iDo
May 26th, 2006 / No comments
from Cyberrodent, via iDon’t.com
Everybody in Leather
May 25th, 2006 / No commentsOddly enough, this is exactly how I feel about porn.
I actually auditioned for this ad back in the day. Didn’t get the job, they said I didn’t meet the height requirement or have enough cool points. I realize now that my entire life has been an unwatched audition to be one of these cool pretty kids with their perfect poses, leather jackets, and I’m-fucking-bored expressions. Yeah, still waiting to book that job.
Zombies, I swear. They’re SINGING to America yet are paralyzed from the hair down. I love it.
Seeing Stars
May 21st, 2006 / 2 comments »My 27th birthday (in Provincetown) was refreshing and wonderful, thanks to my inspired boyfriend who was determined to get me out of the city. It was our first trip away together, which can sometimes result in coming back single, but the entire trip was lovely from beginning to end. He took me to the dunes late @ night while the moon was pink, the waves were strong, and actual lighthouses were glowing around us. We stood around kissing, wrapped in a blanket under the stars on the edge of New England and it was beautiful — for about 30 seconds until I realized that as hard as I try I’m just not captivated by nature, especially dark windy chilly places with unstable ground near bodies of water (I just saw Poseidon, ok?). So we layed in the car with the top down and I let him try to show me the big dipper (in the sky), which I couldn’t fucking see cuz all stars look the same to me, and then WHOOOSH — a star fell. A shooting star and we both saw it. And right there I knew that I just couldn’t have asked for a better birthday gift. Or a better boyfriend.
Watch this clip and look at what I’m thrilled to be attached to.
More Provincetown pictures to come! Pobably not more videos though cuz well, some shit is sacred… and incriminating.
A Very Special “Blossom”
May 20th, 2006 / 1 comment »I got myself some flowers today. After a dissappointing IKEA trip (rented a car and everything) earlier this week, I swallowed my pride (yes, I do have some) and wandered into Urban Outfitters on the way home. Turns out, they were having this huge sale on their housewares and I got these interesting prints on canvas for like, $20 each. I think they’re kind of cute, and my apartment could use a little bit of bloom in the rooms. I love the green one.
I got some other flowers today. Belated birthday ones from Jeff.
Aside from one email on New Years, Jeff and I haven’t talked since we broke up last summer. We’ve now been apart longer than we were together, and that’s always a funny thing to realize when you’re looking back on your time with somebody. I called him to say thanks. Email would have been easier, an easier way to skip the awkwardness of speaking with somebody who’s seen you nekked and heard you say “I love you” and last made you cry, but as Carrie Bradshaw would emote, that wouldn’t quite honor the whole history of the relationship. Part of me hoped for voicemail but I was happy when he answered, our chat was short and sweet and left me smiling softly. My mind hardly drifts back to those places anymore, to where he was such a part of my world, but when it does I find myself wishing good things and better places for us both. And I feel lucky to be breathing and smiling again b/c of someone new.
Love,
Blossom
Ugh, right? Shit man I’m an oldass 27yr old now and this is just what happens — waxing poetic — when you’re this close to 30. Wow, just felt a chill run up my spine typing that. Yknow how everyone usually asks how you’re birthday went, and you say good? then they ask how old you are and you say 27…? They usually/are supposed to say, “Oh god you’re such a baby, talk to me when you’re pushing 40.” Yeah, nobody says that to me. Every goddamn person I’ve talked to about turning 27 ruins my day and says, “Whoa, 30′s right around the corner!” It’s like they all got together while I was sleeping and decided to fuck with my peace. Dicks.
At least I’ll have plenty of pretty flowers around to make my descent into the void smell a little sweeter.
Pre Veinte Siete
May 14th, 2006 / 2 comments »It’s Mother’s Day. My little mom isn’t one for candy and chocolates so I tracked down her favorite Made-for-TV movie from the 70′s, My Sweet Charlie, where Patty Duke plays a white trash teen on the run cuz she’s pregnant and well, white trash. She squats @ this abandoned lighthouse in Texas where a black man on the run from the local sheriff, the two of them hate each other but need each other and it’s all really INTENSE. I never saw it but my mom just loved the movie and always looked for it @ video stores, and anytime we vacationed in Galveston she’s always wanna go see the lighthouse where they filmed it. I found it on eBay last week and had it shipped home, I know my mom’s ass will be parked on the sofa tonight sobbing @ her TV and saying how much she loves Charlie and Patty Duke and lighthouses and me for bringing them all together. She’s adorable.
So I’m turning 27 tomorrow. It’s crazy to think about. I still remember turning 24 and feeling like I was at this landmark age in my life… but my life is a lot like it was 3yrs ago. I’m not sure if that means I’m lucky and found the good things early on or if I have yet to find them and have just been treading water all this time. So many ppl in my life are making the transition — getting better jobs, getting degrees, getting married, getting homes — I feel like an ex-actor (my last audition was 3yrs ago) who isn’t really sure about what his next steps are. The ex-actor thing doesn’t actually bother me, I’m proud of that part of my life b/c it went really well and i worked really hard at it. But that actor isn’t me anymore, it hasn’t been for a long time now. I actually ran into a girl on the street today who recognized me from a short film we did together 5yrs ago, it was such a blast from the past. Really put my head into places I haven’t been inside of in forever.
What am I working towards? What am I looking for? Maybe for some sort of reminder that I’m still special, remarkeable the way I was when I first got here and got to know myself… that even behind the Concierge desk of a hotel I still shine. The things I grew up wanting aren’t the things in my heart anymore, and I’m sort of beginning to look at what else I want. It’s a strange journey. The rest of my life is good, makes me smile, and James Blunt keeps telling me I’m beautiful so I know it’s all good; I guess when it all comes down I just can’t believe I’m a day away from no longer being able to joke that I’m “in my early late 20′s”. I can’t believe it’s May.
I decided not to have another big party this year. I’m also not gonna spend it in an introspective vortex. My boyfriend is actually taking me away for a few days. Tomorrow morning I’ll get up early and meet him outside my building, where he’ll pull up in a rented car (a stack of freshly burned mixed CD’s will be sitting on the dashboard, I’m sure) and drive me off Cape Cod for a few days. I’m never anxious to leave Manhattan but this will be a good trip for me I think. We’re staying there in Provincetown (I refuse to call it P-Town) and I’m kinda looking forward to seeing having breakfasts with that funky mix of queens, leathermen, trannies, and dykes on bikes. Happy birthday to me.