"Abandon" Friday, October 18, 2002

I metup with M&J tonight.  I actually crashed the TWoP "Buffy" dinner that they attened tonight, which seemed like it was a lot of fun.  These "Buffy" people are a little intimidating, they really know their shit.  It's like being around my dad and his Trekkie friends.  All very sweet girls though (yes, ALL girls).  The girl I sat next to was GORGEOUS, she looked like a younger, less-wrinkled and non-weather-beaten Sheryl Crow.

Anyway, I stole my friends away and we went to see Abandon.  This movie was the worst peice of shit I have ever seen in my life --- and that really says a lot, since I did not think it was possible to find a movie worse than the Christina Ricci shitstorm that was Pumpkin (remember that one, where she was all blonde and busty and in love with a retard?).  This movie was actually worse, a little peice of me died after seeing this shit.  People were actually getting up and walking out of the theater.  Katie Holmes?  Somebody explain this girl to me.  I won't even start pretending like I don't watch "Dawson's Creek" every Wednesday night cuz, bitches, you know I do.  Katie Holmes is really sexy and not altogether untalented, why did she do this stupid, stupid movie?  She was actually pretty entertaining in Go, I liked her topless in The Gift, and that new one she's in with Colin Ferell looks kind of watchable too.  I don't understand why she would do something like Abandon.  Why would she inflict this kind of trash on such an unsuspecting world?  And that boy, the blonde kid who plays the dead boyfriend?  I recognized him from the naughty U.K. version of "Queer As Folk," so I was unable to watch any his scenes without leaning over and whispering to Jess, "He's has butt-sex!"  His hair got on my nerves, so did his rumpled shirts.  He's stupid.  Also, this movie about twenty times worse when I realized that Benjamin Bratt was one of the leads.    Don't even get me started on that greasy guido, with his lumpy, mis-shapen features and his bigass head.  The man looks like E.T.

If there's one peice of advice I can ever give to you, let it be this: never, ever wait for the A train after 2am b/c you'll be waiting for the rest of your life and by the time you get home, you'll have forgotten your purpose in life.  And if I can offer you another peice of advice?  Don't see this movie.  I know the previews look really good, they're all colorful and edgy and have lots of sexy shots of that messy-haired gay blonde guy but DO NOT TRUST THESE IMAGES!  Paramount Pictures thinks we're all stupid, stupid bitches: embrace your inner snob and turn up your nose @ this movie.  In fact, if you run into Katie Holmes on the street, I want you to find something large and throw it @ her head.  Don't worry, you won't miss.

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