Struggle
July 31st, 2004I know I try to present the idea of me being a somewhat well-adjusted young lad, but hell, you may as well know that most of the time I fucking struggle. I struggle with so much shit sometimes it’s just amazing I manage to get things accomplished. Nothing about it is special, it’s the same kind of trifling we all go through during random seasons. For me, right now, the biggest struggle is the cancer thing; a reality I’m still grappling with from time to time. I know I’ve referenced it lightly and given an upbeat spin on the lopsided situation, but you’re all smart enough to know it’s not altogether that simple. Shit is scary.
A lot of people have emailed me since this no-joke storyline of mine played out, and a lot of questions have been asked. I figure that since this is my own personal experience, I don’t want to overshare — plus, a lot of people don’t know how to react when given too much information and damn, I hate being the party pooper. This isn’t exactly the forum I’d choose to discuss it in, it’s not really what I blog for… but there are things folks are curious about, and I’m sort of in this weird betwixt-recovery-and-treatment stage that makes me all reflective and shit, so I think it’s a good idea to talk about this more.
I detected a lump in my testicle earlier this year. Small and painless, nothing strange or troubling. My sex life wasn’t lacking, everything looked and felt normal so I honestly quit thinking about it and just went on about my business, so to speak. Flashforward to the beginning of this month. I’m sitting in my living watching some vh1 Greatest Reality TV Moments thing and they’re talking about Tom Greene, back when he was documenting his whole testicular cancer ordeal, and how he toured the colleges telling guys to “Feel Your Balls”.
Bite-Sized Happy
July 30th, 2004The kids over @ The Weblog Review dropped by here again recently to give me the once-over, and although I got mixed reviews last time, the new verdict is in: I rock. 
Brent, the kickass webmaster of The Weblog Review, gave me a 4.75 rating out of 5! And I made the Readers Top 5 list, which is just cool shit. You can read the review here.
Hee. This gives me a happy.
All At Sea
July 28th, 2004Angry thunderstorms headed to New York today. I’d planned to go out to Roosevelt Island this afternoon and see what all that was about, cuz I’ve been hearing how gorgeous it is and I’ve always seen it just sitting there, full of history, and never really known much about it. I’ve heard rumors that they used to breed hogs on the island way back in the day and so to this day they don’t allow dogs there b/c the scent is embedded into the ground or something. They used to call it Welfare Island and it was a jail and asylum and quarentine area, that’s just fascinating to me. Parts of it are still off-limits, but people live here anyway. I just have this idea in my head that it’s all underdeveloped and there’s no heat or plumbing or DSL connection anywhere. I was @ The Beekman Towers the other day on the east side and the view overlooking the island was amazing. But alas, no travelling today. It’s kind of perfect, actually. I have lots of stuff around here to do, like put away the 50lbs of laundry I did the other day before it mixes with my dirty laundry and I can no longer tell which is which. Garden State comes out today too, and the trailer has been luring me in for a long time.
So work has been going really well. I was worried about things feeling off when I came back from surgery but it’s actually been great, just jumped right back into the chaos. But it’s a lucrative chaos so I’m not complaining. The folks @ that posh gift/fragrnance shop Asprey invited me to some Concierge program they’re launching. It’s a breakfast, I’d have to get up @ 8:30a on my day off to go… but I’ll so be there. It’s a luxury gift company! Hello, giftbags. A guest actually gave me a gift bag from Illume last night and now my apartment smells a Starbucks @ 6am. Actually, in my next few days I get to go to quite a few fun spots! Most notably there, there, there, there, and there for free meals and VIP treatment — anybody wanna come?
I may go up to The Cloisters later and stand at the edge of the cliffs during the downpour, cuz I’m just sort aching for a Shawshank Redemption moment.
Sing it, Jamie.
Lite Reading
July 26th, 2004I sure as hell get sick of the same old faces and the same old stories in this blogworld sometimes, I’m sure you all do too. Or maybe you just get bored and want something new to look at while the plumber rips up your bathroom floor to fix the leak coming from your tub… that might just be me though (he’d better put those tiles back, man). Fortunately there is never a shortage of new blogs and webpages being created by cybernewbies with fresh content and outlooks to keep us happy. These are some newer (well, new to me) blogs that I just started reading, definately worth my mention and worth a little peek or two from you. Bookmark as you please.
