So if you haven’t noticed yet, this here website, like me, is going through some ch-ch-ch-changes. It’s the end of SpriteboyWorld as we know it (and I feel fine), I won’t be renewing the domain. This journal, see? isn’t really the same silly project I started 4yrs ago, with all the deliberately upbeat entries and gimmicky rants & raves; it’s become something different, at least to me. I’m growing up a bit, ugh, becoming a man or something (God, my heart stopped just typing that), and the sprite BOY thing doesn’t so much fit me anymore. We’ll be LittleBigChris.com from now on. Do you love the double entendre? Me neither. Bookmark that shit, dudes, and stick around cuz this transition of mine into manhood is bound to be a hilarious spectacle.

The devil made me watch the Colin Farrell sex tape the other day and I gotta say that I’m dissappointed… on several levels. Has anyone else seen it? Ok, what was all the hype over editing out his nude scene in that movie a few years back? All that talk about how his size was “so distracting” and had to be removed to retain the integrity of the film. I downloaded this video hoping to see Colin in a whole new (freakishly well-endowed) light, and pretty much just saw a naked very Irish guy, which leads me to worry that maybe you can’t believe all the wonderful things you read. Also, he wasn’t nearly as agressive as I would have hoped. Call me boring but I want my Colin Farrell to be uncaged and slutty and kind of disgusting when he’s making a sex tape. I thought there’d be strobe lights and body paint and possibly a midget involved — like, he’d be smacking her in the face with it and calling her a filthy slag and then just start nailing her to the wall… but then pass out drunk. Maybe that’s just me projecting. Seriously though, what was with all the affection and tenderness? He kept telling her how beautiful she was and how great she felt and blahblahblah, it was like when Dawson finally had sex with Joey Potter. The only resolve the video brought me to was pretty much destroying any chances of ever being able to watch Colin in a movie w/o picturing him in the throws of completely bridled soft-core passion. I actually watched “Alexander” on Showtime last night and kept expecting him to break scene, grab a slavegirl, and start fucking her on a sofa — nay, making sweet mediocre love. Jared Leto sure was beautiful though, that bitch could be prettier than my mom.

The L Word is back on and I can’t stress how much I’ve missed these lesbos in my life. It’s damn scary what a fucking wreck Alice is over Dana — the bitch is straightup psychotic in her depression, chasing her down the freeways and crying in her sleep, wanting to know why they’re not together anymore. What the fuck, last time we saw them they were so happy and now they’re broken up and Dana’s already moved on DEEP into a serious and healthy relationship. And little Alice is a mess. I kind of love it that she’s so distraught b/c this is the part of break-ups nobody talks about: one person is left heartbroken and shaken to the core, and the other sometimes moves on so fucking fast that it makes your head spin…. and they rarely look back at the person they hurt. I’ve been both of those people before. Oh, I also really like the addition of that new lezzie on the show, the really mannish one that looks like Vincent Gallo. Finally there’s a girl on this show who’s not stereotypically L.A, a power lesbian, or even really that pretty. You see her and you automatically think: Indigo Girl. That’s the simple reality sometimes, I like when TV admits stuff like that.

So I’m going crazy with YouTube.com right now. Why did I never realize it was there before? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Anything you want to see is up on there. Did you ever want to see the hugeass “Defying Gravity” number from WICKED that everyone talks about? Click this shit (wanna see the flashy version?). I sat at my computer in actual tears. Did you totally miss that SNL where Maya Rudolph does Donatella Versace and gets into a bitch fight with Mick Jagger? Click this shit. This shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-yeah and it’s changing my life…. unlike that Pasta Express ripoff which did NOT change my life or make it any easier like it’s supposed to. I waited a month for it to arrive in the mail — my ass was actually EXCITED at the idea of making pasta in minutes w/o having to monitor water temperature or watch for the sticky noodle factor. I was straightup fantastizing about pasta block parties, just me and my bowls of pre-made spagehtti skipping through the streets of NoWa, handing out meals to the homeless and ugly people. No luck, this shit doesn’t work and I’m getting a fucking REFUND.

