Still around, here and there. Just busy lately taking things in (not like that, ho’s. Well, ok…) Got some stuff sloshing around in my mind lately. Life’s just been looking a little different through my new (real) brown peepers — which everyone, btw, keeps telling me they love, like maybe they’ve secretly hated my blue eyes this whole time — I guess I’m trying to figure out where I want things to be. It’s a start.

I can see you but you can’t see me.

So one of my good friends (who resents how much he looks Matthew Broderick back when he was kinda cute in Ferris Bueller… and who I don’t see much of anymore) recently got a boyfriend. It’s a full-on relationship at this point, I guess, so boyfriend is a mild way to put it. I met him about 3yrs ago and there was this struggling little flirtation between the 2 of us for a short while, a few kisses (one on a dancefloor, one against a bathroom wall), and then we just transitioned happily into the Friend Zone. Now, I’ve never know Ferris to be much of a dater — he’s more one of those people who just don’t see the point unless it’s somebody they’re interested in devleoping something with. A bit of an idealist, but apparently it’s paid off b/c he’s got a man now and I can’t imagine he’d be with somebody he’s not crazy about. I’ve met them out a few times over the last few months and they’re just adorable, sitting pretty in that couple period where they both glow and their energies pop and it makes you just kinda hate them for being so happy and lucky. They’r both hotties, too — kind of have a cutesy mixed Will & Vince mesh — Ferris with his freshscrubbed pretty features and his boyfriend has got this dark Italian thing going, with the NY accent and the lips and the voice and even my white-washed libido can see how sexy he is. Why am I so stuck on how cute they are? Well, Ferris and I were talking today on AIM and when I asked him about his relationship, he sorta began building up to asking me a question. He said he’d been thinking about something, they both have, since they ran into me a time or two ago. They talked about it and wanted to know if I’d consider…

Videotaping them.

I’ll just admit it. My heart sank and sighed when he asked me. Partly b/c I was thinking he was about to make an indecent propsal and my recently re-energized ego was just so flattered at the idea that they’d want to bring me into the bedroom for some sweaty menagerie adventures. So when I came back to reality and realized he was just wanting me to get in there good and hit all those angles WITH A CAMERA and not my dick, I sorta fell down a few pegs on the dissappointment ladder. Then a second later, I was relieved. Getting involved in a couples sex life is such a slippery ball of fun, so easy for somebody to end up getting angry, left out, or badly hurt (and it’s usually one of the boyfriends)… the fact that it’s a close friend would only complicate it. You run the risk of being resented for whatever weirdness might follow. I’ve been the 3rd party boytoy a time or two (or three) before it’s always shaky ground to stand on (much less fuck on). Plus, these guys are just under my own age, they haven’t been together that long and I don’t suspect that they’ve had the relationship experience you’d need to be able to be okay with this kind of thing. By no means am I done with frisky sexcapades, maybe I’ll foray into making a guest appearance again one day, but this has got bad idea written all over it. That said, being invited into the bedroom to behold two beautiful boys having sex right in front of me, and NOT getting invited to join? Where the hell’s the fun in that shit? It’s like being the stupid water boy @ the big game. Bring us refreshments and clean up after us, but don’t you dare fucking step onto this field. I know I’m not much of an actor anymore but shit man, I never said I wanted to go BEHIND the camera. I told Ferris I’d think about it. I’m the only person he’s asked and I’m partly touched that he’s asked me to do this. We’re friends and he trusts me… might be all the more reason to say no.

Wow. Two dirty sex entries in a row. It’s like I’m Fleshbot. What the hell is this journal coming to?

A sexy blond lad, fit as a fiddle, crept out of my apartment last night @ an ungodly hour. Grinning, speechless, depleted, and smelling like sex & candy, the talented swiss mofo had come over on a mission to misbehave and I couldn’t have been more pleased to aid him in his quest. Turns out the ultimate way to bust out of the limbo zone I’ve been lost in was to take on furniture-destroying sex with a smoldering stranger. BAM. I’m pretty damn sure he got all of what he was looking for but I got a strong feeling he’ll be coming back to cover more ground…. maybe on the 22nd of lonliness when the boyfriend’s outta town. What? Hell yeah. This is New York City, winners, and there are a million sordid tales to be told.