WilliamShatner.com – Can you believe Captain Kirk has a blog? Old folks just make me laugh. His entries are really short but they seem really thoughtful and genuine, plus he gets a shitload of comments. I really liked the one he did about seeing Mr. Spock again.
Incredible Hulk’s Blog – Sample from a recent entry: Hulk also have to say that Hulk will have Iron Man help him remove comments from diary if puny humans do not stop acting like they are people they are not! THIS MEANS YOU, FAKE JOHN KERRY AND FAKE MONKEY PRESIDENT AND FAKE STAN LEE AND FAKE BILL BIXBY AND FAKE OTHER PEOPLE. 
I love it. I like the way he writes, simple and in broken english with no so many links littering up his content. Welcome to the blog world, Hulk. I like your hair.
LimeFizz.net – Ali really likes Lime. “When I was a kid my grandmother would bring over green and red suckers for my sister and I. I always wanted the green ones, which were lime-flavoured. I love lime-flavoured things. Now, I’m obsessed. It’s a shame.” I love blogs like this. She’s funny, and I love stopping in every few days and seeing what new song she has embedded into her journal.
Written On a Napkin – The blog of Dave, 23yr old guy who has already seen and experienced more life in various states and countries than I’ve even begun to think about. I’ve been following his journeys since he started blogging about them 2yrs ago when he moved from Houston to New York. Once, I dug through every entry he’d ever written to find his email address so i could tell him how much I enjoyed his blog. He wrote back a quick little response that sorta made me think he doesn’t even spend much time thinking about what he does, that he just does them and keeps going. Made me like him even more.
And of course, Mo Livin’: the Dog Blog – That was him who inserted an animated little ad into my layout code, I’m still trying to figure out how to take it down. He doesn’t update much and I don’t like his smug little attitude either, he’s all hung up on his pedigree and whatnot. Whatever, he’s still cute. Just don’t forget who feeds and hosts your content, squirt.
If these aren’t amusing enough, I could begin listing all the folks I no longer read, but that wouldn’t make much sense would it?
It’s a nice day outside. I’m going for a run before I hit the gym, just cuz treadmills opress me. Then again, the free weights do to. Can’t I just go in there and wear my iPod armstrap thing and just look sweaty? I’m gonna work on this and get back to ya’ll with an update. Happy Monday.
So Hip It Hurts
July 26th, 2004“Thank you so much, by the way, for my yellow bracelet! I love it.”
“You’re so welcome. They’re for a good cause.”
“You know, I’m suddenly seeing EVERYONE wearing them these days. How did you manage to get ahead of this trend so fast?”
“I got cancer.”
“Ahhhh. Right.”
Big Willie Style
July 25th, 2004I had a weird dream last night that I found a dog out someplace downtown while I was running from druglords. No clue what brought this on, cuz I’m not really one to play with random alleyway animals or frollic with crackheads, but you never know what dreams are about. Anyway, he (the dog) was hurt and scared and I spent the whole day with him training him and loving on him, and suddenly it was late at night and I realized that i hadn’t gone into work. I’d spent the whole day with this dog on the run from badguys or something, and neglected to call out of work, leaving my poor coworker Ben all alone to handle swarms of eurotrash and underacheivers trying to get themselves onto the guest list for Cielo. I just felt AWFUL, crippled with guilt about it and no longer even thinking about my life being in danger. WHAT THE HELL? Do I really place that much importance on work? That can’t be good, even subliminally implied. Anyway, I woke up from my dream feeling way too well-rested and sure enough, I’d overslept and was supposed to have been @ work 45 minutes ago. “Shit!” I screamed, throwing on my clothes and racing through the apartment. SQUISH! — right into a fresh little pile sitting in my hallway. I cursed the day I ever brought a puppy into my home, flew out the building, and hailed the nearest gypsy cab to work. Suprise suprise, Ben was there @ the desk all alone when I rushed in. A thousand apologies and a guilt-ridden “breakfast on me” later, I was able to regain some focus. Weird way to start my day, though.
