Letters To a Young Pornstar Tuesday, January 3, 2006 [ banter 5 ]

So I read Queerty. Ugh. Ok, not a read I'm addicted to but I've always liked Bradford's style and the Jossip guy who publishes it has read/commented on my blog for a long time. And even tho it looks like a free AOL homepage it's a fun pit stop, like the web equivalent to watching an episode of Laguna Beach. Plus, it's very cool when blogs get legit bigass attention like they have. One of the cute things they feature every morning which I LOVE is a series of yummy shots of some random hot guy in various stages of undress, usually a no-name/big-name model/actor: they call it Morning Goods (hee). One morning some time ago I was perusing their content and of course PAGED DOWN to catch the boy of the day (I'll leave his name outta this post). Turned out, he looked REALLY familiar for some reason, kind of like a really buff, really pouty Simon Rex --- no no wait, the Anvil of Irony has yet to drop --- but I wasn't sure why I knew him. I read through the rest of the day's entries on their blog and then went back the guy. I stared really hard at his body (I'm very good at this) and it took me about 2 seconds to connect the dots and realize where I'd seen him before: there. Yes I totally know that site and have it bookmarked, suck it. About a year ago I remember them doing did a bunch of dirty! gay! homosexual! sessions with this sexy guy who I was especially wowed by --- same guy on the Queerty page! Of course he was using a different name but it was definitely the same guy, you just couldn't confuse his... face. Anyway, I shot a gossipy little email about it to Bradford, who posted it on the site later that day, and it was all lame and gay and amusing for about 2 seconds.

Well, last week I open my spriteboy email and there's one particular mail sitting in my inbox. The senders name is what popped out at me --- it was the Morning Wood model. That porn guy... he emailed me. And he was pissed. The pornstar was pissed at me. He basically wanted to tell me that he didn't appreciate me outing him on the Internet (um, he did gay webporn) and that he's doing everything he can to keep it under wraps (the gay webporn) and that I need to be more sensitive with the things I write about people online. His family fortunately hadn't found out about it yet and he was working hard in school now and pursuing high-fashion modeling and to have people shinging spotlights on this big thing already hanging over his head didn't make it easier to put it past him. It was a very well-written email, clearly a personal one (seemed more like damage control) and for a few days I actually started to feel bad, like I'd done something karmically awful. I thought about all that time in the gym he'd probably spent, all the money he'd probably shelled out on flights to New York to land an agency contract, all the sacrifices he might have made to get a real shot in the modeling business, how maybe het got a little too eager to get a jump on the biz and agreed to something that got naughtier than he expect and how I might have played up something potentially damaging to his career/life. How DARE I put that in jeopardy with some flippant comment on a flashy blog? Suddenly the web seemed like an evil evil thing in my life and I started to consider shooting my computer. Then I realized what BULLSHIT that idea was and cancelled my karma evaluation.

Seems to me, when you sign on to do porn --- and a series of videos at that --- you can't really play victim or get stank on people for connecting the dots afterward. I mean, a regrettable one night stand is one thing but porn is FOREVER, not really the kind of low-key thing you can play down. I think the best you can do is either wear it with pride while you pursue more exposure (like those guys) or, if its something you regret, you just accept that it's there, own it fully (like those guys) and try not to let it hold you back. Then again, I've never done anything sexual on film, nothing officially released anyway, so it's easy for me to talk this talk. But still, the Reclusive Model had a point and was writing to me from an honest place and I didn't want to be an asshole. I how it feels when something you do has spun out of control; it goes beyond a matter of ownership, you just want to lasso it somehow and pull things back into frame so you don't lose your mind. I shot the kid an email and assuring him my comment was glib and meant in a total non-scandalous way, explained my view on his situation, and congratulated/wished him well on his new pursuits. To my surprise he wrote back, thanking me for hearing him out (I'm sure he gets blasted to death by some folks out there; pun semi-intended) and telling me he really likes my blog. He's on my buddylist now. Shit, we're best friends now and having brunch this weekend. Ok not really but he's a very nice guy and a realass covermodel @ that. Seriously, he's blowing up.

And there we have it. Pornstars, poseurs, models, agents, travelers, losers, frenemies, freaks, geeks, clockwatchers and just one more random person that this blog has brought into my life. Did you totally read this entry waiting for me to put his name on shout? I know, I was about to do it, too. But doing so? would probably strip my social privileges in Hell; I'll have to sit alone in a room w/o a DSL line (read: no Queerty) while all my friends hangout together drinking mojitos and watching Popular on DVD. Or worse yet, they'd send me to Heaven to make crafts for all eternity with a bunch of humorless virgins who like Amy Grant. I don't really deserve that, I really don't.

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