I have a crush on Kelly Osbourne.  I was slow to admitting it b/c she sort of reminded me of this mean girl I used to work with a few years ago, same hairstyle and shit.  But as much as I fight it, I cannot deny her cute factor.  It’s won me over.  Yes, her “music career” should be cited in the Guinness Book of World Records as the Most Blatant Display of Nepotism (tm my gal J)… but she’s just a cute, cute girl with a funny sense of humor.  When she rants about something, I cannot stop howling with laughter.  I love how disgusted she gets with annoying things and ppl.  She’s curvy and plucky!  She’s british!  She likes to sing karoke!  What’s wrong with that?  In the last episode, she was seeing some grunged up little scruffball.  And I heard she was dating Gideon Yago, the indie kid from MTV.  Kelly, you can do WAY better than that — you could have ME.  I’d never fart in your car, I’d never lose your luggage @ the airport, and I’d never tell you how fucked up your family is.  It’s spriteboy@spriteboyworld.com, ok? 

Don’t be afraid, I’m a lot taller in person… with my big shoes.  Date me, Kelly!