool kids are working the same shift, time flies by so much faster
- the feeling I get after I do laundry
- Wagners Cove @ Central Park
- updating my Netflix Rental Queue
- morning thunderstorms
- the hour of walking around after i get my hair did and everybody’s wishing they were me with the cute hair (i know it’s not the case but i like to think it is)
- Snicker’s Popables
- translucent red objects (cd cases, floppy disks, cellphone covers)
- black & white photos of people up close
- that damn sappy Coke commercial with all the kids riding the train home late one night after a wild night out together (gets me every time)
- when little kids still learning to talk speak in Spanish
- when my Grandmother says, “I’ll bet you a gold monkey…”
- the Strawberry Tsunami @ Jamba Juice
- cheerful old people
- every issue of PAPER magazine
- Thursday nights around 10pm, knowing my shift @ work is almost over and payroll will be direct deposited into my checking account in 2hrs
- New Wave Cafe @ 79th & Broadway
- Axe deoderant in gel form (Pheonix is the scent of choice)
- 2am Daria reruns
- T-shirts that hug my chest and pants that cling in all the right places
- the inner workings of the NYC subway system. i am ENDLESSLY fascinated.
- lazy, hungover, willing-to-let-Chris-kiss-me-all-day Randyboy on Saturday mornings
- strawberry poptarts WITH frosting
- “I Shall Believe” by Sheryl Crow
- when people ask, “Do you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend?”
- the Yahoo! Companion Toolbar Pop-Up Blocker, it makes web surfin’ so much easier
- my iTunes playlist on repeat while I clean my apartment
- wall callendars of Irish Castles
- AIM and blogsurfing before I head out to work
- catching the last half hour of The Color Purple on cable
- late afternoon Target runs

What makes you rave?

So I’m bumming around the back office at work the other day, just looking for stuff to keep me away from the front desk (it’s been fucking busy lately), when my buddy Ara tells me there’s “a really hot guy at the desk” asking for me. My initial reaction is to hesitate: “Is it a guest?” I ask. “No, I don’t think so,” she says. “He seemed happy.” Okay, now my curiousity it tapped.

I head out to the lobby and there’s this (can I even SAY this word?) babe standing there. Touseled hair, attractive style, clean-scrubbed face, REALLY handsome. I don’t know him, but he’s got this smile in his eyes and he extends his hand : “Chris? Hi. Bam Bam London.”

I know him! He reads my website! We’d emailed off and on way back in the day. I had no idea he was coming to the city, but it was great to meet him. Those brazen brits. Crossing all sorts of lines and breaking too many personal space rules, I dismissed the handshake and attacked him with a hug. Turns out, his name’s Bri and he was in town “on holiday” and thought it would be cool to stop into Hudson and chat me up in person (a brazen move for a total stranger — and not one I recommend for the most part). I wish I could’ve gotten a picture with him so you guys could see why I was so pumped to meet him — he’s HOT, we’re talking BBMAK-type cute. We talked for a bit, exchanged numbers, and made plans to get together. Alas, all our planning proved to be Just Big Talk (so often the case in this city, it seems) and we never actually got to meetup before he headed back to the UK. Even still, the exchange was a highlight of my weekend. It’s not often I meet random handome lads from distant lands who read this blog and wish to hang with me. (Ok, well, maybe it’s happened once, twice, or thrice before.) Such a small little internet world.

Keep in touch, Bri. I got your text messages, and it was a pleasure meeting you, albeit way too brief a tease. Shoot me an e and let’s get this thing started on the AIM tip soon, innit.

1. What was the last song you heard?
“Caught In the Middle” by the Sugarbabes.

2. What were the last two movies you saw?
- Barbershop. I’d never seen it before. Eve was funny: “Who the hell drank my goddamn apple juice?!”
- Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. Let me make it unmistakingly clear that I did NOT pay a single cent to watch this shit, there was simply a bootleg version of it playing on the TV screens @ Luca Lounge the other night.

3. What were the last three things you purchased?
To my credit, it’s been a long time since I’ve done any frivolous spending at all, so it took me awhile to remember this.
- a gameboard @ Drag Queen Bingo last Monday ($2)
- a 10 peice chicken mcnugget meal @ McDonald’s ($4)
- a 3 day trial membership to an internet porn site (priceless)

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
- pay my cable bill
- see M & J
- get a haircut
- make a Target run
- do something alone with Randy

(oops, that was five)

5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
- Ben. Turns out he knows the people who own

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.
- Bron, who appears to be determined.
- Joy. I swear there was some tongue in that goonight peck.
- Adam, just before he left town.
- Matty, who always makes me smile…

Spriteboy: Matty, what is “TUT”?
UK Matt: it is a noise of disapproval. do you not tut in america?
Spriteboy: no, we roll our eyes and say “Whatever”
UK Matt: ah yes
UK Matt: i have seen Clueless!
Spriteboy: have you seen it?!
UK Matt: yes! it is good
UK Matt: although she shouldnt marry her brother at the end
UK Matt: that’s a bit weird
Spriteboy: he’s not
UK Matt: is he not?
Spriteboy: no, he’s her EX STEP brother
UK Matt: oh
UK Matt: that would make more sense
Spriteboy: have yu thought all this time that he was her brother?
UK Matt: um maybe
UK Matt: but…
UK Matt: are they brother and sister in Cruel Intentions?
Spriteboy: Steps, again. but not Ex-steps. they’re currents.
UK Matt: americans…

Craigslist is amazing. A friend of mine used it and just found a no-fee 1 bedroom setup in the east village for $750. I was kicking it with him just a few days ago and suddenly he’s got an apartment in Alphabet City! He’s on 5th and A — fucking Avenue A @ 5th Street, can you believe it?! He’s the damn cast of RENT! This wonderfull bullshit is just that: wonderful and bullshit. Ugh, I can’t stand it.

Money is NOT a loyal constant in my reality these days. I bought this coolass printer on clearance @ Target a few weeks ago, and due to my lack of sufficient funds to party, looks like I’ll be taking it back for a refund. I’m also hauling in all my spare coins for cash(I actually went though all my coats for loose change, how humiliating), and resorting to a WALK-IN haircut with whoever can cut me up (as apposed to making a reservation and paying an extra $20 to get the guy I REALLY want, even MORE humiliating). I remember being a teenager who knew everything, watching those credit card consilidation commercials where people said things like, “I don’t know how I got into so much debt in just 5 years!”, and I’d think what idiots those people were. I’d snicker at them and just marvel at how impossible it actually is for people to burn through all their funds without even realizing it. Heh… funny how I find myself totally on the opposite end of that now.