The sun is flooding through the streets of Manhattan today, my energy is pusling, I’m wide awake, and I can’t tell you how much I needed that jolt to my senses. Somehow, I’d started to forget that I’m a 26yr old Total Pakage with charm and voodoo to burn. A ho? no that don’t make me, see what i want slip slide to it swiftly. Shit, I’m overlapping lyrics. Whatever, you know what I mean.

In an evil karmic backlash, I got summoned for some jury duty thing the other day (final notice) and had to haul my ass to the ubergothic Financial District. I rarely go below Canal Street most of the time so I had no clue where I was going anymore. I had to take a fucking J train to get to Town Hall — I didn’t even know we HAD a J train on the island, figured it was one of those God-forsaken Brooklyn lines — and found myself stepping off the train into one of the coolest, creepiest subway stations I’ve ever seen.

Chambers Street

I didn’t think subway stations like this were even around anymore. So trashed and eroded, reminds me of the New York City I remember from the movie Fame. Guess Guliani forgot to clean this one up. I kinda like it.

I ended up getting out of having to serve the jury thing, so I figured that as long as I was all the way downtown, I might as well take a stroll. Ended up walking around for 2hrs absolutely caught up in how beautiful lower Manhattan is. For once I didn’t act like a New Yorker. Took my headphones out of my ears and just walked around like a tourist, gawking and taking pictures of everything.

November 2, 2005

It was a great day. I need to get out more.

Meet the Backdorm Boys, the internet’s newest spin on the Backstreet Boys (ala the Frat Divas). Only funnier and Chinese. These boys got really bored one day and started goofing off with a webcam and BAM, now they’re BLOWING UP in interviews and magazines and talk shows — I just saw their lipsynching asses on Ellen the other day. All you need to be famous these days is bandwith and some free time, I swear.

These boys CRACK me up. My day has been made. I actually really love that little “Radio In My Head” song they’re playing with, it’s almost catchy enough to top my love for “Yatta!” by Happatai (remember that whole craze?). Look at those bug-eyed grinning mugs. The spiky hair. The perpetually trendy gear. The full-on talent for riffing on popculture AND GETTING A FANBASE FOR IT. All further proof that I, dear winners, was born to be a Japanese Pop Star.

RENT

Keep seeing the ads all over town. Those familiar faces staring at me, being tortured and edgy and SO fucking New York that I can’t stand not being one of them, too. Can’t stop singing the libretto (I get teary eyed everytime the commercial airs and those first few chords to “Seasons of Love” play). 10 years later but it’s like college all over again.

I’m not sure how I feel about Rosario Dawson playing Mimi. That part belongs to Daphne Rubin-Vega. But I think Rosario knows that a legion of RentHeads are READY to hate her, so she’s probably gonna rock it really good. I already gave into the love for that other new girl playing Joanne. After reading her blog entry about the big journey towards FINALLY getting cast in the role, I’m actually just happy for her and excited to see what she does. Also, it’s a testimant to Taye Diggs’ star power that he’s got his OWN poster and is making it into the trailer clips — cuz Benny is a really small part, if you think about it. I actually found myself identifying with Benny the last time I saw the show… that’s when I KNOW I’m growing up. I used to be all, “Yeah, guys! FUCK corporate America! Damn the man! Benny sold out!” and now I’m kinda like, “Hmmm… ok so he’s kinda uncool but Benny really just wants to secure a good thing for himself and his friends. Fuck man, what’s so cool about being poor and unemployed anyway? Go ahead, Benny, and get that real estate thing going. Hustle your shit, I feel you.” Oh, and Adam Pascal almost turns me off with that hair… I want the prettyboy spikyhaired muscular sexgod Roger from onstage! What’s this shaggy rat nest thing he’s rocking? But yknow, he’s fucking Adam Pascal, the first and best guy to play that role and he owns it, so he can do whatever the fuck he wants. They all can.

Look at this, I’m talking about these people like they’re real. I’ve formed firm opinions about them. Whatever. November 25th. I can’t wait.

UPDATED: 525,600 tears streaming down my face. I sobbed like a holiday drunk. I sat in my chair listening to the songs I’ve been loving for the last 10 years, watching them played out the way I’d imagined them to look in the movie of my life — ugh, I just got so emotional. I didn’t LOVE it, have always thought the story was a little uneven. But damn, it was good. This was a movie for the fans. Also, Rosario Dawson kicked my ass. Hats off, bitch. Oh and Mark and Roger? totally boyfriends.