Me & the Machines Wednesday, June 25, 2008[ banter 2 ]
I write this entry from the all-too familiar waiting room at Dr. F's office. It's that Cancer Check-Up time of the year again, never a visit I'm excited about but one I'm no longer afraid of. Actually haven't been afraid of ever, really. I guess once you'd had a ball removed/replaced and undergone radiation sunbathing, you tend to not be scared of little things like sitting in a waiting room. Waiting for the results, that's what usually gets folks all wound up. It's been 4yrs now since I battled that whole scenario, and my bloodwork keeps coming back clean and perky (ok, maybe cholestoral is a little high), so I'm not very worried.
I'm supposed to get my color done @ Dramatic's NYC later this afternoon. I told Eagle I'd burn a little slideshow of all the different stuff he's done to my hair over the years, so I spent about half an hour this morning looking through old pictures I haven't seen in awhile. It's kind of a trip. If I never started this documenting my life on this blog 6yrs ago I probably wouldn't have so many picture reminders of things like my hairstyles and varying states of happiness. Or see how my cheekbones are less and less sharp as the years go by, and how my cheeks get fuller. Dammit.
I caught myself the other day thinking of myself as 30. It took a sec for me to remember, Oh wait I'm only 29. 30's still a year away. We'll, 10months and change but who's counting?
... And what if they DO find something in my bloodwork? Some small cluster of cancer cells that have emerged out of nowhere. How would I find myself dealing, I wonder? The last time I dealt with this I did it mostly alone. Of course mom and dad were praying strong in Texas and my friends were only a phone call/IM mssg away... but I was very much flying solo... and i did good. A little dramatic at the end, burning shit and all, but still. My life is different now, there's just more richness when I look at what I have, so I guess I'd be OK. I work in a place that I (like to) think would hold a spot open for me if for any reason I had to leave for Camp Chemo, and Nick is a little Viking. If for some reason this all became too heavy for me to handle, I know he could be strong enough for the both of us. These are little shiny treasures to me, I know they're special and not everyone gets them. I do feel lucky.
UPDATE:
Nick & I are talking about heading to D.C. again on Sunday night for a few days. I loved hanging in Georgetown last time we were there, would love to see it again. Maybe Boston, or Philly instead --- I've never really hung out in either city. And we can do it on the cheap cuz Nick's still got a stack of those Comfort Inn vouchers and those Chinatown buses are amazing, yo. With all the money we can save we're actually talking about getting a cleaning lady to come in twice a month and clean our shit. I know, it's disgusting of me to even consider it but straightup, there's no way in hell I'm gonna scrub them cruddy floors in the apartment.
