So @ the risk of speaking too soon about something I shouldn’t even mention, there’s a dark horse in the background. Sort of.

Zack works where I do, but in another department; he’s 24, he’s a full-time student, and he’s really nice. He also likes me like that. B/c I’m slow on the uptake, it was over a month or so before I realized that he was flirting with me during those walks to the train afterwork and that the offers for dinner were date-oriented. He’s one of those people who make actual concrete plans like, “Are you off Tuesday? Let’s have dinner, what time shoudl I call you?” This is insane to a noncomittal nonplanner like myself. I haven’t taken him up on anything yet but it’s tempting to play back w/ him, especially after he stopped in on his day off the other day and I caught a glimpse of him on REAL non-uniform clothes — DAMN, he’s a hottie. But I’m playing it cool, so motherfucking cool that it’s just maddening, b/c I… I don’t know yet. He’s sweet in a playful way that doesn’t crowd me and It’s really fun when somebody pays extra attention to you like that, sort of lifts the fog on post-breakup life. Some. I’m keeping things in perspective, or trying to, cuz the truth is I’m not really interested in dating anyone right now. I still sometimes catch myself longing for somebody else. And even though I don’t want it to be true, Zack — charming as he is, even with his lucious lips, golden brown eyes, that sexy latin accent, and a sick body on him that rocks the party — isn’t really my type. Call me a bland traditionalist, but I like them golden, blond, blue-eyed, buff, and born to to blend in on the WB. It’s just what does me in but ugh, I have to careful here. Firstoff, he’s one of the only people @ work that I really enjoy talking to (not that I’m hating the others, they just bore me) and I’d hate to mess that up… cuz come hookup or highwater my ass ain’t going back to the Land of Unemployment. Also, a bitter ex-hookup from way back in the day recently went OFF on me out of nowhere; we’re talking creepy “Why don’t you like me?!”, boiling-my-rabbit, vengeful hatemail-type shit, and even though I’ll be damned to wear the blame for his delusions, it reminded me that I gotta be careful about giving a really nice guy the total wrong idea. Or letting somebody get attatched and later accuse me of being playing head games (I wasn’t into getting close so now it’s a GAME I’m playing! Evidently, the “game” we were playing was me not being interested in the mutherfucker). But who knows? If my last relationship showed me anything, it’s that love intensifies even when you’re not fully sold that it will. It’s not always instant sparks and butterflies in your gut, like I thought. The inner progressiveness of love and affection between two people swells and swells and, if you’re lucky, bursts into something beautiful and real. You can’t wish for it or see it coming.

What the fuck am I talking about here? I’m not even making out with anybody up in here, much less making out with any soul connections. Anyway, it’s way too faint a nothing for me to even go into this. I just think Zack’s not gonna be easy to dissuade, he’s working the charm and already kicking his game up a notch. Yesterday he hands me a stack of pictures from his last trip to the Southern Islands; he was half-nekked in most of them… save for a pair of really cute, really filled out running shorts. Whoa. A dark horse, indeed, ya’ll.

In other news, I’m sick of ppl on the subway interupting my precious me-time to ask a zillion questions about my iPod nano. Dude, see the headphones in my ears? It means I don’t wanna talk to anyone. See the fact that the headphones are white? It means I OVERPAID to ensure that I don’t have to talk to anyone. Leave me alone. And no, you can’t touch it. But I know you wanna.

UPDATED: Did everyone see the season premiere of LOST? What the hell?! Walt’s taking backwards, Jack had Party of Five hair again, and I can’t stop singing “Make Your Own Kind of Music”. Any show that can squeeze in some Mama Cass is a winner in my book. Big bottom girls you make the world go rockin’ round.