I got a shitload of curious emails (THANK YOU), so this post is just an update for ya’ll till I get a chance to talk more.

I fucking LOVE my new job. FUCKING. LOVE. IT. I’ve been training all week and will keep doing it through next week, observing, taking everything in, meddling here and there, and just finding the rythym this place operates on. Soon I’ll be the evening Concierge running the desk solo, which doesn’t scare me but just makes me wanna be on point. Learning the local area is gonna be my real focus the next 2 weekends during my days off, I need to know Gramercy/Flatiron back and forth. But I just love it so far, it’s an absolutely phenomenal company and it seems like everyone truly has fun doing their jobs. They have all this fun terminology that cracks me up — housekeepers are “stylists”, managers are “talent coaches”, general staff are referred to as “cast members”. When I showed up to work this afternoon, there was a HUGE Employee Appreciation party in the lounge. I’m talking mexican food w/desserts, fully loaded giftbags, group trust games (Pin the Tail on the W), lottery ticket giveaways, free DVD’s laying around (I snagged The Day After Tomorrow and There’s Something MORE About Mary), and everyone was just smiling and talking and introducing me around, so happy to have me onboard. This is how I started my day and they do this every month! just to keep morale up! They really know what they’re doing there, I feel so lucky to have weasled my way in. More on this later, I gotta go watch this new LOGO shit that launched tonight and then get to bed. I’m a working man now, you know.

Ok, just a few more thoughts to leave with you before I go:
Tom Cruise, you need to tone things down. Matt Lauer shoulda kicked your ass for that shit. Also, stop trying to kill Oprah.
Oprah, Hermes is just a fucking store. I spend a lotta dollars @ TARGET but when they shut their doors and won’t let me in afterhours, I accept it and I know it’s not b/c I’m Mexican. You need to let this go and think about how you’re gonna battle Evil Tom Cruise when he tries to take over the world.
Slavco? Call me. Fuck Jerry Hall, you can be my kept man, and I can be your hero, baby.

Last year today I found out I had cancer. This year, it was a much better day.

Start the new job tomorrow. Well, same kind of job but new hotel. Nervous anxious intimidated excited wondering if they’ll regret this or think I’m not the fit they’re looking for. It’s a better company with a more exclusive staff (who are better paid and benefited, btw), serving a higher level of clientel. Not a faux-glam, shoddy-run circus of a property like my old place (still miss it a little), meaning that level of stellar work I delivered there? will now only be just barely good enough to pass for standard @ this new place. My entire game has to be stepped up. Am I really up for this? We’ll see tomorrow morning. My friend Jess is performing in a cabaret @ Don’t Tell Mama’s tomorrow night and I’m going with my boyfriend, so my entire morning and afternoon @ the new job will just be fluff I must endure till I get to the show; this is how I have to think about it, or the pressure will just suffocate me.

Yes, I really am this insecure when it comes to new things. And I’m even shutting off the Comments Feature on this entry just so no one thinks I’m fishing for peptalk or compliments (but feel free to email them to me)!

It’s Gay Pride weekend in New York, time for all the homo’s (and the half-homo’s) who haven’t disappeared in a K hole yet to put on fitted muscle shirts and celebrate the turning point that got us further along in society… doesn’t hurt that the pride march down 5th ave is a great way to break in new Steve Madden sandals and get in some good cardio before sweating the night off @ the Pier later. Truth is I don’t really get all caught up into the hype over Pride weekend, I guess I’d be so much more into the big gay day if more of us didn’t have to infuse the celebration with drugs and circuit parties — some of my own friends included, ya’ll. On a day that’s supposed to be about a community coming together in support and acceptance, I find there’s a lot more division, disregard, and drugs in the background. Makes me wish Pride weekend would end already so that everyone goes back to embracing their shame on Monday.

That was a joke… kind of. Is my bah-humbug annoying enough? I’m sort of busy pouting over here b/c t’s a little bit of a disheartening weekend, to be honest. There’s an Old Trick in town (his) who manages to emobody all of the stereotypes I can’t stand and blatantly refuses to acknowledge the New Boyfriend (me), it’s all just putting me in a really shitty mood. Secure and confidant as I am, I know all too well the vibe that exfuckbuddies like to operate on, floating in and thinking they can ressurect the past anytime they want. Not so fast, old & forgotten. Take your tank tops, your drugs, your freeloading swagger, and go the fuck back to L.A. Old tricks die fast on my watch.

There’s a part of the community who remembers that today is all about honoring what happened @ Stonewall 35 years ago. A part of the community that looks @ this weekend as an opportunity to be proud of who we are, who will proudly show those public indifferent displays of gay affection ABOVE 23rd street any day of the week, who will be proud and unashamed even after the glamour of Pride Weekend fades. This is who I celebrate with.

Happy Pride, winners. Be safe and smart with yourselves today, and if you can, be an exception.

