Runteldat

This bipolar weather lately has got me so emotionally confused. I need eight layers of clothing to keep from freezing yet I’m blinded by the sun w/o any sunglasses on. I don’t understand how all the Irish went on marching the other morning, my Irish-Mexican ass stayed buried under 2 comforters on my futon. I’m venturing out today though to see Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind, which conflicts with my hatred for Jim Carrey and these stabs he keeps taking at dramatic acting… also, Elijah Wood is in the movie and he and I sort of have issues. We’re not talking at the moment. Smug little bastard.

Color me foolish but I’ve agreed to go into work for a few hours on my day off and hold things down @ the Concierge desk. This is all part of a grand scheme, of course, to get my ass over to that Department by summertime. Word from one of my friends in Higher Managerial Places informs me that the boy they hired over me is getting transferred back to the front desk for a few weeks, and my name was apparently tossed around the table during a recent meeting. So I’m doing all I can to get myself over there soon. Performance anxieties and personal insecurites BE DAMNED.

This woman damn near scared the hell out of me. Hold your shit, Big Mama. Hold it far away from the webcam next time.

Has anyone seen the new issue of Details? That magazine, from front to back, is just 100% entertaining, it’s like a newsletter for Metrosexuals. I love it that they commissioned somebody to write a full-page article titled What Your Sideburns Say About You for their grooming section. The pimped-out Nick Lachey on the cover is nice to look at too, I’m glad to see all those steroids from high school paying off. Notice how his photo layout follows that article on B-List Boys Behind A-List Women. *bitter cough, bitter cough* Does anybody else watch that show and ge the feeling that Jessica’s dad sometimes wants to just leap across the table and choke him? “You tainted my virgin princess, you son of a bitch!”

People who are easily amused, like myself, will notice that the links and images on this here site now have little textboxes popping up when you hold your mouse over them. As if I’m not already trying way too hard to be witty. It’s a very played out little bloggertrick but it keeps me semi-entertained.

I read somewhere this week that Oxygen is about to start rerunning Living Single regularly now. What could be better than ending my long nights @ work by coming home and laughing my ass off at that show? Oooooh and in a 90′s kind of world I’m glad I got my girls.I have true love in my heart for big-boned Khadijah James. I could go on and on about that and so many other junior high TV shows — have we even talked about Fresh Prince? May the Lord bless Will Smith with fat babies for bringing “the Carlton dance” and “Wade in the Water” into my life.

A hotel guest slipped me a pair of brand new Burberry shades yesterday, snug in the official designer case and everything. I’m not much a of a label whore, they’re way too boxy for my face and to be honest I don’t much like their plaid design — I always opt for my cheapass $3 yellow pair from H&M, anyway. It was really nice though, especially cuz I’d been such an asshole to him when he was checking in. It’s amazing what a difference a free upgrade makes. I know I harp on this stuff all the time but it just baffles me how people feel entitled to more than they’re willing to pay for. Next time you’re pumping for a courtesy hotel upgrade or a free bump up to first class? try flashing some freebies back at the boy behind the desk. The day you make might very well be your own. Runteldat.

Lesbo’s

March 18th, 2004

Is it wrong that I’m kinda attracted to the new girl @ work, who happens to be a lesbian? She’s got this whole petitte, sulty-voiced, suntanned Cali vibe going and I’m not usually attracted to cute white girls but there’s something about her. None of the girls @ work think she’s all that except for Cy, who supposedly sometimes likes girls like that. I had a talk with her tonight as she was heading out and she’s really cool, one of those people who you can tell they’re really listening when they’re speaking to you… maybe that’s what it is that I find attractive about her. She also has sexy eyes. I didn’t even know girl got down like that until she just opened up to me (not like that, you sick mofo’s) about her ex-girlfriend who she was about to go see, it took me by suprise but was really nice… just interacting with somebody. Felt good. It’s funny how I deal with hundreds of people everyday yet I never really feel like I’m communicating with them.

Speaking of the L word, I’ve been catching these late-night reruns of the old Ellen show. They’re playing that season where the writers kept alluding to her whole big Coming Out, and I gotta say, this is some really funny shit. They did this so cleverly. God bless Ellen DeGeneres. I love that we live in a world that would give her a 2nd chance to be funny for us again. Her whiteass rendition of “Shoop” by Salt-N-Pepa is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Remember that concert special she did where at the end, when the little butch lesboi in the audience thanks her and starts crying? I actually saw that girl @ Wendy’s once. Her hair looked the same.

I hooked up with this saucy girl @ a houseparty the first weekend of college. I was so fucking flattered cuz she’d totally hustled me. Later I found out she only approached me cuz she thought I was a cute little spiky-haired dyke. Even sadder: we’d totally made out for a good 15 minutes and it wasn’t until somebody LET HER KNOW afterwards that she realized I was a guy. Somebody punch me in the head.

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Gen-X Factor

March 17th, 2004

I found some old tapes last night, footage from this project I was working on in high school for my Video Production class. I had this idea that I’d do these one-on-one Confessional-type interviews with all my monotonous schoolmates and get them talking about provacative stuff: drugs, sex, identity — you know, stuff that any private Christian high school student knows absolutely nothing about. It was such an MTV documentary riipoff, my trifiling ass even had the awkward camera angles and extra close zoom-action going with the top-40 music playing in the background, but you have to keep in mind that it’s 1997 and this was all very VERY modern and innovative by small-town Texas standards (I was hardly a smalltown Texan, I just commuted to school there). So yeah, I’m sitting there last night looking at all these kids I went to school with, I’m off camera asking them questions and they’re talking on camera about themselves and their (youth pastor’s!) ideas and it’s just too hysterical.

“How important is sex to you?”
“Sex is a beautiful thing that God made for a man and a woman who have saved themselves for one another, but it’s gotten perverted over the years.”

