No Cocktails
June 14th, 2008 / 1 comment »I’m back on The Master Cleanse. It’s NO FUN. Today was day 1 and it came at a horrible time b/c I went to Carrie’s bday party at Angels & Kings where they have CHEAPASS Skinny Black Bitches and I couldn’t drink shit. Just had to sit there with my $2 Target-bought 32oz jug of juice. It sucked, no cocktails for me. But it was nice to see everyone. Carrie had these adorable red polkadot shoes on and her hair was pretty, she looked really sexy on her bday. Patrick’s even skinner. Jessica just got back from Reno. Mike was drunk and bitter, and that’s why I love him.
Everyone got new tattoos recently. I still can’t commit to having ANYTHING on my skin forever. I’m not sure if that’s saying something good or not. I sometimes like to think about what I’d get and I usually end up going straight for a small graphic, like I don’t know… a searhorse or something. I love seahorses, they’re so weird — like, did you know male seahorses are the ones who give birth? So cool. Then again, I really like the idea of those word/phrase tattoos. Carrie got the phrase “Awake and Unafraid”. That’s cute.
I took two $30 cab rides tonight, one to the party and one home. That’s INSANE for me but I just didn’t have the paitence to deal with the subway. Meg called me on the ride back uptown, we discussed the Sex&theCity movie at length. She said the movie made her miss NYC and think of me.
Arby’s
June 13th, 2008 / No commentsThere used to be an Arby’s downtown on 6th ave and w3rd. It was the only one in Manhattan. Fresh off the plains of Texas, and usually stricken with poverty as most kids are when they first move to the city, I took regular trips and would often indulge in their 5 for $5 deal — 5 roast beef sandwiches for $5. When they shut it down years and years ago, a small peice of me died and I only got to experience the Big Montana on the rare occassion I left New York.
Today I made a huge discovery: Arby’s has returned! I don’t know why it never occured to me to check the Store Locator on the official website, but I did it this morning during a slow moment at work and BEHOLD — there’s one in food court at Queens Mall! REJOICE! REJOICE! I took the R out to Queens afterwork and made a beeling for the mall. I was so happy, it was almost spiritual — hell, it was a damn near trantric experience. I could feel the wind flying past me as I ran, arms outstretched and tears of joy streaming down my face, towards the big neon FOOD COURT sign. When I got there I saw they were having a combo deal and I just got STUPID. Did you know $11 buys you a JUMBO roast beef combo with large curly fries and a drink, and FOUR junior roast beef sandwiches? Just an FYI.
The happiness continued to swell. I wandered through the mall (think that counts as cardio?) and found the EXACT pair of Yoshi shoes I’ve been wanting in brown. Now I’ve got them in black, white, and cognac. I love ALDO. Cute shoes are important, and I never seem to find what I’m looking for, so this is exciting.
I called Nick from the food court to share my excitement and it totally got trumped by his own big news. Looks likely that he’ll be climbing up out of Front Desk Pee-On status to the fabulous ranks of High Class Servant (i.e. Concierge) at his hotel, which is very cool and might even mean we start working the same type of schedule. Will be pretty cool if we both wind up doing the same kind of work, it’ll make bitching about our days so much more fun.
Happy day. Earlier at work all the computers, phones, and elevators stopped working for awhile. I wonder if if had anything to do with it being Friday the 13th.
Faggot
June 12th, 2008 / 2 comments »
So a lot of gay folks are upset this week b/c of that video of Shia Lebouf going around the web where he’s drunk with his friends and tossing “faggot” around. And I’m one of them — one of the upset gays, that is. Well, a faggot too… but not the kind implied.
It’s not so much that he said the word Faggot. I actually don’t get so riled up over that mess, cuz it’s just a WORD and it only has the power that I give it. I’m not on the Word Police, trying to get it removed from the public vernacular. In fact, embracing derogatory words like Queer and NancyBoy and Faggot almost makes them ironic and powerless. Almost. What I DON’T like about what Shia says in the video is that he means it as an insult. He’s antagonizing his friend by calling him a weak pussy, and of course, Faggot gets tossed in there too b/c to Shia, faggots/gays aren’t real men. This is what I have the problem with.
My boy J @ work, who happens to be a big swishy queen from Queens, was saying that he doesn’t think it’s a big deal b/c it clearly wasn’t said in a hateful way, or said to a gay man as an insult. For J, this would be crossing the line — for a straight man to call a gay man a faggot. But I don’t agree. It IS a big deal, not b/c I’m offended by the word itself but b/c I’m offended by the intent behind it. And the implication that calling someone a Faggot is a put-down b/c being a Faggot is a bad thing that a real man should be embarassed about. This is what’s not cool about it and what an apology doesn’t change. We see this attitude too often in young straight guys. They wanna be cool and hip and seen as open-minded, but when it all comes down — is this really what they think?
Shia, let me say that I get it: you were young and showing off, getting rowdy with friends. I’ve said some FUCKED UP shit too in the inner circle and if somebody had filmed it and leaked it, I’d probably look and sound the way you do in your video. And I also will give you some slack b/c in truth, I don’t believe you were being mailcious or hateful. But I hope you know better now.
