Tubthumping

Hey, there’s pictures from my birthday party in the new issue of NEXT (shout out to my pal Gregory T. Angelo, who got himself a grownfolks job and is the head editor up in there now). There’s a fun shot of me, J, and my favorite badly behaving girl Melissa smiling away like fools. My party was a blast by the way, and one of these days I’ll post pictures. I still can’t believe how many people showed up, it’s like I have friends or something. Viscaya, the lounge that hosted us, shut down like a week later to become something else. I resigned from my job that same week… to become something else too, in a way. Shit, unemployment makes you see symbolism in anything. No really, it’s just stupid. I went to a sneak preview of Batman Begins the other night, and when Alfred tells Bruce Wayne “Why do we fall, Master Wayne? So we can pick ourselves back up”, my ass overidentified and just took it all way too personally. Play that old Chumbawumba song and I’ll about lose my shit. Wouldn’t it be cool if I just bounced back harder and better than ever? Yeah, still waiting on that.

So, on the precarious job front, I think I’m sticking with hotels… for now, at least while I figure out what I really want. I seem to really fit into this industry and I love being a Concierge, it’s fun being paid (well) to find out what’s cool and exciting and then tell people about it. It’s not what I’ll do forever, but that’s sorta up in the air anyway. People say this is a good time for me to take some time off and think about what i really wanna do with my life, and ya gotta love that idealistic approach. If I had $10,000 happily sitting in my checking out, I’d totally be sleeping in, sipping Mojitos, and writing short stories all day while I contemplate my purpose. Unfortunately, bills keep coming and I gotta figure out a way to make them get paid. I hate sounding negative, I’m not trying to be… I’m just sorta in this mucky transitional place.

I have been a busyass boy, though. No sitting around pouting up in here, I’ve been too busy interviewing my ass off. Turned DOWN a job, actually, @ a new hotel called the Alex. They liked me a lot but they wanted me for Front Desk and I’m not about to start stepping backwards, regardless of where I am. I’ve paid my dues in that field and have enough stories already, I’m holding out for better shit. I actually interviewed there the Monday after I quit, and I wanted SO BAD for it to seamlessly turn around and be exactly what i was looking for… it just wasn’t. They tipped me off to the much trendier FLATOTEL, who I remembered from being impressed with when the Top Models stayed there — they’re looking for Concierge and also really liked me. That’s on the backburner right now, and thanks to good contacts, I’ve been checking out a lot of other cool places. I’ve been making alot of headway, we’ll see what pans out.

By the way, I got some big big love to the readers out there who’ve been sending supportive emails and encouragement. It’s funny how “I think you did the right thing” from a total stranger still makes me feel good. I was behind my decision to resign 100%, but unfortunately, it was the only thing I was sure of. Still have no clue what comes next.

I came here to be an actor and I sure as hell did it, I did good. Then I needed more money and fell sidways into hotels… and got good @ it, too. Somewhere along the way I transitioned out of acting, it stopped being important; I proved what I suppose I uknowinlgy wanted to prove to myself and I started to find other things that made me happy. It’s strange, I always felt like I had an edge on my peers, a leg up b/c I knew what I wanted to be. Suddenly I’m not working and acting isn’t in my heart to do anymore and now, for the first time, I’m living in New York with no clue what I want to do with my life. All the time that I frowned down upon the kids who stayed back home and settled into safe and simple lives, maybe all I wanted was the same thing: happiness and success and relationships and security. Maybe in the end, I’ve just wanted a simple life too — just set in New York. Or maybe I actually am meant for more than those foolass Texans settled for and just sitting in a momentary rut. I’m so tired of thinking about this stuff anyway.

Got a big interview @ a top hotel tomorrow. I don’t wanna jinx anything so I’ll tell you which one it is some other time, but it’s the Motherload, dudes. It’s got all the style, edge, and energy of Hudson — only with structure and organization. They need another fulltime Concierge and I’m working every single contact I have. Wish me luck, I want this one!

Checked Out

June 3rd, 2005

Resigned today. My choice, not theirs. They offered alternatives (not real ones, but still) and wanted me to stay, but I’m opting for a clean slate and a fresh start. Finally a week of eggshells needles and pins comes to an end. Now for my famous disappearing/reappearing trick that I seem to be so good at.

This is life, man. I’m growing up and out of what I knew. I watched myself come a long way in that company, both personally and professionally. I made a lot of friends and gained experience that I’ll take with me everywhere. From being terrified and excited to being fucking sick of it and sometimes in love with it, I ran the full gamut and I’m proud of my time there. Kinda reminds me of that James Fenton poem I used to see on the Poetry In Motion ads on the subway when I first moved here. I’ll be okay, I think. I’ve survived lots more than this. I got through all of last year and I’m still here. Runteldat.

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