In a lovely twist on my new year, I been kicking it lately on the date tip with a new guy we’ll be calling P. He is not to be confused with that “P”, by the way, with whom I was/am/will always be down (I’m totally a friend of P). It’s actually very new, way too damn new for me to even be mentioning it on here but I’ve been awful smiley for the past few weeks and getting to know him is partially why. He’s a yummie but not at all what I expected. I keep finding myself out on these incredible dates with him — movies, shows, dinners & DVDs, my place, his place, kissing @ on street corners and rooftops, this kid is on fire — and I haven’t really been this charmed by anyone in awhile. Kinda nice being a little stuck on somebody, feeling that lure and getting actually lost in kissing someone you wanna learn everything about. Skyrockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite. Yeah, you get the idea. Let’s not get crazy, you can never tell with these things but suddenly there’s something happening here and it feels really good.

Starwood, the company I work for, put me in some video ad they’re launching to promote their W hotels. They dressed me up and sat me down and had me camera-talk about what it’s like working here, why it’s fun, how we’re different, etc. I gave realass answers and not any corporate babble, which they seemed to like. Anyway, I think they’re gonna be playing this on airline TV’s so the next time you’re on JetBlue, if my face happens to pop up on your little monitor? just shut the damn thing off and pray for my soul. Thanks.

Oh and Vincent Gallo, by the way? is a selling his sperm online for $50,000 and offering a discount to any blond, blue-eyed women who can prove “a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century”. And apparently, for $500K he’ll even deposit the sperm naturally, but only if you’re hot. A part of the ad even states “Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration.” Payment installments can be made via Paypal. No, seriously. Pray for his soul too.

Till I get the energy to update for real, I’m stealing this from Kyle.

Four jobs you’ve had in your life:
- retail
- grooming
- arts
- hospitality

Four movies you could watch over and over:
- The 5th Element
- Clockwatchers
- Down With Love
- Empire Records

Four places you’ve lived:
- NYC
- Houston, TX
- New Rochelle, NY
- in peril

Four TV shows you love to watch:
- The L Word
- RW/RR Challenge
- Dark Angel
- Daria

Four places you’ve been on vacation:
- New Mexico
- New Orleans
- Los Angelos
- London/Paris

Four websites you visit daily:
- www.gothamist.com
- www.digitalcity.com
- www.towleroad.com
- www.televisionwithoutpity.com

Four of your favorite foods:
- spaghetti & meatsauce
- chorizo con huevos
- roast beef
- chicken fried steak

Four places you’d rather be:
- Chartes Street, French Quarter New Orleans
- 100 w81st @ Columbus Ave
- Tokyo, Japan
- Crystal Beach, Galveston Island TX

Four albums you can’t live without:
- What’s The Story Morning Glory? Oasis. I still don’t know what the hell a wonderwall is, but I’m happy someone sang about it.
- Automatic for the People R.E.M. Everybody huuuuuuuuurts. Nightswimming deserves a quiet night, y’all.
- Romeo + Juliet 1996 Movie Soundtrack. Desree’s “Kissing You” makes me weep like I’m watching Oprah.
- Play moby — shut up. This shit was good, no matter how played out.

Four magazines you read:
- PAPER
- Time Out NY
- Details
- Entertainment Weekly

Four cars you’ve owned:
N/A: I crashed my Chrysler when I was 17 and my parents decided it would be best to never let me behind the wheel again. New York’s subways are the only cars I’ve come close to owning. I had sex on the F train once, so I feel like I kind of own that one.

Four people to do this meme:
- Shan
- Jodi
- Kia
- Brad

Realass update on the way. And DAMN do I have some stuff to talk about.

