Jamie Foxx: Why do you show up to premieres with your shirt half-open, like your a Miami giggolo?  You were in “Ray” and “Dreamgirls” and they both rocked.  You were also in “Booty Call” and were Ugly Wanda on In Living Color.  Let’s keep things in perspective.

Teri Hatcher:  If I see you getting misty eyed in an interview one more time, I swear.  I remember your post-Superman/pre-Housewives gigs: Radio Shack commercials, wasn’t it?  It’s great that your so grateful to be working again but god, bitch, pull it back a little.  Also, why is your skin gray and sallow all the time? 

Jonah Hill:  Look, I liked you at first.  You were awesome on Campus Ladies and I loved you in Accepted, underdogs always rock.  Then I saw you in Knocked Up, I read interviews with you, and I heard you on various DVD commentaries.  What’s with the cocky attitude, fat kid?  And all the gay jokes?  Part of your big appeal is seeing the Fat Guy make good in Hollywood and it’s cool that you are getting cast in non-Fat Guy roles… but um, you’re not Justin Long or Ashton Kutcher any of the Hot Prettyboy Actors you hang out with in Hollywood.  Enough with the jock humor, you’re way more interesting and likeable as the Underdog.

Paula Abdul: Newsflash: American Idol is not your vehicle.  It’s a reality competition and you’re a prop.  Your banter with Simon is funny but it’s not what make the show.  The network could quickly replace you with somebody capable of showing up to work sober and maybe even run a comb through her hair too.  Everything you own in a box to the left: we could have another You in a minute.  Act like you know.  Where is your sense of pride, bitch?  

Cuba Gooding Jr:  I thought your Oscar acceptance speech was adorable and charming.  But that was 100yrs ago and you’re no longer adorable and charming.  Or really working much, it seems.  You were the guy with the Abs and the Ass but Jerry Maguire was 12yrs ago.  What gives?  Why are you still famous?  

Jeremy Piven:  When you won that Emmy for Entourage I actually cringed b/c I knew what would soon follow.  You’ve been acting like an A Lister for years, taking potshots at other celebrities, mugging it up on red carpets when you know you ain’t been on a hit TV show since Ellen.  Still, you act like George Clooney, making with the smug and being an overall dick.  Now you have the Emmy to back it all up and I just hate you for it.

Everyone on The Hills:  If this is supposed to be a reality show about these kids, then why isn’t it acknowledged that they’ve become MTV stars?  Why do we not ever see a single paparazzi following them in the background?  Why do we not see them walk by a newstand that’s got a copy of US WEEKLY with them on the cover?  I don’t get it. 

Cameron Diaz:  Ooh look at me, I’m gorgeous and I don’t take it that seriously!  I’m blonde and thin and can get cast as a bombshell anytime I feel like it, but I burp and fart in interviews — isn’t that GOOFY?!

Bob Saget:  I caught an old Full House rerun the other day and don’t think i didn’t notice what you were doing in the last season… you were delivering every single line in a dry, droll, I’m-being-so-witty tone.  Quite a departure from the cheery dad you’d been playing for a decade, probably cuz you were just sick of yourself at that point.  I was sick of you too.  And listen, I can understand that you regret what you did in the past — playing the lamest person on TV and then telling all those bad jokes you did on America’s Funniest Home Videos; shit I’d be full of self-hate too.  But please, please stop trying so hard to be so DIRTY at every chance you get.  You’re not Danny Tanner in real life, we get it, ok? 

I’d add Sherry Shephard to the list but I refuse to acknowledge her as a bonafide celebrity.  A moron who wanders onto an ABC soundstage and lucks into a contract is NOT a celebrity, she’s just some bitch who got lucky.  Ooh, that was a little mean even for me.

So the weekend with Steve turned out to be pretty nice.  I think he had a nice time but it was hard to tell b/c he was so quiet, very hard to read — and I can only imagine that it’s gotta be strange/trippy for him to show up in a city he doesn’t know to crash with 2 guys he only really knows from YouTube.  He was certainly a hit with the boys, turning heads everywhere we took him.  It’s always so interesting, you know.  i certainly don’t consider myself to be one of “the beautiful people” (maybe I circled the outer orbit in my slimmer 20’s), not the kind that folks stop and stare at anyway, but a few of my friends are.  You see them walk into rooms or bars or subway cars and jaws drop, dicks get hard, everyone stares and mentally undresses them… and you wonder, “When does this start?  Do they grow up with this ability to strike crowds mute?  Does it develop over time?  Do they realize the effect that have on people?”  Watching little Steve in action — or en pause, really — is sort of interesting b/c I think he’s one of those people who might grow into full-on heartbreaker, or maybe stay one of those adorable nerds who go undiscovered until somebody smart sees what’s really there.  Fortunately for me, my boyfriend sees me as one of those beautiful people and tackled me as quick as he could.  Blind as a bat and clearly out of his mind, but I sure love him.

I met up with Mike for dinner @ Garage yesterday evening, which was wonderful.  I had the steak frites and like, 3 mojito martinis.  It was so much fun spending time with Mike, we never do see much of each other.  We got good and drunk and then went to go see some off-off-bway show his friend Luke was in, a comedy Princess Bride-y story with lots of slapstick and full frontal nudity.  It was fun.  Afterward we metup with Nick and Steve @ Therapy and caught Mimi Imfurst (who I mistook all night for Lady Bunny) and Eve Starr’s drag show Psycho Babble.  They were hilarious.  You don’t often see the queens working as a duet, they tend to be — as many performers are — very territorial with their spotlight, but the two of them were great.  

