Skyrockets In Flight Friday, January 20, 2006 [ banter 6 ]

So if you haven't noticed yet, this here website, like me, is going through some ch-ch-ch-changes. It's the end of SpriteboyWorld as we know it (and I feel fine), I won't be renewing the domain. This journal, see? isn't really the same silly project I started 4yrs ago, with all the deliberately upbeat entries and gimmicky rants & raves; it's become something different, at least to me. I'm growing up a bit, ugh, becoming a man or something (God, my heart stopped just typing that), and the sprite BOY thing doesn't so much fit me anymore. We'll be LittleBigChris.com from now on. Do you love the double entendre? Me neither. Bookmark that shit, dudes, and stick around cuz this transition of mine into manhood is bound to be a hilarious spectacle.

The devil made me watch the Colin Farrell sex tape the other day and I gotta say that I'm dissappointed... on several levels. Has anyone else seen it? Ok, what was all the hype over editing out his nude scene in that movie a few years back? All that talk about how his size was "so distracting" and had to be removed to retain the integrity of the film. I downloaded this video hoping to see Colin in a whole new (freakishly well-endowed) light, and pretty much just saw a naked very Irish guy, which leads me to worry that maybe you can't believe all the wonderful things you read. Also, he wasn't nearly as agressive as I would have hoped. Call me boring but I want my Colin Farrell to be uncaged and slutty and kind of disgusting when he's making a sex tape. I thought there'd be strobe lights and body paint and possibly a midget involved --- like, he'd be smacking her in the face with it and calling her a filthy slag and then just start nailing her to the wall... but then pass out drunk. Maybe that's just me projecting. Seriously though, what was with all the affection and tenderness? He kept telling her how beautiful she was and how great she felt and blahblahblah, it was like when Dawson finally had sex with Joey Potter. The only resolve the video brought me to was pretty much destroying any chances of ever being able to watch Colin in a movie w/o picturing him in the throws of completely bridled soft-core passion. I actually watched "Alexander" on Showtime last night and kept expecting him to break scene, grab a slavegirl, and start fucking her on a sofa --- nay, making sweet mediocre love. Jared Leto sure was beautiful though, that bitch could be prettier than my mom.

The L Word is back on and I can't stress how much I've missed these lesbos in my life. It's damn scary what a fucking wreck Alice is over Dana --- the bitch is straightup psychotic in her depression, chasing her down the freeways and crying in her sleep, wanting to know why they're not together anymore. What the fuck, last time we saw them they were so happy and now they're broken up and Dana's already moved on DEEP into a serious and healthy relationship. And little Alice is a mess. I kind of love it that she's so distraught b/c this is the part of break-ups nobody talks about: one person is left heartbroken and shaken to the core, and the other sometimes moves on so fucking fast that it makes your head spin.... and they rarely look back at the person they hurt. I've been both of those people before. Oh, I also really like the addition of that new lezzie on the show, the really mannish one that looks like Vincent Gallo. Finally there's a girl on this show who's not stereotypically L.A, a power lesbian, or even really that pretty. You see her and you automatically think: Indigo Girl. That's the simple reality sometimes, I like when TV admits stuff like that.

So I'm going crazy with YouTube.com right now. Why did I never realize it was there before? Why didn't anyone tell me? Anything you want to see is up on there. Did you ever want to see the hugeass "Defying Gravity" number from WICKED that everyone talks about? Click this shit (wanna see the flashy version?). I sat at my computer in actual tears. Did you totally miss that SNL where Maya Rudolph does Donatella Versace and gets into a bitch fight with Mick Jagger? Click this shit. This shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-yeah and it's changing my life.... unlike that Pasta Express ripoff which did NOT change my life or make it any easier like it's supposed to. I waited a month for it to arrive in the mail --- my ass was actually EXCITED at the idea of making pasta in minutes w/o having to monitor water temperature or watch for the sticky noodle factor. I was straightup fantastizing about pasta block parties, just me and my bowls of pre-made spagehtti skipping through the streets of NoWa, handing out meals to the homeless and ugly people. No luck, this shit doesn't work and I'm getting a fucking REFUND.

In a lovely twist on my new year, I been kicking it lately on the date tip with a new guy we'll be calling P. He is not to be confused with that "P", by the way, with whom I was/am/will always be down (I'm totally a friend of P). It's actually very new, way too damn new for me to even be mentioning it on here but I've been awful smiley for the past few weeks and getting to know him is partially why. He's a yummie but not at all what I expected. I keep finding myself out on these incredible dates with him --- movies, shows, dinners & DVDs, my place, his place, kissing @ on street corners and rooftops, this kid is on fire --- and I haven't really been this charmed by anyone in awhile. Kinda nice being a little stuck on somebody, feeling that lure and getting actually lost in kissing someone you wanna learn everything about. Skyrockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite. Yeah, you get the idea. Let's not get crazy, you can never tell with these things but suddenly there's something happening here and it feels really good.

Starwood, the company I work for, put me in some video ad they're launching to promote their W hotels. They dressed me up and sat me down and had me camera-talk about what it's like working here, why it's fun, how we're different, etc. I gave realass answers and not any corporate babble, which they seemed to like. Anyway, I think they're gonna be playing this on airline TV's so the next time you're on JetBlue, if my face happens to pop up on your little monitor? just shut the damn thing off and pray for my soul. Thanks.

Oh and Vincent Gallo, by the way? is a selling his sperm online for $50,000 and offering a discount to any blond, blue-eyed women who can prove "a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century". And apparently, for $500K he'll even deposit the sperm naturally, but only if you're hot. A part of the ad even states "Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration." Payment installments can be made via Paypal. No, seriously. Pray for his soul too.

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