So I read Queerty. Ugh. Ok, not a read I’m addicted to but I’ve always liked Bradford’s style and the Jossip guy who publishes it has read/commented on my blog for a long time. And even tho it looks like a free AOL homepage it’s a fun pit stop, like the web equivalent to watching an episode of Laguna Beach. Plus, it’s very cool when blogs get legit bigass attention like they have. One of the cute things they feature every morning which I LOVE is a series of yummy shots of some random hot guy in various stages of undress, usually a no-name/big-name model/actor: they call it Morning Goods (hee). One morning some time ago I was perusing their content and of course PAGED DOWN to catch the boy of the day (I’ll leave his name outta this post). Turned out, he looked REALLY familiar for some reason, kind of like a really buff, really pouty Simon Rex — no no wait, the Anvil of Irony has yet to drop — but I wasn’t sure why I knew him. I read through the rest of the day’s entries on their blog and then went back the guy. I stared really hard at his body (I’m very good at this) and it took me about 2 seconds to connect the dots and realize where I’d seen him before: there. Yes I totally know that site and have it bookmarked, suck it. About a year ago I remember them doing did a bunch of dirty! gay! homosexual! sessions with this sexy guy who I was especially wowed by — same guy on the Queerty page! Of course he was using a different name but it was definitely the same guy, you just couldn’t confuse his… face. Anyway, I shot a gossipy little email about it to Bradford, who posted it on the site later that day, and it was all lame and gay and amusing for about 2 seconds.

Well, last week I open my spriteboy email and there’s one particular mail sitting in my inbox. The senders name is what popped out at me — it was the Morning Wood model. That porn guy… he emailed me. And he was pissed. The pornstar was pissed at me. He basically wanted to tell me that he didn’t appreciate me outing him on the Internet (um, he did gay webporn) and that he’s doing everything he can to keep it under wraps (the gay webporn) and that I need to be more sensitive with the things I write about people online. His family fortunately hadn’t found out about it yet and he was working hard in school now and pursuing high-fashion modeling and to have people shinging spotlights on this big thing already hanging over his head didn’t make it easier to put it past him. It was a very well-written email, clearly a personal one (seemed more like damage control) and for a few days I actually started to feel bad, like I’d done something karmically awful. I thought about all that time in the gym he’d probably spent, all the money he’d probably shelled out on flights to New York to land an agency contract, all the sacrifices he might have made to get a real shot in the modeling business, how maybe het got a little too eager to get a jump on the biz and agreed to something that got naughtier than he expect and how I might have played up something potentially damaging to his career/life. How DARE I put that in jeopardy with some flippant comment on a flashy blog? Suddenly the web seemed like an evil evil thing in my life and I started to consider shooting my computer. Then I realized what BULLSHIT that idea was and cancelled my karma evaluation.

Seems to me, when you sign on to do porn — and a series of videos at that — you can’t really play victim or get stank on people for connecting the dots afterward. I mean, a regrettable one night stand is one thing but porn is FOREVER, not really the kind of low-key thing you can play down. I think the best you can do is either wear it with pride while you pursue more exposure (like those guys) or, if its something you regret, you just accept that it’s there, own it fully (like those guys) and try not to let it hold you back. Then again, I’ve never done anything sexual on film, nothing officially released anyway, so it’s easy for me to talk this talk. But still, the Reclusive Model had a point and was writing to me from an honest place and I didn’t want to be an asshole. I how it feels when something you do has spun out of control; it goes beyond a matter of ownership, you just want to lasso it somehow and pull things back into frame so you don’t lose your mind. I shot the kid an email and assuring him my comment was glib and meant in a total non-scandalous way, explained my view on his situation, and congratulated/wished him well on his new pursuits. To my surprise he wrote back, thanking me for hearing him out (I’m sure he gets blasted to death by some folks out there; pun semi-intended) and telling me he really likes my blog. He’s on my buddylist now. Shit, we’re best friends now and having brunch this weekend. Ok not really but he’s a very nice guy and a realass covermodel @ that. Seriously, he’s blowing up.

And there we have it. Pornstars, poseurs, models, agents, travelers, losers, frenemies, freaks, geeks, clockwatchers and just one more random person that this blog has brought into my life. Did you totally read this entry waiting for me to put his name on shout? I know, I was about to do it, too. But doing so? would probably strip my social privileges in Hell; I’ll have to sit alone in a room w/o a DSL line (read: no Queerty) while all my friends hangout together drinking mojitos and watching Popular on DVD. Or worse yet, they’d send me to Heaven to make crafts for all eternity with a bunch of humorless virgins who like Amy Grant. I don’t really deserve that, I really don’t.

