The kids over @ The Weblog Review dropped by here again recently to give me the once-over, and although I got mixed reviews last time, the new verdict is in: I rock. Brent, the kickass webmaster of The Weblog Review, gave me a 4.75 rating out of 5! And I made the Readers Top 5 list, which is just cool shit. You can read the review here.

Hee. This gives me a happy.

Angry thunderstorms headed to New York today. I’d planned to go out to Roosevelt Island this afternoon and see what all that was about, cuz I’ve been hearing how gorgeous it is and I’ve always seen it just sitting there, full of history, and never really known much about it. I’ve heard rumors that they used to breed hogs on the island way back in the day and so to this day they don’t allow dogs there b/c the scent is embedded into the ground or something. They used to call it Welfare Island and it was a jail and asylum and quarentine area, that’s just fascinating to me. Parts of it are still off-limits, but people live here anyway. I just have this idea in my head that it’s all underdeveloped and there’s no heat or plumbing or DSL connection anywhere. I was @ The Beekman Towers the other day on the east side and the view overlooking the island was amazing. But alas, no travelling today. It’s kind of perfect, actually. I have lots of stuff around here to do, like put away the 50lbs of laundry I did the other day before it mixes with my dirty laundry and I can no longer tell which is which. Garden State comes out today too, and the trailer has been luring me in for a long time.

So work has been going really well. I was worried about things feeling off when I came back from surgery but it’s actually been great, just jumped right back into the chaos. But it’s a lucrative chaos so I’m not complaining. The folks @ that posh gift/fragrnance shop Asprey invited me to some Concierge program they’re launching. It’s a breakfast, I’d have to get up @ 8:30a on my day off to go… but I’ll so be there. It’s a luxury gift company! Hello, giftbags. A guest actually gave me a gift bag from Illume last night and now my apartment smells a Starbucks @ 6am. Actually, in my next few days I get to go to quite a few fun spots! Most notably there, there, there, there, and there for free meals and VIP treatment — anybody wanna come?

I may go up to The Cloisters later and stand at the edge of the cliffs during the downpour, cuz I’m just sort aching for a Shawshank Redemption moment.

Sing it, Jamie.

I sure as hell get sick of the same old faces and the same old stories in this blogworld sometimes, I’m sure you all do too. Or maybe you just get bored and want something new to look at while the plumber rips up your bathroom floor to fix the leak coming from your tub… that might just be me though (he’d better put those tiles back, man). Fortunately there is never a shortage of new blogs and webpages being created by cybernewbies with fresh content and outlooks to keep us happy. These are some newer (well, new to me) blogs that I just started reading, definately worth my mention and worth a little peek or two from you. Bookmark as you please.

WilliamShatner.com - Can you believe Captain Kirk has a blog? Old folks just make me laugh. His entries are really short but they seem really thoughtful and genuine, plus he gets a shitload of comments. I really liked the one he did about seeing Mr. Spock again.

Incredible Hulk’s Blog - Sample from a recent entry: Hulk also have to say that Hulk will have Iron Man help him remove comments from diary if puny humans do not stop acting like they are people they are not! THIS MEANS YOU, FAKE JOHN KERRY AND FAKE MONKEY PRESIDENT AND FAKE STAN LEE AND FAKE BILL BIXBY AND FAKE OTHER PEOPLE. I love it. I like the way he writes, simple and in broken english with no so many links littering up his content. Welcome to the blog world, Hulk. I like your hair.

LimeFizz.net - Ali really likes Lime. “When I was a kid my grandmother would bring over green and red suckers for my sister and I. I always wanted the green ones, which were lime-flavoured. I love lime-flavoured things. Now, I’m obsessed. It’s a shame.” I love blogs like this. She’s funny, and I love stopping in every few days and seeing what new song she has embedded into her journal.

Written On a Napkin - The blog of Dave, 23yr old guy who has already seen and experienced more life in various states and countries than I’ve even begun to think about. I’ve been following his journeys since he started blogging about them 2yrs ago when he moved from Houston to New York. Once, I dug through every entry he’d ever written to find his email address so i could tell him how much I enjoyed his blog. He wrote back a quick little response that sorta made me think he doesn’t even spend much time thinking about what he does, that he just does them and keeps going. Made me like him even more.

