Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Does the investor who owns the resturaunt deserve the praise for starting it up, or should Big Big Love go to he chef who actually cooks the food that makes it a success? or does credit go to the Concierge who builds the hype and lets the masses know about this random new hotspot? No clue, dude, but I sure as hell am reaping the benefits this week. I think every resturaunt, spa, car service, department store, florist, and club I’ve sent people to this year has sent me some kind of insane Holiday Thank You gift… hell, I’m getting shit from places I’ve never even heard of! Hefty giftcards, cash envelopes, all-comped invitations, and more bottles of champagne, liqour, and whiskey than a boy who doesn’t even drink knows what to do with. I swear, I’ve got more booze stocked up than that wino @ Columbus Circle Station.

I’ve been back in New York for over 2 weeks now and I’ve hardly had time to do a damn thing. I haven’t fully unpacked — I’ve charged my cellphone and gone to work a lot, that’s about it. Work is a madhouse lately, all kinds of tensions are everywhere and little mishaps/oversights tend to keep blowing up and getting me into trouble. Maybe my focus is elsewhere at the moment b/c of the holidays, or maybe I just keep having really bad luck. I had a bad dream the other day that I took the fall @ work for a really big fuck-up I had nothing to do with, and they ended up firing me… only it had been set up to fail on purpose so they’d have a valid reason to get rid of me. It’s a weird thought and only a dream, but it makes me a little uneasy @ work lately, especially in light of some new annoying instances. I just kinda keep waiting for the other shoe to drop or something. It’s an awful feeling and I hate being right about this type of thing, so I hope I’m wrong. But you never know.

So I’ve finished watching the first first season of The L Word on Netflix and Jennifer Beals is a braveass woman. Who knew 20 years ago that the little brown-eyed girl from Flashdance would later be fisting women on our TV screens? Lesbians don’t play, God bless them. I had no idea they all migrated to L.A., I guess that means they’re not in Brooklyn anymore? Oh shit, they’re in Texas too — and most of them are my little cousins. Color me baffled when I got home to Texas and found out FOUR of my (teenage) cousins are not only blissfully gay now but also enwrapped in casual lesbian romance. Homo’s were all up in the place and the best part is that I didn’t even know they’d come out… which is great. I can’t wait for when gay folks just start skipping the “coming out process” and just straightup start bringing home their boy/girlfriends like it’s no big deal, and nothing even needs to be said. Hell, it’s already happening in Houston, TX. I have baby lesbians in the family mix, it’s hysterical. What the hell? I love it.

The journey home was a really nice, by the way. I keep thinking about it. I did a whole lotta resting and eating, which is pretty much all you do when you’re in Texas (I smuggled back 15 lbs of chorizo, b/c I’m a pig). I grew up in a very urban area of townhouses (homes that all connect) just off the tollway but I never drove when I was a teenager b/c I commuted to private school way outside of town, so when I go back home I don’t have access to anybody or even really know what to do. Yeah, I spent a lot of time in my room, see? Anyway, this time around I spent a lot of time with my parents, which felt good. I spent the day with them in Galveston, where we used to hangout a lot when I was younger, and the two of them cracked me up all day. We hung out at the old Peanut Butter Factory, which is now a big antiques & malt shop, and my parents bought each other fudge and trinkets and just made me love them all over again. They’re such nerds. We got family portaits done @ Wal-Mart, where I ran into a girl from my senior class. At Wal-Mart. Where we took family portaits. Somebody shoot me in the face.

I strolled through Rockefeller Center the other night afterwork. I had a lot of shopping bags with me and was all bundled up. Was playing with my new digicam, kept clicking stupid pictures of pretty things… I felt like a tourist. It was fun.

Seems like there’s a hundred things I wanted to write about, my mind is always spitting out random bits that I wanna post up on here but I always end up falling out of the mode to share any of it. I’ll be better about updating this website in the New Year, I think. It’ll be fun again. Right now I’m just trying to get myself together and regroup, it’s amazing how hard it is to regain your grip after you’ve let go of shit. Christmas is this weekend and I’ll be @ work, which is fine. I haven’t really immersed myself in the holiday hype this year, partly just b/c I already got my family time in this year, and also b/c it’s been a long December and there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last (thank you, Counting Crows for burning that lyric into my head forever)… although I doubt much will top the “place” I was in last year around this time. So it’s really good I’ve got Mo. We’ll relax and make it a great holiday up in here. I’ll open the presents I got myself and he’ll shred the wrapping paper. Fun for all.