This Has Been A Test

My lameass PSA

I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon at my oncologists office, doing my annual (should be bi-annual) full checkup with Dr. F. I do what I can go get it all knocked out in one day if possible. Bloodwork, vaccines, TB/HIV/STD tests (ADD? OCD? LMNOP?), xrays, and of course check on my cancer levels. While I was standing around waiting for the machines to warm up, I had a very surreal moment to myself. It’s been 3yrs since I got the big C (news I got literally hours before seeing the boy who first broke my heart) and these big, scary machines have been a ubiquitous part of my life since then. It’s amazing to me that here are these machines sitting there containing giant clusters of wires and circuits and bits that can keep me safe and ahead of the risk. Just a weird moment where it once again became very real. Dr. F was, again, very happy to see me. I don’t think I have to do those other tests this time — the ones where I have to drink that nasty milky gunk and then get injecteed with the dye — which I’m glad about, it all really depends on how my blood levels look. Should be getting results back later this week. Dr. F looked at my chart history today and mentioned that after 3yrs of clean bloodwork, I’m more or less “home free”. I’ll probably continue the checkups for the rest of my life though, and I fell 100% OK with that.

Though I never forget that I’m a cancer survivor, I sometimes forget the seriousness of what I went through in the summer of 04. It’s good when I have grown-up days like this one, always gives me some perspective. Suddenly the little things that don’t matter actually are little things that don’t matter and I’m just grateful and happy to be right where I am. Also I apparently start invoking the introspective wistfulness of Angela Chase. Shoot me.