And of course, Mo Livin’: the Dog Blog - That was him who inserted an animated little ad into my layout code, I’m still trying to figure out how to take it down. He doesn’t update much and I don’t like his smug little attitude either, he’s all hung up on his pedigree and whatnot. Whatever, he’s still cute. Just don’t forget who feeds and hosts your content, squirt.

If these aren’t amusing enough, I could begin listing all the folks I no longer read, but that wouldn’t make much sense would it?

***

It’s a nice day outside. I’m going for a run before I hit the gym, just cuz treadmills opress me. Then again, the free weights do to. Can’t I just go in there and wear my iPod armstrap thing and just look sweaty? I’m gonna work on this and get back to ya’ll with an update. Happy Monday.

“Thank you so much, by the way, for my yellow bracelet! I love it.”
“You’re so welcome. They’re for a good cause.”
“You know, I’m suddenly seeing EVERYONE wearing them these days. How did you manage to get ahead of this trend so fast?”
“I got cancer.”
“Ahhhh. Right.”

I had a weird dream last night that I found a dog out someplace downtown while I was running from druglords. No clue what brought this on, cuz I’m not really one to play with random alleyway animals or frollic with crackheads, but you never know what dreams are about. Anyway, he (the dog) was hurt and scared and I spent the whole day with him training him and loving on him, and suddenly it was late at night and I realized that i hadn’t gone into work. I’d spent the whole day with this dog on the run from badguys or something, and neglected to call out of work, leaving my poor coworker Ben all alone to handle swarms of eurotrash and underacheivers trying to get themselves onto the guest list for Cielo. I just felt AWFUL, crippled with guilt about it and no longer even thinking about my life being in danger. WHAT THE HELL? Do I really place that much importance on work? That can’t be good, even subliminally implied. Anyway, I woke up from my dream feeling way too well-rested and sure enough, I’d overslept and was supposed to have been @ work 45 minutes ago. “Shit!” I screamed, throwing on my clothes and racing through the apartment. SQUISH! — right into a fresh little pile sitting in my hallway. I cursed the day I ever brought a puppy into my home, flew out the building, and hailed the nearest gypsy cab to work. Suprise suprise, Ben was there @ the desk all alone when I rushed in. A thousand apologies and a guilt-ridden “breakfast on me” later, I was able to regain some focus. Weird way to start my day, though.

The Polyphonic Spree are playing Irving Plaza a month from today. $22 tickets! I’m there, man. The last time I went to a show @ Irving Plaza, I saw Eve 6. It was supposed to be a date, and the fickle bitch never even showed, totally stood me up. I ended up calling my buddy Art and wearing my sexy jeans for nothing. Hopefully this show will be a better experience. Anybody wanna go get poly-brainwashed with me? You bring the black Adidas tracksuit, I’ll bring the poison kool-aid!

I saw I, Robot the other day. I’m a sucker for these sci-fi futuristic action flicks — hell, The Fifth Element is in constant rotation up in here. No, really, I’ve put that movie on loop and just spent the afternoon cleaning or sorting laundry or just doing whatever in my apartment while it plays. It’s just one of THOSE movies for me. Anyway, I, Robot wasn’t too bad, the plot was a little forced but the city just looked so damn cool. Everybody’s clothes were hot, it made me wanna go out and buy converse and a new leather jacket. The naked Will Smith shower scene was especially mighty mighty and enlightening, cuz dammit, I had no idea. I just had no idea, folks. This is a story all about how my life got flipturned upside down and I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there, and i’ll tell you about the bulge on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. DAMN. Sorry, that was a cheap line, but I meant it fully out of respect for Big Willie. Good for you, Jada. Ride that pony, bitch.