The Polyphonic Spree are playing Irving Plaza a month from today. $22 tickets! I’m there, man. The last time I went to a show @ Irving Plaza, I saw Eve 6. It was supposed to be a date, and the fickle bitch never even showed, totally stood me up. I ended up calling my buddy Art and wearing my sexy jeans for nothing. Hopefully this show will be a better experience. Anybody wanna go get poly-brainwashed with me? You bring the black Adidas tracksuit, I’ll bring the poison kool-aid!
I saw I, Robot the other day. I’m a sucker for these sci-fi futuristic action flicks — hell, The Fifth Element is in constant rotation up in here. No, really, I’ve put that movie on loop and just spent the afternoon cleaning or sorting laundry or just doing whatever in my apartment while it plays. It’s just one of THOSE movies for me. Anyway, I, Robot wasn’t too bad, the plot was a little forced but the city just looked so damn cool. Everybody’s clothes were hot, it made me wanna go out and buy converse and a new leather jacket. The naked Will Smith shower scene was especially mighty mighty and enlightening, cuz dammit, I had no idea. I just had no idea, folks. This is a story all about how my life got flipturned upside down and I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there, and i’ll tell you about the bulge on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. DAMN. Sorry, that was a cheap line, but I meant it fully out of respect for Big Willie. Good for you, Jada. Ride that pony, bitch.
Swing When Your Winning
July 24th, 2004So I got invited to a “swinger’s party” by one of the obscenely beautiful guys I work with, Yes, you read that right, a swinger’s party. Like this is 1977 or something. When Clark (cuz of the striking resemblance he and his body bear to Tom Welling) told me about it, it took me a second to make sure I heard him correctly… well mostly b/c he didn’t exactly say `swingers’, he just made the little gesture with his hand back and forth, like a swinging door. “It’s a bi party?” I asked, confused. He winked, “Or something along those blurry lines, yeah.” Suddenly, the whole thing started to make a little bit of sense. Heh, some backstory for you…
A few months ago, in a desperate attempt to get out of my head, I went out with a bunch of the kids from work (Clark and his fiancee were in attendance). This was rare for me b/c I don’t like mixing my worlds like that, but I was hoping to just get outta my head for a few hours and since drugs and alcohaulism have never been appealing options, I figured a night out in a club would be the next best thing. We all spent most of the evening @ Patio in the east village and eventually wound up @ the Leopard Lounge for the rest of the night, just dancing and partying. I ended up getting all sweaty and saucy with the fiancee on the dancefloor and I’m not sure if she was just a really good dancer, or if this was my weakness for ethnic little brown girls kicking back in, but she was turning me on like I couldn’t believe and I was getting mighty tempted to do something naughty. Then, out of nowhere, Clark presses up from behind me all kinds of turned on and suddenly I’m in the middle of some kinky swingers sandwich. The lips, the curves, the biceps, the heavy breathing, the girl, the boy, and me all up in the writhing menagerie — it was something out of a Franz Fernidand song. Just a really random, really sexy moment on the dancefloor with this fiesty girl and her curious boy. Got me outta my head for sure.
The party is tomorrow night, Clark seems pretty into the idea. The twist: no fiancee coming along. This just opens a whole NEW sordid spin, makes it all dirrty… my presence is discreetly requested and I wonder if maybe it’s about time for my arrival. Am I gonna go? Hmm…. 
Wouldn’t you just love to know?
This ain’t no red shoe diary, man!
Who Let the Dog Out?
July 23rd, 2004
I have the cutest little dog in Manhattan. True, I’ve had to remove all of my Urban Outfitter rugs b/c he was a little too eager to make himself at home, but he’s still adorable and pretty well-behaved and makes traffic stop anytime I take him out… okay, I rarely take him out but still. He probably would stop traffic. Anyway, it was just a matter of time before he started his own blog and I gotta say, I’m just proud as hell. You’re nobody in this city if you don’t have your own url. Mo’s a smug little bastard and I’ll be damned if he starts getting more traffic than me, but bookmark that link and go read his shit. And walk him for me? Thanks.