Taurus: You may need a bit of alone time in order to balance your inner needs with what others expect of you now. After the last couple of days, you could be a little disoriented as you come back up for air. Your common sense is not working as reliably as usual, so delay making any significant decisions. You will be better off once you give yourself permission to float for a while.

Yeah, filing my tax deductions can wait another week or so.

The weekend felt like a month, which normally is a good thing but whatever. Did the tearful heart-wrenching goodbye in person with P, which I still have not fully recovered from. Almost finished painting my apartment (just the bedroom left), saw a few friends (Battlestar Galactica is funner in groups), and made it to church finally. I really liked Revolution (aka the church for ppl who have given up on church), it’s a very loose format and something about its simplicity felt very genuine. They hold meetings at this hipster bar out in Williamsburg (Brooklyn?!) and the holiday weekend had the trains running slow, so I got there late… but still, there was a sense of calm that it brought. They ended the service in a prayer, it was the first time I’d done that in a long time. Jay Bakker is the founder and pastor of this ministry, he’s a young, peirced/tattooed smoker, cusser and Jesus Lover — don’t be impressed yet cuz I’ve seen his type before. Growing up as a pastor’s kid myself (yup) I used to attend lots of “cool” alterna-churches where everyone was radical and “on-fire for God”; their pastors always made a big show of dressing trendy and spiking their hair, but when it all came down, the judgements were still the same (watch SAVED, you’ll get it). But there’s something truthfully different about Jay and this ministry: it’s the real deal, very “come as you are”, no self-righteousness… and it’s pro-gay. What I like most is that it’s not just a place for ppl who are new to Christianity, ppl like me (who grew up around it) can get things from it too. At Revolution, everyone seems to be going through shit — including the pastor — and are just there to meet up and to talk about it and search for strength in God, together. That’s something I can get behind, feels good. So I’ll be back.

Talked to my mom and dad last night, they’ve been really sweet about checking in with me. And my not-so-little sister is thinking about moving in with her boyfriend. Of course I’m happy for her but it takes some digging to find it, the happiness, cuz shit, it’s still very cold where I am. My heart is totally rearranged. In other news, I forgot that going through a break-up kills your appetite; I’m hollow man. Now that I’m alone and w/o someone to be naked with, I’m suddenly slimming down. Irony is a whore and I’d like her bitchslapped.

Supposed to go see Talk Radio on Broadway tonight. I’m not much for Liev Schrieber but that hotass Sebastian Stan from The Covenant is in the cast so I may just make the trek out in this cold weather. Ugh, these are the steps we take to press forward, or at least to float ahead. But don’t be fooled: I think about him constantly. Even when I’m not doing it I am. The fact that I keep my feet planted and stay on the train each time it stops at his subway station is a small victory.