The “Reading Rainbow” shoutout was my favorite, and who in the hell can resist cheering on anybody willing to get onstage and rock out to “River Deep, Mountain High”?   Points off for using the Celine cover, though.  Left Therapy and went down to The Ritz, which I still just can’t enjoy.  Feels like the space is laid out weird or something.   

We took Steve to brunch this morning @ New Wave Cafe, strolled through the UWS, and dropped him off at his bus stop.  It’s always nice to have company visit, and in other ways it’s also nice when they’re gone and you have the house back to yourself.  It also really clears your head sometimes, having an outsider come into your world.  I felt like I was looking at my life through somebody else’s eyes for a few days, and it’s really great to be reminded of what we have.  We’re healthy and happy, we have an apartment we’re making into our home, we have good friends and families we’re close to, we have jobs that keep us comfy in this city, and we have so much fun together.  I really love my life with Nick.

Oh, my catscan xrays came back.  I’m clean as a whistle!  W’hoo!

I keep meaning to watch that show The Middleman.  I heard it’s really funny, and hello — Matt Keesler (who will always be Johnny Savage to me).  I’m so offtrack with my shows lately.  I haven’t watched any of Secret Life or Eureka either but I know I’m gonna love it.   How weird is it that ABC Family is slowly becoming one of my favorite channels.  Any network that happily reruns Gilmore Girls twice a day every day is worth my time.

So, Nick’s buddy Steve arrives from Boston today.  Nick’s meeting him @ the train station and they’re pretty much gonna have an all-day date… brunch @ Garage, playing around the city, and going to see Fuerzabruta tonight… all things I love to do and have done with Nick.  I”m bitter cuz I’m stuck @ work all day till 8pm, also maybe bitter cuz I don’t love the idea of my boy running around town with another cutie doing fun things I’d rather be doing.  Then again, it’s very cute to see Nick all excited about taking somebody around and showing off Manhattan to them, they way I did with him.  He’s become so plugged into the city, it’s awesome to see.  Sometimes I still can’t believe he came here to be with me, having no prior interest in visiting NYC or even living in America.

We spent the last couple days cleaning the apartment, it’s nice now.  The kitchen looks so good, all shiny and new and freshly painted.  A bit more Moraccan than I’d envisioned but it’s very warm.  Painting the trim and windowsil white made everything look better.   Next up is the living room and it’s gonna be a bitch to pull together, all the molding is chipping and chunky and the walls need to be spackled and sanded.  Just a LOT to do.  But it’s nice working on this together, feels like we’re making a home instead of Chris’ Dorm.

Working with the new trainee today, I can already tell it’s gonna be DEAD slow. 

Nick and Steve are meeting me afterwork for dinner @ Kittichai.  I already know what I’ll be inhaling: the chocolate BBQ ribs with Thai spices, pineapple fried frice,  and the mixed berry mojito.  Yes, there’ll be MANY mojitos tonight.  I may get Nick all drunked up, take him home, and have my wild angry way with him — the kind of sex you enforce when the whole week at work has pissed you off and you need to fuck the frustration away.  I’m thinking gymnastic sex — and VERY LOUD — which I know would be tacky with a houseguest in the next room but hey, maybe that boy could benefit from the amplified reminder that my little Swedish dreamboy is indeed spoken for.  As you can tell, I have slight issues about our little visitor coming…  he’s a seemingly nice guy and I’m sure we’ll all get along, but he’s simply too goodlooking for me to feel eager about leaving alone with my boyfriend.  I tried peeing on Nick this morning, just to mark my territory, but he wasn’t having it.

I downloaded a bunch of Chris Brown yesterday.  I like him.

UPDATE: Steve’s harmless and sweet.  And 21.  I spent all week getting worked up over a 21yr old.  Dinner was good though.

Presto chango!  Like the new layout?  It’s all new, everything — even the guts.  My webtechie Shan gave littebigchris.com a major overhaul, turned this Moveable Type mess inside out; we’re all about WordPress up in here now.

So I watched a straight-to-video movie tonight, The Suburban Girl, some Sarah Michelle Gellar thing with Alec Baldwin.  Basically a Shopgirl ripoff but set in NYC.  As much as she flops I just can’t bring myself to hate Buffy.  Not sure if it was her sluttyass antics in Cruel Intentions that won me over way back in the day (”My advise is to sleep with as many people as possible.”) or that naughty dance she did against Xander’s crotch @ the Bronze, but I just like her.  She’s like that girl in highschool who showed up one day with an AMAZING haircut and then just let it grow out and never looked pretty again.  I want her to do better.  Movie had a good soundtrack tho.

Lazy day off today.  Nick and I dragged about 90lbs of combined laundry to the Domincan ladies across the street (don’t feel bad for them, they love it and overcharge us happily).  The heft of my wardrobe is staggering, I actually got rid of a shitload of stuff back when Nick moved in.  When I moved into my apartment 8yrs ago, everything i owned was transportes in 2 laundry bags and a suitcase.  Look how far we’ve come.  I need to overhaul my closet, just accept the fact that I will never again wear a size 28 waist and throw out all those old pants I’m clinging to with sad eyes and determined hands.  It’s a bitter pill to swallow, and unfortunately one too many spoonfulls of sugar is what got me in this mess to begin with.