Also? I’d be careful about pissing off your gay fanbase, cuz once you piss them off you lose them for good (see: Tom Cruise). And I’m sorry, kiddo, but with that nose of yours you’re gonna need all the support you can get.
Cold Rinse Season
June 9th, 2008 / No commentsSlept in late, woke up around 11:30am and had cereal with Nick. It’s like an oven in the city, so we put in the air conditioner last night and I think it’s gonna stay on full blast all summer. Still have another unit sitting in the hallway closet but I wanna hold out as long as we can before putting that one out too. I’ve just been taking LOTS of quick cold rinse showers throughout the day.
We took naps, had lunch, and then went to see “Made of Honor”. I’d already seen it when it came out but had been wanting to see it again. Not a big McDreamy fan (I actually think the girl in the movie is really sexy) but I am powerless against rom-com’s set in Manhattan with Top 40 music playing in the background. Yes, they get together in the end.
After the movie we got Pinkberry (I always get the medium sized Original with strawberries, pineapple, and fruity pebbles) and sat at the Columbus Circle fountains. I got really Mexican and went barefoot in the water for a bit. Later we walked up to 72nd and took the 1 uptown, I went to Target for cutoff tees to wear around the house, and Nick went shopping for dinner. We had steak chunks and potatoes and watched Sex & the City on DVD. He’s only seen a few episodes. I forgot how bad season 1 was. Poor Miranda, always eating and wearing bad clothes.
Working at 10am tomorrow, a 9hr day. My schedule changes from now on: no more 4day weeks and no more Sundays off. Sigh.
I looked over at Nick sitting next to me in the theater today. He had his feet tucked up onto the seat with him, looked about 6yrs old staring up at the screen in his bright red shoes. He’s pretty damn adorable.
Back to the Heights
June 8th, 2008 / No commentsI spent $135 on cabs in the last 24 hours and it brought me a good amount of fascinating (unasked for) conversation. I learned a lot about the ppl driving me.
ANTHONY: Hilarious. Strong accent, only listens to Bob Marley and only watches The View. Is lactose intolerant and says if he drinks milk he’ll get gas so powerful it scares him. Loves celebrity gossip. Is pro-gay marriage. Hates J.Lo and said he’d like to throw her in the backseat of his cab, roll up all the windows, drink some milk and kill her with one of his farts. Had lots of questions about life in NYC. Hustled hard to get a big tip.
LAUREL: 47yrs old, two kids, works with “Muslim assholes” who don’t like when she wears shorts. Thinks ppl get married too young. Starting her last year of nighttime nursing school. She’s in a long-distance phone relationship with a man she met once 2 months ago, they talk every night and she looks fwd to it all day. A hot ragged mess, spoke like Blair’s cousin Jeri on Facts of Life. Possibly had vodka in her coffee cup.
GINA: Lost 170lbs 3yrs ago from gastric bypass but misses food. Still buys fat lady clothes out of habit. Stuck in a new marriage she regrets and is afraid to leave. Hates coffee. Misses her mother. Loves being a cabbie b/c she gets to listen to other people and they listen to her.
So many people out there feel aimless. It’s staggering.
I’ve gotta learn how to drive,
Alone in Albany
June 7th, 2008 / No commentsPlump & Juicy
June 7th, 2008 / 1 comment »How do I start? I mean, for real.
Is there a smart/cute way of explaining why I forsook this sturdy standby blog (2002 – present) for the flash-in-the-pan fun of video entries only? Videos that, as I understand based on emails I’ve gotten from a staggering amount of readers, most of you aren’t able to view due to firewalls at work or slowass connections at home… or maybe just due to flatout refusal to give into the YouTube hype. Hey, I get it. I’m a bit annoyed at me too. But let’s not pretend that I’ve ever been anything more than an attention-seeker when it all comes down in the end, so who’s really suprised that I eventually moved on to making my e-platform one I could literally be seen from? Vlogs just seemed like the easiest way to come off as clever and entertaining, immediate impressions made based solely on the cute shirt I’m wearing or how good of a hair day I’m having… you know, as opposed to actually having to THINK about the WORDS I’m sharing and the EFFORT of dropping them into sentances. Honestly, I guess I just didn’t feel like writing. But all good things things comes to those who wait, unless you’re Hillary Clinton, and so my guilt has brought me back to this blog. In word form. There WILL be video entries frequently, just cuz it’s become a fun project for me, but I’ll try and be better at seasoning these here pages with plump and juicy written entires from time to time. OK, “plump” and “juicy” totally make me think of vile things like arm moles on old ladies. Damn. Sorry.
I vow to write more.
So I’m in love. His name is Jordan Catalano. He’s was left back, twice. If you just read that and caught the My So-Called Life shoutout then you rock. Stay close to me. But no, really — I am indeed one half of those people who get to wake up and roll over and hold onto the person they’re in love with. And it’s not my dog! His name is Nick. He’s smart and loving and beautiful, and I can’t believe my life with him is really my life. Get comfortable while I paint the picture.