So I got invited to a “swinger’s party” by one of the obscenely beautiful guys I work with, Yes, you read that right, a swinger’s party. Like this is 1977 or something. When Clark (cuz of the striking resemblance he and his body bear to Tom Welling) told me about it, it took me a second to make sure I heard him correctly… well mostly b/c he didn’t exactly say `swingers’, he just made the little gesture with his hand back and forth, like a swinging door. “It’s a bi party?” I asked, confused. He winked, “Or something along those blurry lines, yeah.” Suddenly, the whole thing started to make a little bit of sense. Heh, some backstory for you…

A few months ago, in a desperate attempt to get out of my head, I went out with a bunch of the kids from work (Clark and his fiancee were in attendance). This was rare for me b/c I don’t like mixing my worlds like that, but I was hoping to just get outta my head for a few hours and since drugs and alcohaulism have never been appealing options, I figured a night out in a club would be the next best thing. We all spent most of the evening @ Patio in the east village and eventually wound up @ the Leopard Lounge for the rest of the night, just dancing and partying. I ended up getting all sweaty and saucy with the fiancee on the dancefloor and I’m not sure if she was just a really good dancer, or if this was my weakness for ethnic little brown girls kicking back in, but she was turning me on like I couldn’t believe and I was getting mighty tempted to do something naughty. Then, out of nowhere, Clark presses up from behind me all kinds of turned on and suddenly I’m in the middle of some kinky swingers sandwich. The lips, the curves, the biceps, the heavy breathing, the girl, the boy, and me all up in the writhing menagerie — it was something out of a Franz Fernidand song. Just a really random, really sexy moment on the dancefloor with this fiesty girl and her curious boy. Got me outta my head for sure.

The party is tomorrow night, Clark seems pretty into the idea. The twist: no fiancee coming along. This just opens a whole NEW sordid spin, makes it all dirrty… my presence is discreetly requested and I wonder if maybe it’s about time for my arrival. Am I gonna go? Hmm…. Wouldn’t you just love to know?

This ain’t no red shoe diary, man!

I have the cutest little dog in Manhattan. True, I’ve had to remove all of my Urban Outfitter rugs b/c he was a little too eager to make himself at home, but he’s still adorable and pretty well-behaved and makes traffic stop anytime I take him out… okay, I rarely take him out but still. He probably would stop traffic. Anyway, it was just a matter of time before he started his own blog and I gotta say, I’m just proud as hell. You’re nobody in this city if you don’t have your own url. Mo’s a smug little bastard and I’ll be damned if he starts getting more traffic than me, but bookmark that link and go read his shit. And walk him for me? Thanks.

A new gem has been added to the crown that New York City wears as it rules over all other cities in the world: a new Target just opened in Brooklyn! I fucking hate leaving the island but dammit, I just LOOOOOVE Target so damn much. I will get dressed @ 9pm and board the A train down there to buy a 12pak of PopTarts for $2 (damn near everything @ Target costs $2). Anyway, they actually threw an opening party for the new store last night and my ass somehow weasled an invite (gotta get yourself, gotta get yourself, gotta get yourself connected) and although I host some serious Manhattan hateration/holleration in this dancerie for the outer boroughs, I got my vaccines, packed some bread and water, and braved the journey out there… got there late but it was still awesome. There was press coverage, free concessions (I love those 50 cent gooey Target brownies), I think there was a band at one point, and there were bonafide celebs all over the place. I saw a Gyllenhaal and nearly cried! Chloe Sevigny, who I keep trying to really like but never end up actually liking, was also there and I think a few of those annoying Heatherette kids, too — not actual fashion frontpeople, but like the hanger-ons. You know, the social-climbing tag-along ones who are 20yrs old but wanna kick it like they were there for all the “glamorous” drugged-out clubdays of early-90’s NYC? I just don’t get the cute factor of what they’re about. And no, I didn’t just watch Party Monster and suddenly try to think I’m an expert on the subject. I remember when the Michael Alig shit was happening all over the nation cuz the clubkids were all over TV — Geraldo, Jenny Jones, Rolanda, you name it — glittered-up fools were coming out of the woodwark, taking animal tranquilizers and talking about what a party life really is (i.e. Richie Rich with those fucking roller skates and those striped Pipi Longstocking tights). I remember that shit for real, ok. Whatever. Back to topic. The marketing masterminds @ Target are slick mofos —- throwing an buzzworthy Opening Party? Fucking great. I’m not sure how often I’ll go to Brooklyn just for Target (ok, probably never) but it was fun to check it out once. I bought a pair of black furry slippers to wear around the house, but I’m sure Mo will get to them before I do, dammit.

