Running

May 17th, 2009 / No comments

A hotel guest asked me this morning for the best route to run, I directed him to stroll West Houston all the way to the river and follow the runner’s path down to Battery Park. I recommend this all the time to runners. Except today, after I pointed him in the right direction, I spent all day wishing I was doing it too. So after work, I went to the gym, changed into my workout gear, clipped on my ipod shuffle, slid a Metrocard and $10 into my shoe, and took off. I ran for 2hrs, down the West Side runner’s path from Pier 40 @ West Houston to Pier A @ Battery Park. I didn’t plan to cover so much ground or be out that much… I just didn’t want to stop b/c that would mean I’d have to eventually go home. I’m doing this weird thing now where I just avoid coming home to this big empty tomb of an apartment (just me and chihuahua now) but I don’t wander the city anymore; in truth I have almost gotten sick of aimlessly wandering. I want to make a plan and follow the plan. And if I don’t have a plan… well, I guess I’ll run. I can’t believe I was out so long today, it felt amazing and isolating. Kinda sad and good. I did a LOT of thinking, but not spiraling like I normally do. I think I get why runner’s run, for that zone you get into where thoughts aren’t good or bad, it’s almost just easy processing. Not that I did much running, hell it was a lot of jogging and brisk walking — hello, it’s only my 3rd day of running, and only my first day outside… but it felt good. I’d like to do it more. I also came across a million little parks, outdoor cafes, public lawns, and sitting areas along the river — the kind of places I want to take Nick to. I thought that a lot today, “Oh I’ve gotta show this to Nick!” Then I’d just run harder. I miss him so bad it drives me running.

It’s Sunday but it’s my Friday, the start of my weekend. My first one w/o Nick here. I probably won’t see him for any of it and it just feels wrong and it scares me. All I want to do is blurt out all the right things and heal what’s hurting, but it’s like, I don’t have the right. Whoever said if you love someone you let them go was a fucking dick.