As so much of my world got rocked early in 2007 by the great crash & burn with Pedro (wish him all the best, btw), I found myself in need of a Life. I realized I’d been so deep into the Boyfriend Vortex that I just didn’t know what to do to be normal, so I reconnected with friends, I got in better shape, I took day trips and had little adventures, I bought myself a Mac with a built-in webcam, I got hobbies… and one of those hobbies was YouTube. When YouTube first popped up I fell in love with it, but I only saw it as this giant web library of video clips where you could watch opening credits of 80′s TV sitcoms or maybe upload music videos. Then I found this entire nation of people on there making video journal entries and putting them online for people to see, and I became fascinated. It was like witnessing Evolution, or de-Evolution depending on how you look at the rise/fall from novels to columns to blogging to podcasting and so on. I just started watching, subscribing to different folks who had nothing and everything to say — they talked about their lives, their jobs, their relationships, their favorite things. One of those people I found was a guy named Nickas Arbata.
I was charmed by him right away. Blond and stunning (think VonTrapp), young (WAY TOO YOUNG) and insightful and bored out of his mind in Iowa where he’d just moved after leaving a cheating ex behind in Spain, Nick became my webcrush. So since I’d been making my own videos for a few months too, and since I pretty much had nothing to lose, I made him a flirty video introducing myself. He surprisingly enough thought it was funny and cute, or that I was funny and cute, and made a video back. When started chatting online and talking on the phone a lot, and I started a series of playful videos to get him to come to New York on a date. At this point a LOT of people were watching our video exchanges on YouTube and had lots to say about us meeting, which was trippy and fun and not really much other than fringe, like the parsely you push off to the side of your plate so you can just enjoy the steak (or is that just me?). When Nick bought a plane ticket, I couldn’t believe it. Was he insane? I had no clue what was gonna happen, I mean we’d been hitting it off with a whole lotta state lines between us, but in person things don’t always click. Plus, I had no real idea if things would be awkward or romantic or flingy or friendsy. But they were amazing. He was way MORE than I was expecting in all the best ways and I knew by the end of his quick trip that there was something important happening. We pretty much ran with it, there were trips back and forth and love-type feelings stirring. It happened quickly and everything felt right, and perhaps b/c of my past relationships all going sour due to what was missing, all the things I was finding with Nick were things NEW to me. 3 major relationships I’d been in and I never wanted any of the same things they wanted — simplified: Randy wanted adventure and travel, Jeff wanted long-term partnership, Pedro wanted to live together. I couldn’t meet them where they wanted. But with Nick, I found myself longing for all these things and I found very soon that he was and is everything I never knew I always wanted.
We live together now here in the city. He’s my best friend. I love him completely and am amazed everyday at how we found each other. My life with him makes my heart swell with joy, and if that ain’t some cliched happylovestruck shit then I don’t know what is. Chew on that fatty mess.
Summer 2007 brought me Big Love but also Unemployment. I was settled in good at a huge hotel brand, pretty much golden. But nothing gold can stay (The Outsiders: read it) and I left. I became a rancher on Brokeass Mountain for a scary two months before i took a job I ended up leaving promptly due to, uh, issues. Yeah I know I’m being really vague here but shit, with the power of Google at any Employers fingertips, ALL KINDS of information can get pulled up these days and I don’t much need Sally from Human Resources finding my blog and knowing if I like coffee or tea or if I’m a top or bottom or what went down at my last job. Know what I mean? But Sally if you’re reading, I left on the best of terms and have only good things to say about those fools. And I like Iced Tea. And shame on you for being curious about the other thing.
I’m happy and life is rich. I find myself a little thicker in girth than I’d like, but that’s nothing that a better diet and/or laxative can’t fix. I LOVE working where I am now, it’s a perfect fit for me and I have the full trust and confidence of The Suits. Had big heart to heart recently with my folks about their gay son and his love life (not his Lifestyle). Enjoying my 10th year in NYC and being just one year away from 30. Yup, just loving it. Excuse me while I just let the tremors run their course, the vomiting and cold sweats will subside — just gimme a minute. Nah, it’s cool. As long as I can keep track and remember something major that happened each year I’ve been here then I’m ok.
1998. I got here. My world opened up.
1999. Apartment fire, couch-surfed for 3 months. First real girlfriend. Lost my virginity. Worked retail.
2000. Graduated. Turned 21. Got my first acting job doing The Outsiders National tour.
2001. Got that MTV pilot, shot 12 indies and did 2 plays. Second real girlfriend. Had sex on a regular basis. 9/11 happened.
2002. Started my blog. Got a job in hotels and health insurance at last. Went gay.
2003. No more roommates. Made a LOT of new friends this year. Met Randy, my first boyfriend. Spent the whole year happy and smiling.
2004. Got dumped. Turned 25. Got cancer. Promotion. Met Jeff and recovered from everything.
2005. Trip to London/Paris. Got a better job. Got dumped.
2006. Met Pedro and got lost in him.
2007. Got dumped. Got over it. Repainted my apartment. Found Nick/life changed. Started a new job.
Of course there was more, most of it is all on this blog, but you get the gist. How’s that for plump and juicy? Let it never be said again that I’ve lost my touch (and yes, it was said by some). I’m back.