Ok so it’s official, I’m making my way over the great divide and coming to London. I got a charming offer I couldn’t refuse and figured I’d be an idiot not to go, especially when I’m aiming to kickstart this new year off with new experiences. Why fucking London, in the middle of the winter, you ask? Cuz even tho Brazil and the Carribean was offered, I’m a fucking cityboy through and through. I’d get bored on a tropical paradise and desert that shit to find an internet cafe and an outlet where I could be charging my ipod. Anyway, since I’ve never really been bitten by the travel bug, this will be my first time abroad and I can’t fucking wait. I’m staying there, which I assume is the Hudson of London, though I could just be buying into the hype. Any of you Londoners who happen to read this blog, hit me up with some suggestions on the things you think I should be seeing and doing, and especially things I should not waste my time with. I’ll be there in 2 weeks and I may (or may not) meetup with one friendly face in particular, but am down for dinner with most anybody willing to pay my way my homeboy’s way and sometimes my cousin’s way. Just refrain from trying to get me to try Marmite. I know all about that god awful mess and I will not be fooled.

I spent a full hour today engrossed in a rerun episode of MTV’s Made. Damn this fucking show, it never fails to wring a few sniffs and misty eyes out of me. This time it was about an overweight, unpopular girl from the wrong side of the tracks (aren’t they all?) who wants to run against the pretty rich girl athletes for Homecoming Queen. Of course she wins — they always win cuz this is MTV and they like filling Young America’s dreams with promises that only fulfill themselves if there’s a full budget and cameraman and production crew attatched (just ask her)— no suprise there, but it was the EMOTIONAL JOURNEY that I just got sucked into. When she couldn’t go to the school game to promote her campaign cuz she’s poor, black, and ugly and had to go work her afterschool shift @ Taco Bell? my eyes just started welling up with tears. When she threw down in the school hallway between classes and called out one of the evil skinny little cheerleaders for talking shit about her, I fell in love. Then when she bustled out onto the gym stage, grabbed the mother fucking microphone, and declared that she was tired of seeing the same kinds of girls win Homecoming every year and that it was time for a change to happen at that school, AND THE ENTIRE STUDENT BODY leapt to their feet and started applauding her big loud ass? I just lost my shit. I literally sat on my futon sobbing. It only got worse when she actually won and they started playing that “Tonight And the Rest of My Life” song by Nina Gordon, cuz I think I actually started trying to hug my TV. I used to be an ugly fat girl in high school too so I just totally overidentified. What the hell? This show just reduces me, dudes.

One new kid on the scene — the blogging scene (altho he claims he’s been in New York forever, and I just have serious doubts) — I’ve had the very deep pleasure of getting to rather well is that guy, who is surprisingly not obsessed with homosexuality, martial arts, or robotics. I hung out with him a very little bit this past week while our girlfriends were out of town, he lives in a fucking CASTLE in low low Manhattan with a slew of other rowdy boys and all they do is play videogames, watch Arrested Development (I was nearly killed for not being an avid fan), and clean their bedrooms all day. Seriously, they love to clean. They’re like those little Doozer guys from Fraggle Rock who just love building so much, they don’t mind it when Fraggles eat and destroy their constructions cuz it just means they get to build some more. It’s great. Check out that blog of his, he’s kinda funny.

For any New Yorkers up for joining me on the Total Sellout Train, you should look into The Solar Salon. That place is amazing and the tanning machines are state-of-the art, they even have those XM Radio’s installed. Getting my ass golden-glazed while screaming along to Kelly Clarkson is a surreal experience. The folks there are so nice and helpful. I also ran into a cute explaything of mine while I was there, and found out he’s been doing some auditioning. Wow, all this time I just figured he was a model… now he’s an actor too! It’s nice when ambitious people take up new positions in life, huh? Glad I can I saw “I knew him when”.

My apartment is a wreck right now, still haven’t put away the clean laundry I did a week ago. I’m working late tonight and have to head back first thing tomorrow for a morning shift, so I know I won’t go home and clean. Just gonna crash. My dog hates when I do this. My plans for devleoping a routine for us this year is too slow on the rise, dammit.

Did anybody see Mini-Me throwdown with Chyna Doll on The Surreal Life? I really didn’t know who was gonna win. She’s a big fine woman won’t you back that thing up, but he had that little power scooter with him and I know first hand the pent-up anger a little guy can host when provoked. Watch them become best friends like Flavor Flav & Bridgette Neilsen (whom I still believe is really Sharon Stone all cracked out and nobody has bothered to notice yet). Marcus Schenckenberg is his underwear kept me engrossed in the show too, altho I refuse to recognize him as the pioneere male supermodel (hi, anyone else remember Mark Vanderloo, the inspiration for Derek Zoolander?). Also, Peter Brady has a sixpack. He’s a washed up has-been TV sitcom star but has obviously been invoking the spirit of Eric Neiss cuz look at that body. He went through some ch-ch-changes. This is insane. Somebody shoot me. I swear, bad TV is gonna ruin my life.

P.S. Laura, buddy, holler if you need me.