Just as I was beginning to reach for the phone and make tearful (unemployedass) distress calls to friends, family, and local suicide hotlines? my cell rang. They loved me. I’m hired! WOOHOO! So, don’t be looking for me THERE anymore, winners. Look for me THERE instead. I’m the new addition to their prestigious Concierge staff! Damn straight. Thank you JESUS, cuz week 3 of unemployment wasn’t looking good on me anymore. Don’t know how the hell I lassoed it, considering their exclusivity and rank (ok ok, I networked like a mofo), but this opportunity is mine now and I’m gonna work my ass off. Hudson Hotel wha?

my badass dance

Now I want all you gappers and finger snappers, you toe tappers and you love rappers — say oops upside your head say oops upside your head! Pay attention now. I’m back to the party, ya’ll, and I’m so excited I could vomit. YEAH!

Hey, there’s pictures from my birthday party in the new issue of NEXT (shout out to my pal Gregory T. Angelo, who got himself a grownfolks job and is the head editor up in there now). There’s a fun shot of me, J, and my favorite badly behaving girl Melissa smiling away like fools. My party was a blast by the way, and one of these days I’ll post pictures. I still can’t believe how many people showed up, it’s like I have friends or something. Viscaya, the lounge that hosted us, shut down like a week later to become something else. I resigned from my job that same week… to become something else too, in a way. Shit, unemployment makes you see symbolism in anything. No really, it’s just stupid. I went to a sneak preview of Batman Begins the other night, and when Alfred tells Bruce Wayne “Why do we fall, Master Wayne? So we can pick ourselves back up”, my ass overidentified and just took it all way too personally. Play that old Chumbawumba song and I’ll about lose my shit. Wouldn’t it be cool if I just bounced back harder and better than ever? Yeah, still waiting on that.

So, on the precarious job front, I think I’m sticking with hotels… for now, at least while I figure out what I really want. I seem to really fit into this industry and I love being a Concierge, it’s fun being paid (well) to find out what’s cool and exciting and then tell people about it. It’s not what I’ll do forever, but that’s sorta up in the air anyway. People say this is a good time for me to take some time off and think about what i really wanna do with my life, and ya gotta love that idealistic approach. If I had $10,000 happily sitting in my checking out, I’d totally be sleeping in, sipping Mojitos, and writing short stories all day while I contemplate my purpose. Unfortunately, bills keep coming and I gotta figure out a way to make them get paid. I hate sounding negative, I’m not trying to be… I’m just sorta in this mucky transitional place.

I have been a busyass boy, though. No sitting around pouting up in here, I’ve been too busy interviewing my ass off. Turned DOWN a job, actually, @ a new hotel called the Alex. They liked me a lot but they wanted me for Front Desk and I’m not about to start stepping backwards, regardless of where I am. I’ve paid my dues in that field and have enough stories already, I’m holding out for better shit. I actually interviewed there the Monday after I quit, and I wanted SO BAD for it to seamlessly turn around and be exactly what i was looking for… it just wasn’t. They tipped me off to the much trendier FLATOTEL, who I remembered from being impressed with when the Top Models stayed there — they’re looking for Concierge and also really liked me. That’s on the backburner right now, and thanks to good contacts, I’ve been checking out a lot of other cool places. I’ve been making alot of headway, we’ll see what pans out.

By the way, I got some big big love to the readers out there who’ve been sending supportive emails and encouragement. It’s funny how “I think you did the right thing” from a total stranger still makes me feel good. I was behind my decision to resign 100%, but unfortunately, it was the only thing I was sure of. Still have no clue what comes next.

I came here to be an actor and I sure as hell did it, I did good. Then I needed more money and fell sidways into hotels… and got good @ it, too. Somewhere along the way I transitioned out of acting, it stopped being important; I proved what I suppose I uknowinlgy wanted to prove to myself and I started to find other things that made me happy. It’s strange, I always felt like I had an edge on my peers, a leg up b/c I knew what I wanted to be. Suddenly I’m not working and acting isn’t in my heart to do anymore and now, for the first time, I’m living in New York with no clue what I want to do with my life. All the time that I frowned down upon the kids who stayed back home and settled into safe and simple lives, maybe all I wanted was the same thing: happiness and success and relationships and security. Maybe in the end, I’ve just wanted a simple life too — just set in New York. Or maybe I actually am meant for more than those foolass Texans settled for and just sitting in a momentary rut. I’m so tired of thinking about this stuff anyway.

Got a big interview @ a top hotel tomorrow. I don’t wanna jinx anything so I’ll tell you which one it is some other time, but it’s the Motherload, dudes. It’s got all the style, edge, and energy of Hudson — only with structure and organization. They need another fulltime Concierge and I’m working every single contact I have. Wish me luck, I want this one!

Resigned today. My choice, not theirs. They offered alternatives (not real ones, but still) and wanted me to stay, but I’m opting for a clean slate and a fresh start. Finally a week of eggshells needles and pins comes to an end. Now for my famous disappearing/reappearing trick that I seem to be so good at.

This is life, man. I’m growing up and out of what I knew. I watched myself come a long way in that company, both personally and professionally. I made a lot of friends and gained experience that I’ll take with me everywhere. From being terrified and excited to being fucking sick of it and sometimes in love with it, I ran the full gamut and I’m proud of my time there. Kinda reminds me of that James Fenton poem I used to see on the Poetry In Motion ads on the subway when I first moved here. I’ll be okay, I think. I’ve survived lots more than this. I got through all of last year and I’m still here. Runteldat.