In the wake of all this heavy shit, I got a much-needed cellular blast of fresh air from my favorite foul-mouthed cohort Melissa yesterday afternoon before work. It’s nice when phone tag games finally pay off with actual CONTACT. I’ve been seeing her great big Girls Behaving Badly ads all over the backend of Manhattan buses for the past week, so I had to clown her ass about it. She walked me through the recent antics in her world as of late (”Fuck YOU, Leslie!”) and as always dished me a little bit of reality tv inner circle gossip (if only I was allowed to share, man) — and dude, we’re still pissed as hell about not making the cut as panelists on I Love the 90’s but as God is our witness we prevail, we prevail. It just means the upcoming audioposts will be better for ya’ll to enjoy. It was awesome to hear from her, the time just flew by and it put a big bounce in my othwerwise overextended afternoon at work. Oh, I did get some ill freebies via a sales rep from that Art of Shaving store, though. That junk is pimpass DELUXE-type shit. Seriously, I feel like P.Diddy with this fine skin so fresh and so clean.

UPDATE: TARGET PHOTOS!

I just found out there’s a Target just 10 minutes up from my house! It’s perfect cuz I was just thinking how badly I needed to go stockup on useless-but-essential shit, and the Queens Mall location is just so far away. This one is just one stop off the 1 train into the Bronx @ 225th St, so I’ll be bringing my gat and mexican accent with me. And maybe some crack, too, cuz I hear that’s how they do it in the Boogie Down. Shit, winners, $2 PopTarts are about to cost me my life.

This morning I started some of the prep work for when I begin Radiation Therapy in 2 weeks. I hadn’t slept well the night before and woke up with a horrible headache, even Mo was grouchy. I finally rolled out of bed and cabbed it to the hospital, just cuz I knew if I’d be a broken man if I had to sit on a crowded train down to Columbus Circle and spend my morning in a ragged hospital gown.

The technician and I did this thing called “mapping” where basically I lie there naked while total strangers watch and they program the big scary machines in the room to recognize my body. They also stuck me with a tiny needle and rubbed it with permenant ink to mark the places where they’ll aline the lasers with my body. Yes man, I got fucking tatooed for this shit, 5 random little dots. I always thought that if I one day stumbled upon a thought or idea that inspired me enough to get permenantly inked? it’d be something meaningful or special, or you know, something I fucking chose. Not a damn little period that looks like I dropped am uncapped Bic on myself — I actually keep licking my finger and rubbing them, out of habit, just thinking I’ll wipe them away. Whatever, they’re supposed to make this whole process that much more smooth once we begin anyway, so I just gotta go with the flow. Not something I’ve ever been good at doing. The first thing I do when all this is over is get these tat’s removed and throw all my radiation-worn underwear into the Hudson river. Yes, I went to H&M and bought a whole new batch just to wear for this ordeal. Some people might want to keep these things as little reminders of what they’ve been through… not my ass. I want them GONE.

As I was lying on the table this morning with my gown pulled up and my balls clamped in a protective sphere, instructed to lay still and only able to just stare up at the ceiling, a lot of heavy belated shit really just started to sink in with me. My good buddy Lori just lost her grandmother the other day and had to fly to Atlanta to help the family out with the funeral stuff. I thought about what these next few days will be like for her and how she’ll eventually move past it but every once inawhile get stabbed with this cold pain of not having her grandma here anymore… just what that’s gonna be like for her. It made me think about my spunky grandma in Texas, how she fell a few months ago at church and hasn’t really felt strong again since it happened. About how some of my closest friends seem to have backed away from me during this cancer shit, for whatever discomforted reasons, and my relationships feel so scattered these days. About how Sara at work welled up with tears when I told her why I wear a yellow bracelet (”But you’re only 25…”), how she hugged me when I told her I beat it and now she wears a bracelet to support me. About how badly I still sorta ache for somebody who doesn’t ache back for me. About how little I’ve accomlished in what I originally set out to do with myself in New York. About all the loaded things that have been happening, how months have passed and I’ve just gotten through them, but I haven’t really felt like myself in a long time.

Maybe I’m going through some post-tumor weirdness, or just anxious about starting treatment. Maybe I’m just sick of this heavy stuff on my mind. Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of a serious headache this morning. Or maybe Melissa’s got it right, and I just I know way too much about them paper gowns lately

Yellow is my new favorite color.