I tend to cringe when I go to a blog/webzine that I love and it takes actual effort to maneuver past a slide show of banner ads and animated DONATION logos just to get to the content. I want to read about somebody’s juicy life, not get tips on great holiday deals @ Marshall’s. Is this a webjournal or a webcommercial? Bloggers are making money, getting TV guest spots, and hustling ways to spin this dorky hobby of ours into an actual profession or some weird version of minor-celebrity: it’s like the level you go BENEATH reality TV stardom. But shit, imagine my delight when one of the Marketing Heads of a new Off-Broadway comedy about Hollywood closet cases contacted me through this site; apparently her coworkers turned her onto my blog and she thought I could help promote the show word of web, what with my “abilities as a leading gay cultural enthusiast”. Flattery gets you everywhere with me, I fucking love it. Imagine my ego stroked. Now imagine the abandoning of my principles when she offered free tickets to a sneak preview of the show in exchange for my shoutout.

Let my descension from the high horse begin. Ahem.

The Little Dog Laughed: Gossip, Boy-toys, Sex and Gay Hollywood.
WARNING: CONTAINS ADULT THEMES AND NUDITY. (yum)

Just going off the write-up they sent me, the show sounds really funny. Plus, it was written by Douglas Carter Beane, the author of the critically acclaimed As Bees in Honey Drown (which will live on in Drama School showcases for all eternity) and screenwriter of To Wong Foo… (Noxeema Jackson is my babymama), so I don’t doubt this’ll be great. It’s a relatively impressive lineup of actors for an Off-Broadway show — one of the stars in it is Johnny Galecki, who’s rocked the shit as David on Roseanne. I swear I STILL makes me feel awkward and embarrassed for David when I watch the reruns; you just want David to get a decent haircut and STOP being so pathetic. The same things my mom wants for me.

I get free tickets to Broadway shows every week through work but this is the first time I’ve gotten invited simply b/c of my blog. So while hypocrisy is on the rise, let’s embrace pretension too: I’m going out on a limb off the Stupidity Tree and extending my +1 to a reader of my blog — my most dedicated one, i.e. whoever writes me the best FAN LETTER. Yup. A virtual blowjob contest in email format, send in your love and whoever loves me best gets to be my date to the show and buy me dinner. This is how we’re doing to do it, cuz this is how bored I am @ work today.

Me, a buddy, and about 500 other shiny happy people laughing partied up together @ Wish 26 in the Flatiron district last night to close out 2005 in the right away. What a party indeed: open bar, VIP treatment (it’s good to work in the industry), and the music was great — I love when DJ’s aren’t afraid to play things NOT that popular anymore. When I heard “Poison” by Bell Biv Devoe blasting from the walls, I knew we were in good hands. The clock struck 12:00AM and I rang in the new year just as deliciously as I did last year. Also kissed a hot boy. Oh, and a hot girl. Figured I’d cover all my bases this year.

New Years Eve 2005

I only stayed @ the party for awhile, just long enough to have a great time and be glad I braved the snowy rain, got dressed up, and left my apartment. I plan to spend less time @ home this year, a lot less time waiting for things in general. The worst thing I can imagine is spending ANY time this year thinking about how 2005 was better, so I plan to keep myself occupied and pursue new things that will make me happy. I just need to find out what those things are, which is another goal. Basically, the plan is to not get bored in 2006.

By the way, the results of that blog contest are in and WHAM — I lost. Lost HARD, too. How cool is it that I didn’t even place? Nothing like failure to start 2006 off right proper. You can still read my interview with Best Gay Blogs. I love that my mindless chatter is followed by a review they did on a serious journalist who wrote so movingly about being gay bashed this year… and then you see my foolass prattling on about the sex I wish was having with Chad Michael Murray. It all just makes my irrelevancy resoundingly clear, kind of like after I see a Dakota Fanning movie. The bitch is 11yrs old and bares her fucking soul so diabolically that it makes me weep and contemplate a candle-lit evening in the bathtub with a razorblade — just so I can make more room in this world for all of her pain. Maybe this will be the year I get out from under her control. This could even be the year I find a new passion. Or maybe, just maybe, this will be the year I begin mopping behind my fridge. I know it sounds crazy but it’s a brand new year, winners, and we can’t rule anything out.

I’m excited.

Hey, I made a wish @ midnight. A real one. I’ll let you know in a year if it came true.