“What inspires you?”
“A really powerful sermon.”

“Where do you see yourself in about 5 years?”
“Probably leading a mission trip or doing sports commentary on CNN.”

Oh and I am not safe either, man. Yes, I even caught myself doing a little interview and dammit, I was such a little POSUER! I watched that shit laughing my head off — me with the combat boots and the strategically-messy hair and the moody, broody gazes that just almost make me look like the star of a horrible WB teen drama series. I mean, it was just ALL SO DELIBERATE. I actually remember sitting there saying this stuff and trying really hard to look aloof and Jordan Catalano-like, doing my damnedest to visually transfuse cuteness and talent and just permeate star quality, so that maybe somebody out there would look at it and go, “Wow, what a hot little guy. He stands out! Let’s cast him!”

Heh. So glad I’m not like that anymore.

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Manhattan Daybreak

March 16th, 2004

Over the weekend, Randyboy schemed us a kickass ride outta the city and into those faroff lands that you have to take bridges to get to. It was a little bit terrifying and exciting to leave Manhattan, but I was determined to see if the rumors of dry land were true.

We woke @ 8am and began our day. As we raced from the bubble of Metropolis, “Wide Open Spaces” blasted from the stereo (we’re a little bit really gay sometimes) and our journey began. What we found ahead of us was simply amazing. Glorious, even. We found a world where Starbucks and McDonald’s share building space, where streets go by names instead of numbers, where Target’s are even GREATER and more vast than I’d ever dreamed!

“Faster, Randy! Faster!”

Spriteboy taking a car and leaving the city totally at his own will? Who the hell am I becoming, right? Dude, I don’t even know. It was one of the funnest days I’ve had all year (so far). It was somehow just what I didn’t know I needed. A wonderful daytime getaway, just me and my boy lollipop who makes my heart go giddyup.

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A Few of My Favorite Things

March 15th, 2004

After the Comments pileup on Kyle’s entry, I figured I’d steal some of his flare and do the same thing here. Raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens. All that shit.

- a tumbler of freshly brewed iced tea with 3 ices cubes and 1 bendy straw
- every album by R.E.M.
- when me and all the cool kids are working the same shift, time flies by so much faster
- the feeling I get after I do laundry
- Wagners Cove @ Central Park
- updating my Netflix Rental Queue
- morning thunderstorms
- the hour of walking around after i get my hair did and everybody’s wishing they were me with the cute hair (i know it’s not the case but i like to think it is)
- Snicker’s Popables
- translucent red objects (cd cases, floppy disks, cellphone covers)
- black & white photos of people up close
- that damn sappy Coke commercial with all the kids riding the train home late one night after a wild night out together (gets me every time)
- when little kids still learning to talk speak in Spanish
- when my Grandmother says, “I’ll bet you a gold monkey…”
- the Strawberry Tsunami @ Jamba Juice
- cheerful old people
- every issue of PAPER magazine
- Thursday nights around 10pm, knowing my shift @ work is almost over and payroll will be direct deposited into my checking account in 2hrs
- New Wave Cafe @ 79th & Broadway
- Axe deoderant in gel form (Pheonix is the scent of choice)
- 2am Daria reruns
- T-shirts that hug my chest and pants that cling in all the right places
- the inner workings of the NYC subway system. i am ENDLESSLY fascinated.
- lazy, hungover, willing-to-let-Chris-kiss-me-all-day Randyboy on Saturday mornings
- strawberry poptarts WITH frosting
- “I Shall Believe” by Sheryl Crow
- when people ask, “Do you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend?”
- the Yahoo! Companion Toolbar Pop-Up Blocker, it makes web surfin’ so much easier
- my iTunes playlist on repeat while I clean my apartment
- wall callendars of Irish Castles
- AIM and blogsurfing before I head out to work
- catching the last half hour of The Color Purple on cable
- late afternoon Target runs

What makes you rave?

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Bam Bam London

March 15th, 2004

So I’m bumming around the back office at work the other day, just looking for stuff to keep me away from the front desk (it’s been fucking busy lately), when my buddy Ara tells me there’s “a really hot guy at the desk” asking for me. My initial reaction is to hesitate: “Is it a guest?” I ask. “No, I don’t think so,” she says. “He seemed happy.” Okay, now my curiousity it tapped.

I head out to the lobby and there’s this (can I even SAY this word?) babe standing there. Touseled hair, attractive style, clean-scrubbed face, REALLY handsome. I don’t know him, but he’s got this smile in his eyes and he extends his hand : “Chris? Hi. Bam Bam London.”

I know him! He reads my website! We’d emailed off and on way back in the day. I had no idea he was coming to the city, but it was great to meet him. Those brazen brits. Crossing all sorts of lines and breaking too many personal space rules, I dismissed the handshake and attacked him with a hug. Turns out, his name’s Bri and he was in town “on holiday” and thought it would be cool to stop into Hudson and chat me up in person (a brazen move for a total stranger — and not one I recommend for the most part). I wish I could’ve gotten a picture with him so you guys could see why I was so pumped to meet him — he’s HOT, we’re talking BBMAK-type cute. We talked for a bit, exchanged numbers, and made plans to get together. Alas, all our planning proved to be Just Big Talk (so often the case in this city, it seems) and we never actually got to meetup before he headed back to the UK. Even still, the exchange was a highlight of my weekend. It’s not often I meet random handome lads from distant lands who read this blog and wish to hang with me. (Ok, well, maybe it’s happened once, twice, or thrice before.) Such a small little internet world.

Keep in touch, Bri. I got your text messages, and it was a pleasure meeting you, albeit way too brief a tease. Shoot me an e and let’s get this thing started on the AIM tip soon, innit.

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